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Thread: I don't trust my judgement of how I feel anymore

  1. #1
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    I don't trust my judgement of how I feel anymore

    I went to the doctor complaining of hearing my pulse in my ears ..She found that I had problems with my sinuses and also blockage with the tubes.I am suppose to go to the ent in about a few weeks..While i was there in the office she was checking my heart and says "oh...you have a slight murmur" I say no..No one has ever told me that .."do I need a ekg or anything" and she said no...that it wasn't really even worth mentioning..but didn't really tell me what it was or anything.She knew i was anxious and didn't want to upset me I suppose.She told me that I was suffering from Post Tramatic Stress Disorder due to being relocated here from Katrina..Also It could be that we are over 8000 ft higher and my sinus problems are a nusiance.She said the ent would take care of that and that I should relax and try to not get so stressed.She also put me on zoloft.She said as far as she is conerned the stress was causing all of my symtoms and they would disappear.When I started hearing my heartbeat I thought that I could hear some kind of murmur but thought it might be just the way my ear was perceiving it.I now stress and worry about the murmur but try to be as upbeat and posititive as I can be.I try to not check my pulse or let the worries comsume me but when I get weird feelings I always get scared that its some more symptoms that have to do with my heart.I don't have dizziness or pain or other symtoms associated with heart issues.I breathe ok and feel fairly descent most of the time ,but last night I stayed up late and started feeling bad.I suppose I was tired but not sure.I could really hear my heart beating and I felt kind of clamy all over.I was really tired but went on to sleep anyway.Today I woke and got up and did the things I normally do and even got out for a bit.I was out walking around the yard and started hearing my pulse in my ears since its pretty normal now days to hear it a lot of the time.I worry because I keep thinking about the possible blockages that I read about assocaited with the sound of your pulse in your ears but the doctor assured me that i didn't have the symptoms for blockage nor for a serious condition.She didn't do any test on me at all ..just sat and spoke with me .. cleaned my ears out the best she could and told me that she had done three tours to Iraq and that I had classic symptoms of this disorder..and that was all.When I was out in the yard I started feeling a little funny like my legs were weak and I just wanted to go in and sit down.My pulse sounded in my ears as though it was eratic but maybe it was just the sound that she heard the day that I was there.My pulse rate is good usually around 72 when at rest ,but I felt really tired and came to sit on the bed to see what everyone else thought.I don't know if I just had a little panic in the yard and got weak from it and came in and even felt a little sick to my stomach...Which weakness and nausea go hand and hand with heart issues...But sometimes its just what you ate and that you are tired..How do you decide if you are truly having issues or you just imagined that you were due to feeling bad ..like just being tired and nothing else? Unfortunately I have read so much on the internet about symptoms that I know them mostly by heart and well that was before I knew about this board and sorry that I do now.I even got scared a few days ago and called and asked for the doctor to call me to ask about my murmur and blood pressure medicine since mine was a little high that day.She wouldn't even talk to me.She had the PA call me back and tell me that there was no need to up my blood pressure medicine and I ask her about the murmur and she said that the doctor didn't find it worth persuing because it was nothing,But she didn't tell me what kind it was or anything.She told me the doctor didn't find any symp.toms that were obvious to be alarmed about but the fact that the doctor didn't call me back makes me feel stupid..She didn't find it worth her time? maybe or I don't know what.If I knew that was truly the case I would pretty much go on with my life and not

  2. #2
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    Please try and relax and to trust your doctor, and if you simply can't then it is your right to get a second opinion. 2 of my daughters have murmur's and in fact my newborn does and no tests were done on her because they said it is the most common type.

    Just think about this..if you do go for a second opinion will question that doctor as well? Is it the doctors you don't trust or is it just the ugly thoughts.


    "Be The Change You Want To See In The World"...

    Take Care of You,


    Tina

  3. #3
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    [quote]Please try and relax and to trust your doctor, and if you simply can't then it is your right to get a second opinion. 2 of my daughters have murmur's and in fact my newborn does and no tests were done on her because they said it is the most common type.

    Just think about this..if you do go for a second opinion will question that doctor as well? Is it the doctors you don't trust or is it just the ugly thoughts.


    Tina,

    Thanks for taking time to read this long post.I suppose deep down in my heart that in fact I do trust her,and knowing what I do about her background and knowing she has been where solders that have serious issues going on with them depended on her for their life ,why should I question her dianosis...I want more than anything to believe her and do 99 percent of the time but its that nagging one percent that gets me sometimes...and its like everyday im waiting for those other symptoms to appear.Most days im ok and I have started using imaginary techniques to ward off negative thoughts and keep busy ,but sometimes out of the blue I start thinking about "what if" I am trying so very hard and have done really well in so many ways to ward off anxiety but suppose I need to try harder and try to trust the doctor..thank you again

  4. #4
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    Hi
    I just wanted to say that I can really relate to what you are saying and experiencing. When I first started suffering from what I now know is anxiety/panic/stress - I was just as you are - pulse in my head, feeling nauseous, obsessive thoughts over my health. I too have a heart murmour.
    And I still do have obsessive thoughts occasionally. I only got through it by arguing with myself - if I had a serious heart condition then I would propbably be very ill in hospital by now. After all, how does anybody really know that they are ill? Usually because your body tells you by putting you in excrutiating pain - that is how people end up in hospital and we dont just all drop down dead in the street!
    Try to clear your mind - I used to alternate between keeping it occupied with puzzles, crosswords etc and then every time an obsessive thought wouldnt clear my mind and I started becoming anxious from it, then i would try various relaxation techniques - controlling my breathing and trying to use positive imagery - also yoga helped.
    It's by no means easy - that voice in your head telling you that you are really sick is very powerful - but where is it getting its information from?
    The pulse in my head disappeared first - i dont know when I just remember thinking one day that I hadn't heard it for a while.
    Tell yourself that you haven't spent years training and years practicing medicine. If these professionals didn't know what they were doing then they wouldn't be practicing - they would be struck of the medical register for making basic mistakes like missing a serious heart condition. My granny has had a heart murmour her whole life although she didnt find out until she was in her 50's. She is now 97 and fit as a fiddle - it really doesn't mean that much to have a murmour - your heart may even just be reacting to the obviously high levels of stress hormones and adrenaline you are producing whilst having these thoughts and the murmour may disappear as you begin to get better.
    Alternatively, go back to your doctor and explain how you are having these thoughts - she may be able to prescribe you some medication to help with the process, or even recommend some therapy. I would also recommend acupuncture. Anything you can do to relax.
    And please try to sleep at night time, for some reason it makes the world of difference, even if you never go out. I still struggle to sleep especialy between 1am-4am but always make sure I am in bed by 11pm and dont get up until 7am, even if i am awake. If i get tired later on then I make sure I stay awake until at least 9pm. Reading a book helps me get to sleep, or get through the hours that I cant - although it is hard to concentrate on a book when all you can think about is how awful you are feeling.
    Unfortunately there is no miracle cure, I read that the thoughts of an anxious person are 'an over-estimation of a percieved threat to oneself and an under-estimation of the help available', which i think sums up our toughts pretty well. Try and access counselling - it really helped me. also, there are some great books out there - I'm reading one at the moment by two american psychologists called 'Mind over mood' - it really is fantastic and helps change the way you think. If you would like the details let me know and i will give them to you.
    Unfortunately there is no miracle cure for this, but coming on this website is a great start because you will always find people here that feel exactly as you do - it is a little reassuring to know that you are not alone. Although I am not a qualified Doctor, it just seems so strange that you would be expreiencing exactly what i went through 4 years ago, if I'm physically fine and you are not - that wouldn't really make sense.
    be patient with yourself and always fight those horrible thoughts - they do nothing constructive and only make you feel worse.
    Take care
    xx

    Happiness is a journey - not a destination

  5. #5
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    <b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Hi
    I just wanted to say that I can really relate to what you are saying and experiencing. When I first started suffering from what I now know is anxiety/panic/stress - I was just as you are - pulse in my head, feeling nauseous, obsessive thoughts over my health. I too have a heart murmour.

    Take care
    xx

    Happiness is a journey - not a destination

    <div align="right">Originally posted by Vickey - 25 September 2006 : 10:01:55</div id="right">
    </td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
    Vicky,

    Thank you for writing to me....Yes im still up..lol but going to sleep asap...But I cannot tell you how much your post means to me.I signed on to check if anyone else had posted about my crys for help and saw your post.You are very logical and the things you say make alot of sense.It really means so much to me that you wrote to tell me that you had the same exact thing i do and the hows and why of logic to think about it.Sometimes in my own mind I have thoughts that range as you spoke but when you see them in print written by someone that has experienced the same exact thing and is here writing to you about it and is ok..it helps so very much.I will copy your response and keep it where I can read it.At night I search the internet for positive things that help me when I read them about overcoming fear of dying,fear of life and fear in general.They range from Doctors to Buddist to the ancient druids and also positive thoughts for over coming illness with the mind.I put them down in a file where I read them everyday sometimes twice and three times including before I go to sleep.I think they help and I know what you have written to me will also inspire me.Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.I would be very pleased to know the details of the books you are reading .They seem to coincide with articles that I am reading about mind over emotions..from various sources.I would be greatly honored if you would share the names and authors with me ...thanks again....Michael xoxoxo

  6. #6
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    Michael, I am so glad you could relate to what I was saying in my post - it is so difficult to put it into words isn't it!!
    I will post the details of books I have found useful as soon as I get in from work this evening (I dont know what time that will be for you - but it is in 8 hours time!!).
    Please, anytime you need to chat, just send me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can. To overcome fear is very difficult, especially when it includes a fear of dying. When I feel like that I sometimes tell myself - so what will happen if i do drop down dead right now? I'm not going to know about it because I will be dead, and I try to think of all that I have seen and experienced in my life and and appreciate them. There are two poems which I also find helpful that I keep in my bag:

    Happiness is a journey, not a destination
    "for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.
    at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
    this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way.
    so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one."
    [souza]

    To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a little bit better - whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm, and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
    [ Ralph Waldo Emerson]

    Remember, you can get over this, you will get through this. You are fine. Listen to your body, not your mind. Give it what it needs - Sleep, relaxation, gentle exercise, a balanced diet and contact with other people. If you find that you develop agoraphobia (I did - I didn't want to go out incase I dropped down dying and there was no one around to help me), then please try to take small steps, and use this forum to get support and the social interaction we all need.
    Bach flower (Rescue remedy) helps take the edge off with me. I also take cod liver oil and Vitamin B6. Exercise was difficult to start with because I thought that my heart couldnt take it - that's why i chose yoga because it is so gentle, and you can do it at home so if you feel tired then you can rest. However, I found that doing gentle exercise made me feel so much better and renewed by confidence in my body.
    Take small steps, you will get there, these feelings will stop, just keep positive, keep working at it.
    I will post later, take care of yourself.

    Happiness is a journey - not a destination

  7. #7
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    [quote]Michael, I am so glad you could relate to what I was saying in my post - it is so difficult to put it into words isn't it!!
    I will post the details of books I have found useful as soon as I get in from work this evening (I dont know what time that will be for you - but it is in 8 hours time!!).
    Please, anytime you need to chat, just send me a message and I will get back to you as soon as I can. To overcome fear is very difficult, especially when it includes a fear of dying. When I feel like that I sometimes tell myself - so what will happen if i do drop down dead right now? I'm not going to know about it because I will be dead, and I try to think of all that I have seen and experienced in my life and and appreciate them. There are two poems which I also find helpful that I keep in my bag

    Thanks Vicky,

    Thanks to you and determination today has been one of my better days.I faced getting out and doing things that I usually have a little difficulty with ..even paid a visit to my nurse friend and her husband..They live about three miles from us futher on up in the mountains.Also went shopping and several other places I had to go ..Its funny...after your post I awoke to see a new world and a better place than I had the previous day.Usually I wake and look outside with no future outlook for me because of the fear but today I looked outside and enjoyed what I saw and wasted no time in getting out to see a bit of the world..I kept my visit short with my friends and told them about you and your statements..and they both say a big absolutely and that we should live our lives without fear because thats not living...It has been a good day and hopefully everyone after this will be even better..You have been a great inspiration to me and I would message you but really don't know how on here..I wanted to say thank you again and look forward to getting your book titles and will put your poems in my collection to i inspire me everyday...Thank you with all my heart.Michael

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    Thank you Michael. I find your post very encouraging too. I'm glad you had a better day
    Not every day will be easy, but remember what you did. Sometimes it's hard to see the positive, but it never goes away. It is always there, sometimes you just dont see it and it is hard to think of a wonderful future. But that future is there for you. Take each day as it comes, do all you can to fill your life. If you have a bad day, don't beat yourself up about it - just put it to one side and remember that tomorrow brings a new dawn, and a new chance to see everything wonderful.
    The book that I find most helpful is a workbook called 'Mind Over Mood - Change how you feel by changing the way you think'. it is written by Debbis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky. Published by The Guilford Press in New York. Most bookshops whould be able to get a copy for you.
    Best of luck
    Vickey x

    Happiness is a journey - not a destination

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    ps - you can send me a personal message by clicking on the Red PM icon in the message box. Each post has the date and time of message, then 4 or 5 symbols all across the top of each message


    Happiness is a journey - not a destination

  10. #10
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    [quote]Thank you Michael. I find your post very encouraging too. I'm glad you had a better day
    Not every day will be easy, but remember what you did. Sometimes it's hard to see the positive, but it never goes away. It is always there, sometimes you just dont see it and it is hard to think of a wonderful future. But that future is there for you. Take each day as it comes, do all you can to fill your life. If you have a bad day, don't beat yourself up about it - just put it to one side and remember that tomorrow brings a new dawn, and a new chance to see everything wonderful.
    The book that I find most helpful is a workbook called 'Mind Over Mood - Change how you feel by changing the way you think'. it is written by Debbis Greenberger and Christine A. Padesky. Published by The Guilford Press in New York. Most bookshops whould be able to get a copy for you.
    Best of luck
    Vickey x

    Happiness is a journey - not a destination

    Vicky,

    I just wanted to tell you thank you again....I can not express my gratitude as much as I feel for your encouragement.I have copied your post to a series of other positive items that I read everyday and sometime twice a day.It gives me hope.I haven't ordered the book yet that you told me about but will be doing that soon.GOD bless you and keep you and help you everyday with the ongoing battle and I pray that one day we will be totally relieved of this prolonged suffering totally ,where we can live totally happy lives...Once again thank you and I will be talking to you again soon...
    Michael

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