Feeling judged by fellow sufferers.

[mrjonesmcr]

It's been happening more lately, so or it seems. I've posted my feelings and thoughts on other sites, but the responses from fellow sufferers to be unemphatic, apathetic and sometimes just plain mean. It's bad enough suffering from GAD and depression, but I'm becoming more hypersensitive and if things continue, I am more likely to become more withdrawn and open up less. I know in life, we don't all have the same views and methods, but is respect too much to ask? I want to feel better opening up, not worse. I've always been a guarded person who doesn't open up easily, this was a big step and I feel like an idiot for doing so. On occasion, I felt like people were just ganging up on me, although it's possible that's just the hypersensitivity taking over.

With those who don't suffer from it, or know somebody who does, I can begrudgingly accept I might not get a great or positive response, so it's easier to brush that off, but I want to feel safe and relaxed talking about it.

Is it wrong of me to feel this way? am I being too harsh on people?

[poppadr3w]

Hello there,

This seems to be a rather constructive community overall that is empathetic towards basically everyone (at least in the threads I've read). We all know how one another feel, at least to some degree compared to "regular" people who have never suffered from these ailments, regardless of severity.

One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes some of us are way oversensitive, maybe due to past bullying or something. We take things a bit out of context and see it in a negative way; these statements are often constructive and empathetic, but worded in a way that may not be optimal in portraying those feelings. I've been there myself. Then people such as myself or you may go on the defensive immediately, putting others in a position to have to defend themselves. It snowballs from there and nothing constructive gets discussed.

My father is similar in a way, although he has never been *diagnosed* with anxiety in any capacity (I think he has some underlying anxiety, but I am not a medical professional). He also takes things to heart very, very quickly and will feel disrespected. These feelings then snowball very quickly between him and whoever the problem resides with. It's not that the other person was being disrespectful (not intentionally anyway), but he takes it that way.

Overall, I think that you'll find great comfort here. Just keep an open mind, contribute to other discussions in a constructive manner, and stay positive.

[Bee84]

I agree with poppadr3w, you're probably one that is easily slighted. I know I am! I feel like I'm entitled to not be criticised (I'm scared to death of it) but people have a right to criticize my negative words or behaviors. Sometimes people just respond with dumb crap.

It's so good to be sensitive and caring. I'm sensitive, a wise person will respect sensitive people. It's just the smart thing to do. Do you feel you were misunderstood in some way in your posts? It's annoying as hell to be misunderstood! Most times I don't realize until after the conversation has ended and by then its too late. Internet's a bit better because you can think longer.

I've noticed that in life, once you try to break free from anything that isn't serving you, you can expect hate and backlash because not everyone is happy for you, people still stuck far in can hit out deliberately and spitefully out of feeling jealous and resentful.

Some anxiety sufferers are misanthropic and have given up on themselves so much, that they have come to war with the so called normal happy people in society. When they hear someone's leaving the flock they'll get defensive about the nobleness of staying unwell! God forbid you or anyone posts anything uplifting that could inspire others to move forward and change themselves.

I hope you feel at ease here

[mrjonesmcr]

Hello there,

This seems to be a rather constructive community overall that is empathetic towards basically everyone (at least in the threads I've read). We all know how one another feel, at least to some degree compared to "regular" people who have never suffered from these ailments, regardless of severity.

One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes some of us are way oversensitive, maybe due to past bullying or something. We take things a bit out of context and see it in a negative way; these statements are often constructive and empathetic, but worded in a way that may not be optimal in portraying those feelings. I've been there myself. Then people such as myself or you may go on the defensive immediately, putting others in a position to have to defend themselves. It snowballs from there and nothing constructive gets discussed.

My father is similar in a way, although he has never been *diagnosed* with anxiety in any capacity (I think he has some underlying anxiety, but I am not a medical professional). He also takes things to heart very, very quickly and will feel disrespected. These feelings then snowball very quickly between him and whoever the problem resides with. It's not that the other person was being disrespectful (not intentionally anyway), but he takes it that way.

Overall, I think that you'll find great comfort here. Just keep an open mind, contribute to other discussions in a constructive manner, and stay positive.

I don't deny it, I've done it plenty. And in hindsight, some of those people might have been genuine and understood me far better than I thought , but as you alluded to, the words weren't optimal to their actual feelings. I guess that's one disadvantage of typing, you aren't always able to fully gauge their tone and level of empathy.

I've been here a while, about a year, but I seldom log on and contribute. Partly due to the reasons above and at the moment, my time is limited due to 'life getting in the way'.

---------- Post added at 16:47 ---------- Previous post was at 16:40 ----------

I agree with poppadr3w, you're probably one that is easily slighted. I know I am! I feel like I'm entitled to not be criticised (I'm scared to death of it) but people have a right to criticize my negative words or behaviors. Sometimes people just respond with dumb crap.

It's so good to be sensitive and caring. I'm sensitive, a wise person will respect sensitive people. It's just the smart thing to do. Do you feel you were misunderstood in some way in your posts? It's annoying as hell to be misunderstood! Most times I don't realize until after the conversation has ended and by then its too late. Internet's a bit better because you can think longer.

I've noticed that in life, once you try to break free from anything that isn't serving you, you can expect hate and backlash because not everyone is happy for you, people still stuck far in can hit out deliberately and spitefully out of feeling jealous and resentful.

Some anxiety sufferers are misanthropic and have given up on themselves so much, that they have come to war with the so called normal happy people in society. When they hear someone's leaving the flock they'll get defensive about the nobleness of staying unwell! God forbid you or anyone posts anything uplifting that could inspire others to move forward and change themselves.

I hope you feel at ease here

With criticism, I'd like to think I can take it, but not really. Even in my voluntary work, if I receive a minor reprimand, I take it to heart. But I won't apologise for being sensitive or caring, that's me all over.

And yes! I definitely do! that's happened on here as well, I posted something and it was taken the wrong way by one individual, even though I wasn't aimed at anyone, it was a general point, but even that was minor compared to another time. But I guess I'm used to being misunderstood, it's happened plenty of times in life. Ugh.

I must admit I've strayed into misanthropic territory, but I'd never take it out on people, I don't have the desire or the need to upset people. But it's getting harder, especially when you've tried to improve your life but the rewards aren't any closer.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Sadly, it does happen on forums. Admin's can't be on 24/7, and it's the internet, so people think they can be ruder than they may be in real life.

My experience of walk-in groups is very different. They have meeting coordinators who are trained to run them. They have published respect rules an if you don't stick to them, they stop you and will remove you if necessary.

I've been on the end of abuse on here a few times. What I've always said is that you have to forget the smaller number of events like this by a few people and look towards the greater use of the forum. This, and making some friends here, always kept me here when I had had enough of it.

I agree with you on respect, there's no need to be aggresive or disrespectful. Anxiety can make us more angry though so I've often made allowances for that as I've had it myself and made some uncharacteristic outbursts on family members (then felt awful straight away for it!) but some people are already like that so it will only add their their demeanor.

Admin have a complaints policy, there is an ignore function, etc. Sometimes it may be necessary but I hope not.

[mrjonesmcr]

Sadly, it does happen on forums. Admin's can't be on 24/7, and it's the internet, so people think they can be ruder than they may be in real life.

My experience of walk-in groups is very different. They have meeting coordinators who are trained to run them. They have published respect rules an if you don't stick to them, they stop you and will remove you if necessary.

I've been on the end of abuse on here a few times. What I've always said is that you have to forget the smaller number of events like this by a few people and look towards the greater use of the forum. This, and making some friends here, always kept me here when I had had enough of it.

I agree with you on respect, there's no need to be aggresive or disrespectful. Anxiety can make us more angry though so I've often made allowances for that as I've had it myself and made some uncharacteristic outbursts on family members (then felt awful straight away for it!) but some people are already like that so it will only add their their demeanor.

Admin have a complaints policy, there is an ignore function, etc. Sometimes it may be necessary but I hope not.

Unfortunately that is true. I've never tried a walk-in group though, I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it, but that's another issue.

Yes, I've been guilty of that too, I always instantly apologise though, I get it's wrong quite quickly.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Some people would come to the ones I went to and not speak. The coordinators would ask if you wanted to but there was no pressure.

One of the coordinators once told us all how he spent six months sitting outside in his car too afraid to come in. Then he managed to sit in reception. The staff were fine with it, it was a NHS community treatment place which the charity just used a meeting room in. Eventually he got into the room itself and it went from there.

I found it hard for a while. I was always more for the one on one approach. But I got used to it and the friendly people there helped greatly. Having people in different stages of recovery meant they could put you at ease.

If you did want to try it, you could always call the charity first and talk to them about what goes on in the meetings. I'm sure they wouldn't mind. My local charity is completely staffed by recovered or current anxiety & depression sufferers so they understand.

[mrjonesmcr]

Some people would come to the ones I went to and not speak. The coordinators would ask if you wanted to but there was no pressure.

One of the coordinators once told us all how he spent six months sitting outside in his car too afraid to come in. Then he managed to sit in reception. The staff were fine with it, it was a NHS community treatment place which the charity just used a meeting room in. Eventually he got into the room itself and it went from there.

I found it hard for a while. I was always more for the one on one approach. But I got used to it and the friendly people there helped greatly. Having people in different stages of recovery meant they could put you at ease.

If you did want to try it, you could always call the charity first and talk to them about what goes on in the meetings. I'm sure they wouldn't mind. My local charity is completely staffed by recovered or current anxiety & depression sufferers so they understand.

It's something I am considering, I think like you I am more for the one on one approach, but I accept I might have to bite the bullet on those feelings and try a group situation.

[Bigboyuk]

Sadly, it does happen on forums. Admin's can't be on 24/7, and it's the internet, so people think they can be ruder than they may be in real life.

My experience of walk-in groups is very different. They have meeting coordinators who are trained to run them. They have published respect rules an if you don't stick to them, they stop you and will remove you if necessary.

I've been on the end of abuse on here a few times. What I've always said is that you have to forget the smaller number of events like this by a few people and look towards the greater use of the forum. This, and making some friends here, always kept me here when I had had enough of it.

I agree with you on respect, there's no need to be aggresive or disrespectful. Anxiety can make us more angry though so I've often made allowances for that as I've had it myself and made some uncharacteristic outbursts on family members (then felt awful straight away for it!) but some people are already like that so it will only add their their demeanor.

Admin have a complaints policy, there is an ignore function, etc. Sometimes it may be necessary but I hope not.

Totally agree Terry on what you said For me it was quite easy walking in the room at the same charity as 1. I knew it was a 12 step recovery programme,2, The room would have people in who can 'relate' to your problem(s) Speaking in the first meeting is always daunting, did speak but only briefly now I can talk for England and not be judged or looked down at Just hope the charity does move in to other towns and cities which I think it will do in time. Cheers