Re: I just need someone.. anyone to speak to... please :(
Hello, this is exactly how agoraphobia can get a grip. Your fear eventually stops you from doing things like this until you no longer leave the house. You say 'yet again' which means you've been through this before, many times or just a few times you don't say, but let me tell you that you should be proud of yourself for at least trying to get through your shopping trip.
Once you retreat to your safe place..your home...the panic subsides as it always will and everything seeming too loud is just your nervous system coming down from the panic attack...the flight or fight effect results in all your senses being on high alert. What did you fear in the supermarket? That the panic would overwhelm you and you'd collapse and make a fool of yourself in front of strangers? That is actually very rare to be honest.
When I was at my worst with panic attacks many years ago, my therapist came with me to places like the supermarket and shopping centres etc, and instead of running outside again she told me to go and sit in a toilet cubicle where nobody could see me and let the tears flow if they must in private, or find a bench outside and sit with her until the feeling started to pass, then go back inside and give it another try. If it happened again so what? People would be too busy to notice me in and out of the place anyway.
As time went on my therapist stayed near but not with me, sometimes waiting outside the shop. I had to tell myself that nothing bad was going to happen to me because I always calmed down once outside or at home. Bad things do happen out there in life, but we have to learn to let go of the fear that something could happen to us while we're out there too.
I wasted so many years in an fog of anxiety and i'm not saying I'm not careful or mindful in certain situations...we all have our fears which is natural. Are you getting any help with this at all? I was lucky with my therapist because she was actually a community psychiatric nurse and did home visits so was able to help me from there which was great, but this was in the 1980s and alot has changed since then with mental health care.
x
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Without fear there cannot be courage - Christopher Paolini