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Thread: I feel like I'm dying all the time

  1. #1

    I feel like I'm dying all the time

    I'm 21, male, and have suffered with Health Anxiety for a number of years now as well as a number of other issues. My Health Anxiety began to appear in July/August of 2011 after my final year of sixth form and I was off to University that September, but my entire school year was overshadowed by the fact an incredibly close friend of mine that I had known since I was 4 years old was diagnosed with Liver Cancer at just 17 years old. She had been off sick for a few weeks and one day decided she was going to come in as she felt slightly better, but in the first lesson of the day, the entire class saw her throw up a large amount of fresh blood, which was terrifying to say the least. She got diagnosed pretty quickly after that and that was in December 2010, and by July 5th 2011 she had died, literally only managing to make it past her 18th birthday. Since then I've developed health anxiety which has started to rapidly consume everything in my life, I quit university because I couldn't cope with it, I've lost contact with the majority of my friends, the relationship with my family members is incredibly strained, my eating habits are incredibly unhealthy and I feel unstable as a whole. Currently I've been having an episode that has been ongoing since late June which started off with having extreme breathlessness and fatigue. I soon managed to figure out that it was Acid Reflux as the feeling that my lungs were being squeezed disappeared with exercise and exertion but came with resting. A few weeks went by and my breathlessness stopped but I developed this awful pressure in my ear that i couldn't explain, along with feeling like my balance was way off and my vision was blurry, I had severe headaches and felt this weird sensation across my shoulders up my neck and the back of my head. I pinned this as a brain tumour and was in such a state that even asking the doctor what this could be scared me shitless, so i left it and coped until it went away, which it did, apart from the odd feeling in my right ear. I decided to pluck up the courage to go to my doctor and tell him i was having this weird sensation of pressure in my ear as well as there being a strange lump sensation in the right side of my throat behind the tonsil and he looked and said everything looked normal to him, but prescribed me erythromycin for a potential eustachian tube infection. Since then i've managed to convince myself that I have either Throat Cancer, Nasopharyngeal Cancer, or a Cancerous tumour lodged somewhere in my Eustachian Tube. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I don't want to burden anyone with my issues, but I genuinely feel as if my mind is going to explode with all of these thoughts of, who will attend my funeral when I die, if this really is cancer should I just kill myself because I probably won't survive it anyway.

  2. #2
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    Re: I feel like I'm dying all the time

    Raitoning

    I feel where you're coming from with your health anxiety. For many years, including yesterday, sometimes my mind runs away with thoughts of serious problems within my body. My problem has been telling the difference between anxiety and a real health issue. Still with so much stress brought on by the anxiety, It's taken a troll on my body.

    Lord knows, I'm no mental health expert, just a man who's seen a lot of anxiety and panic in my own life. First, I would stress finding someone to confide in. For way too long I keep my torture to myself. Which has only lead to me having to seek help again and again for this issue. But still even now that I'm open with a number of friends and family and here, with my situation. Even now I'm getting "panicky" discussing it. But I do have enough wits about me to realize being open and honest is one step in finding peace.

    Also let me say, when speaking to your doctor, be honest about how you're feeling. If they can't help, either have them point you in the right direction or find another doctor who will. Even here in the Southern US, where mental treatment dollars are mostly for drug abuse treatment. They do spend a few pennies on those of us that have other mental issues.

    Finally, look deep at the value within yourself. I don't know you but each life is special. Each day I have to remind myself that I'm loved, not just by myself but by others in my life. Take some time and think on those thoughts of "I am loved". It sounds silly, but hey, it works.

    Take care Raitoning, remember you're in my thoughts at least. And, give some thought to what I said, you are not here by accident.

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