meetings panic-stage fright?

[londoner1973]

Hi everyone, this is my first ever post on a site like this, please bear with me, its a bit of a novel but I feel I have to get as much down as possible, as I need help

I am 43 and have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks most of my life-it has been manageable on the whole and I have been quite successful at times, including setting up and running a company that became quite large, employing around 300 people-I am probably seen as quite confident and relaxed, although those closest to me would know that I can get anxious

my anxiety has been in large part controllable, however it manifests most in the meetings environment and sometimes becomes impossible to predict or control, per my title, it feels like stage fright. This might include a business meeting, a one to one, interview etc- and is almost always in a situation when I have to wait for my turn to speak-my strategy when running the company (I left 2 years ago to deal with some personal matters) would be to kick off meetings myself, normally when everyone would still be chatting, just launch into it and get into a roll-however in situations when I'm waiting my turn I get myself so worked up, my heart pounds, I start sweating, my head feels heavy and 'flushed', I panic about how I'm going to start, what to say, whether i'll freeze, whether i'll speak coherently, make sense etc etc-the outcome is always the same, I go on to autopilot and start talking, however I'm just thinking about 'get-out' strategies, shall I pretend I'm about to be sick, or just say I'm having a dizzy spell, it invariably passes after about 30 seconds and then, as if by magic, my thoughts all fall into place and I'm on a roll, you can't shut me up! I would say when I get to this place I'm quite an inspirational speaker but the agony of getting there is horrific, and one day I'm not going to make it! clearly from the looks I'm getting, people are thinking, 'jesus he's nervous' - I am quite embarrassed by it, especially as it happens in the most informal environments and often I've been the most senior person in the room!

I write now because it happened 'one on one' the other day, I had a business meeting with this guy around a potential opportunity, it was in a cafe and very relaxed, we sat down and he launched into his spiel, who he was, the business he set up etc, for about 15 mins, for about the last 5 I switched off completely, didn't listen to a word he said, all I was thinking was 'its my turn next, what am I going to say, how am I going to match this'? I occasionally interrupted him to clarify a point, just so I could get talking and hope I would get into some sort of flow and get the dreaded 30 seconds out the way, but it didn't work-inevitably he suddenly said. 'so tell me about you' and here we go, autopilot, utterly uninspired, clearly nervous, 'err, I set up this company ten years ago, and err, left 8 years ago, and now I'm looking for new stuff etc' couldn't think what to say, head felt like it was about to explode, I was fidgeting, blushing probably, all I was thinking, again, was -'what excuse shall I use to get out of this situation fast!'

I could see in his eyes a look of, 'is this guy alright' - as normal I eventually got going, but then became too animated to try and cover lost tracks, and frankly he looked pretty bored by it all quite quickly! the meeting closed in a very unsatisfactory way, I won't be expecting his call....

why does this happen? I occasionally have therapy around personal matters and I can happily sit-down with my therapist and talk perfectly coherently from the outset when he asks 'how have you been' ditto a meeting with an accountant the other day who I am thinking of using, I had to tell him about myself, no problems

however In certain situations it is hell, and preys on my mind for days afterwards, I felt so low and depressed after this aforementioned meeting, not least is it an opportunity lost now but I feel, frankly, like a bit of a loser-its almost as if I'm going to be exposed as a fraud, i.e using the other day as an example this guy was probably told it was worth meeting me as I could be a real asset to his company, and I'm sitting there thinking, 'once I start talking you are going to figure out that I'm nothing more than a jibbering wreck' aaaagghhhh

so that's basically it, I need coping strategies, I need to understand this a bit-I live in London if it helps and anyone can recommend somewhere to go, someone to meet, although any tips gratefully received-it doesn't happen all the time, in fact I had to present a business plan today to 2 people and it was a breeze, but I kinda rolled in and just got going, no time to sit and stew and work myself up-but it's impossible to do that every time for the remainder of my life!
thanks in advance

[feareyes]

Very similar story here. I'm a business professional in the same age bracket - usually confident but meetings where I have to 'sell' my company are excrutiating - heart pounds, overheat, sweat profusely from head and torso - despite there being no obvious reason. Very frustrating. Did you have problems with bullying in childhood, out of interest? I was bullied for several years and am wondering whether this might be responsible. Have tried propanolol etc etc - nothing works - and am considering CBT.

[londoner1973]

Thanks for response, at last-someone!

No not bullied but I was always quite insecure and shy as a child/teenager , which I used to mask with arrogance-so people generally thought I was too cool for school - it was just an act though as, as I say, I was painfully shy-that's dissipated somewhat and I am broadly speaking quite confident and out-going now

how long do your attacks last, as I said in my first post mine tend to be quite short-lived and if I get through I tend to get on a roll, but the agony of the time leading up to it and the first 30 seconds is enough!

I've tried to link it to sleep, alcohol (the night before) and coffee, I don't think the latter helps and I steer clear of this before any event-

I really does seem, with me, to relate to having too much time to think, and then over-thinking and then panicking-i.e if we are going round the room and I'm waiting my turn I am just get so worked up internally, however if I can just kick it off straight up without time to stew I'm generally ok-not sure how to transport the latter mindset to the former situation!

[Carnation]

Hello Londoner 1973,

I am a Londoner too.

I wanted to refer to you phrase below...

I really does seem, with me, to relate to having too much time to think,

That is exactly what it is. Overthinking!!
you may not even be aware sometimes , because it may be your sub-conscious mind doing the damage, which is also why this sort of thing becomes more apparent when you are just sitting, relaxing, lying in bed and so on.
The lead up to something is the most damaging time for us anxiety sufferers.
We sort of have the panic attack, before we even have the attack.

If it happens with certain events, then you can maybe change your routine/tactics to change the thought process in the brain.
Anxiety is actually fear and although you may not be frightened, you maybe sub-consciously nervous/ scared or in an event or if it is trauma related, you would be consciously aware of that.
Sometimes in life, we may be nervous/scared of losing what we have, whether it be in a career, success, money, family, partner, children.
It can also affect us if we know someone sick or maybe the death of someone we know, jolts us into a some sort shock syndrome.
Then there is the stress factor turning in to pure exhaustion where you have pushed yourself too much, not had enough sleep over a long period of time and so on.

It could even be all of these things???

Now, I don't know you very well or your life, but I can relate to the Company thing and it is possible to overwork the brain to a point of sheer exhaustion that leaves anxiety open for abuse. But, you say that you have had anxiety for most of your life, so it maybe in your make-up with insecurities and nervousness.
And as you get older, the more we pile on and anxiety builds.

So, what can you do?

Yes, a good therapist will help you to cope.

Change your normal routine, so that the brain stops that trigger thought process.

Get gentle exercise; walking is good.

Take up a new hobby/pastime.

Get the right amount of sleep.

Eat well and stay away from processed/fast foods and cut down on coffee and alcohol.

Learn to release your emotions, don't keep things bottled up.

And most importantly, understand what is happening to you and why and accept it and adapt to it with your coping skills.

It is only Fear and that can not kill you. x

[Brighton84]

Hello, I’ve just stumbled across this thread.. I feel I could have written your original post word for word, I have the exact same experiences with getting worked up whilst waiting to speak. People view me as confident, and articulate, but in the situations you describe when waiting to talk, all it takes is a thought of ‘don’t panic now’ to set off a whole chain reaction that results in a near panic attack. I’ve often made excuses, pretended to not feel well so I could escape, but I’m running out of excuses. The physical symptoms are awful, not to mention the embarrassment and self-loathing that comes after the event, knowing that the panic has ‘won’.

Currently in a very anxious episode, and feeing really apprehensive about meetings in my diary. All I can think about is how to get out of the meetings, to avoid those physical symptoms. I know avoidance is not the answer but my subconscious brain has other ideas.

I’m afraid I don’t have any answers for you, but I’m really interested to know if you’ve found any good coping strategies since your post? Am really struggling at the moment and it’s reassuring to see I’m not alone. Hope you’re doing better.

[Jessep]

I could have written this story myself. Normally very confident, successful professional however occasionally I have severe panics in meetings seemingly out of the blue. Horribly embarrassing and have to think of an excuse - had tried everything- breathing exercises,
Getting good sleep, no coffee etc. nothing worked and it was always when I had to work up to talking - quite happy speaking off the cuff without warning. I’ve now tried propanol, a beta blocker. Seems to work however definitely dulls your mind a bit which is annoying. If I could just find a way of getting over that first 30 seconds it would be fine!

[StaffordEd]

Hi

I am 63 and a company director so I have had to deal with many people during my working life at many levels. Never had a problem. About 4/5 years ago after a very normal day at the office I came home poured a glass of wine and then had a very strange feeling of being distant and not in the same room as my wife. I could hear her talking but my response was garbage. Then a full blown panic attack struck. The classic feeling i'm having a heart attack. Medical tests cleared me of any physical problems which only left anxiety.

After one or two small ones I had nothing until recently. I have been feeling jaded for some weeks but thought nothing about it. On Saturday last I felt really rough. On Monday morning at work my panic attack struck again.

Your thread has thrown some light on my current situation. A number of months ago I had to address the employees of my company ( people I have known for many years ) about pension changes. After a few words I dried up and could not speak and handed the talk over to my colleague while I stood there shaking. A few weeks later I had an external meeting and again lost the plot. I could not even pick my cup of coffee up without spilling it through shaking. I think these two situations were the precursor to my latest attack.

This over thinking resonates with me as on both occasions I spent too much time going over what I was to say. When I was younger I use to shoot from the hip a lot and not worry if things went wrong. I am more conscious now of getting things wrong.

I may not of helped you with my post but I think you may have shown me where my problem is.

Good luck and best wishes to you.

[kelly135]

Hi everyone, this is my first ever post on a site like this, please bear with me, its a bit of a novel but I feel I have to get as much down as possible, as I need help

You mentioned that you were in therapy - have you tried role playing a meeting with your therapist?

[Newtolondon]

Hi,

I know this post is 2 years old, but I was just wondering if you had an update on how you’re coping or anything that has helped you?

I could’ve written your post word for word, it’s exactly what I’m going through!

I struggle with the having time to think and anticipatory panic when in work meetings or 1:1’s, when the little voice says “uh oh don’t get panicky, it’s your turn to speak soon” and the panic cycle begins... I regularly take propranolol and am having online CBT but I have just started a new job in London and I really really want to start afresh and not fall in to being a prisoner to my panic in work. I am 100% fine outside of work, I am very socialble and confident and I know people would be very surprised if they knew the truth.

It’s nice to know I’m not alone, how I wish there was a magic cure for us all!