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Thread: set back

  1. #1

    set back

    Hello -

    I have been making a lots of good progress in addressing my agoraphobia - made it on the motorway, on a bus and was a passenger in a car. I felt like i was managing my anxiety and not the other way round. I felt so positvie and to be honest a bit euphoric that I was being set free.

    This week I went on the motorway and was fine, coming home there is a point were the motorway stretches out and gives a fine view of bridge (not a big one) I took one look and got completely taken over my utter terror I had to vear quite dramatically to get off the motorway, I got off went round the roundabout and knew I had to get back on or I'd make it worse for myself and I did. Drove over the bridge and got home, anxiety subdued.

    Last night I went out to a bit of a school reunion - bit nervous to start. Decided that the motorway was not beating me, got on but then got gripped by panic aweful waves and waves of terror, wanted to escape and knowing that the bridge was coming up and I had no choice but to go over it. Got over it, but shaking, etc. Picked my friend up and then had a shocking night. Felt trapped (as I often do when I go out with people- another way the agoraphobia affects me) Ran to the loo twice, sat crying in the loos to my husband for a pep talk) Then started to worry that just driving in my car would make me feel panicky. I said at 10pm I would have to go home, and everyone else seemd happy to stay. We left and I drove my freind home and then cryed all the way home.

    I don't understand why this has happened - it feels like it has come so out of the blue.

    I know this weekend I have to be kind to my self, but I am so cross with myself, becasue I honestly don't think I can ever go on the motorway again, ever.

    As a treat to myself for the hard work and progress I've made, and becasue I've lost a lot of weight, I've booked with 3 other girls to go to a burlesque dancing class in the next city, this would have posed challenges even with the progress I've made, but I'm so worried that the anxiety will take over and floor me again.

    sorry to babble.

    Thanks for listening

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    2,428

    Re: set back

    Hi Reachers gal
    Try not to read too much into this setback. This is an illness of how we think. Remind yourself of how far you have come but also accept that you will remember in this way from time to time, because this is the way in which our brains are wired. It means as much or as little as you are going to allow it to. You have done really well and even if your nerves are a bit sensitised again it does not mean that you will not beat it. Don't put off socialising even if you need a lift from your husband or a friend while you build up to going on the motorway again.

    Veronica

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    523

    Re: set back

    I agree with Veronica. We have built the habit so long that even when we are making progress its still there. It takes time to unlearn these habits as they become instinct. Try not to let it hold you back. If you keep going as you are these setbacks will lessen in frequency and severity.

    All the best

    Nechtan

  4. #4
    Join Date
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    Location
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    Re: set back

    Hi.
    You have done so well.
    What i was told by my therapist is that panic doesn't give up that easily. If it thinks that you're doing just fine without it, it wants to try harder to effect you by stricking when you least expect it - but what you did was exactly the right thing to do. You carried on regardless and you're very brave to do that!

    Keep doing what you have been doing

    x
    __________________
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    Panic attacks started in 1992. 1998 i became agoraphobic which lead into being room bound. Couldn't even get upstairs. 2002 i started getting better, able to drive and work. 2005 i became house bound again. 2009 i have been making SLOW progress, still not able to go anywhere alone, but my journeys are getting longer. No where near 'normal' but at least i can go out.

  5. #5

    Re: set back

    Thankyou - I think I may have got this into perspective a bit more - the recovery is so draining isn't it?

    Thankyou for listening I really appreciate it.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
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    4,729

    Re: set back

    aw don't give up x you have been doing so well.
    it is the way it goes, one day your fine, some days you seem able to do things and even have fun, then out of the blue you can't even manage to do the little things.
    try to focus more on all the things you have managed to do, don't let the bad days erase all the good days you have had.
    this week i went and got my hair done, i was anxious but it went really well, then tonight i'm going out with my friend and i have had bad anxiety all day.
    i find it helps to say " I love and accept myself " " the universe provides everything i need "

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    2,744

    Re: set back

    a fine view of bridge (not a big one) I took one look and got completely taken over my utter terror I had to vear quite dramatically to get off the motorway, I got off went round the roundabout and knew I had to get back on or I'd make it worse for myself and I did. Drove over the bridge and got home, anxiety subdued.

    This will happen. Good days followed by a bad day. It's to be expected and that's the key thing - "to be expected". You're beating yourself up because you feel you've failed and that every day has to be a good day. Be kind to yourself and don't set such high expectations. Accept that bad days will happen and Don't dwell on them. Don't keep thinking about the terror you felt but remind yourself you got over the bridge and the anxiety went.

    If you dwell on the thought of terror, the bridge will aways represent terror so keep reminding yourself you defeated the bridge.

    The bridge in itself is just a bridge. The fear you feel is created by what you feel the bridge represents. Change what it represents, that it's just a bridge and nothing to be frightened off and keep your self-belief knowing that you DID get across the bridge. You DID win.

    If you can do this, the bridge will no longer cause you to panic.

    Never dwell on bad days and frightening thoughts but remember all the good days and how you were thinking on those days.

    If we sit in a car hoping the anxiety will subside but continually worry that it won't, the panic will never go because our worry keeps it alive. Remove worry, install self belief, build confidence in yourself, accept there is nothing to fear but fear itself, relax and adopt "I don't care" frame of mind, and panics will never affect you. It just takes practise to change the way we "think" so that we don't bring panics on ourselves. Of course though a bad day might bring on a panic but just accept it as a bad day and move on. Just like catching a cold! It happens but tomorrow is a new day. look to the future and don't dwell on bad days in the past.

    You've been doing So well. Keep faith in yourself.

  8. #8
    Join Date
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    Re: set back

    He speaks sense that chap Bill

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
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    Re: set back

    Having really bad few days of relapse myself after making steady progress for the last few weeks. It's so disheartening. You really make sense Bill. I found what you said helped me too.
    __________________
    Judy

  10. #10
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    Re: set back

    I'm just glad my always free advice helped.

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