I find nights so much more relaxed

[johnno]

I love nights. I remember the first time I began suffering with anxiety and never left my room. I would often sleep through the day and be awake at night, eating bowls of cereal, tea and biscuits whilst watching odd films on film four. I used to love feeling like I was the only one in existence at them times. Everyone else was unaware of the world. I still love yhat feeling now. Pure quietness, no need for rushing, no one around and a sensr of freedom from the constraints of society.
People often dread the wintery darkness that dominates our end of year days but I absolutely love it. I need to find a way of earning money so I can live this lifestyle permanently. Sleep during day, live for the night.

[joeinjapan]

Haha, I'm exactly the same! I'm always so much more relaxed late at night, whereas first thing in the morning I feel almost physically sick with anxiety about the day to come, events in the news, feelings of death and doom, etc.. But at night, after work and the kids have gone to bed, I watch old films, tv shows, read books, and I eat what I consider my main meal of the day and I'm as happy and relaxed as a pig in the brown stuff! The world could be ending, but as long as it's the dead of night I strangely fear nothing... I'm like two different people, my wife has long got used to it (she's more of a morning person) and doesn't nag me about it to her credit.

I think the reason is the absence of real time fellow human activity that could upset and bother me, whether its scare-mongering news reports "we're all DOOMED!", angry bosses, chippy customers, rude feckers on trains, traffic noise, etc. I totally recharge my mental batteries in the dead of night because 99% of the people in my vicinity are asleep!

[johnno]

I know the feeling. Even sometimes when I hear a birdsong, I feel a dread, as I know that is the signal of the first break of light. Also that feeling of getting up for work; knowing I have to be up early to do something I don't enjoy.

I see you are from Japan ? Were you born there or emigrate ?? I have a few novels from japanese writers. They write from an absurdist's perspective which I can always relate to.

As for the news, barely ever watch. As you say, its full of negative news and they don't even tell half a story which is incredible since it is the news. I don't have no tv signal either so I just grab a few dvd's every weekend.

[joeinjapan]

I'm British mate, but moved to Japan in 1997 to teach English, then married a local girl and now have 3 kids

Have suffered with bad HA ever since I got acute hepatitis B over here in 98 from an ex-GF who was an asymptomatic carrier...thankfully I was fully treated and recovered in 3 months, but ever since I have had intermittent panic attacks, depressive episodes and hypochondria. In the last 2 years I have been convinced I was dying from bowel cancer, a brain tumour and that I had hiv. I've also felt rising panic about the state of the world in general, and that has forced me to not watch the news much anymore as it can set me off suddenly, especially if it's about war, terrorism or health scares...

What's your "nomorepanic" story?

[johnno]

Yeah, I think that is the frustrating thing about anxiety, the fact that it is totally illogical yet you can't stop that stream of thought.
I started suffering with anxiety from about the age of about 17 but in retrospect there was elements of it from a very young age. I remember being scared to say anything in social situations, such as at a dinner table, in fear of saying something stupid.

Just buggered up again as well. Last night I got drunk for first time in ages and got charged with criminal damage. I think it is a signal I need to get some help. Although I'm not sure if I can be helped. Tried various treatments/therapies, as well as meditation, but I always seem to slip into depression.

Is that you in Japan for life now then ?

[joeinjapan]

Yeah, I was a pretty shy and easily intimidated kid as well. I used to hate adults asking me stuff at family get togethers, in case I said something stupid and embarrassed my parents. My mother also had HA, and would make a mountain out of a molehill, such as "if you don't wash that cut properly you could get lockjaw or meningitis and you'll die".

So what did you do? Steal a copper's helmet and throw it through a shop window?

[MrFriday]

I'm a night person too. I feel so alive.

[johnno]

Lol I wish it was something as comical as that but unfortunately it was my ex girlfriends. Luckily she wasn't in.

I just walked across the beach whilst it was moonlit. Done 4 hours of dog walking today. Helped clear my head abit.

[MyNameIsTerry]

So what did you do? Steal a copper's helmet and throw it through a shop window?

That reminds me of the anti piracy warning for Roy's pirate DVD in The IT Crowd where it says:

"You wouldn't shoot a policeman, then steal his helmet, then go to the toilet in his helment, send it to his widow and then steal it again"