Sick of Setbacks

[littleme92]

I have had anxiety and depression for since I was 18 but have had a bad setback in May which caused me to go off sick from work. I was breaking down in tears every day as I was stressed about a holiday I had booked going on a coach tour in Europe, eventually I ended up cancelling the holiday.

Since then I have had a lot of ups and downs but every month or so I have been having a huge setback. Just when I am feeling a bit better and think about going back to work I have so much anxiety that I end up really depressed again where I feel hopeless and that I will never get better. I am due to go back on 10th October and I am feeling exactly the same now as I did before I went off work. I feel like I can see it coming that I will go back and feel like this again and won't be able to cope or I will either be sacked or have to quit.

Anxiety and depression have ruined my life, all I have done today is cry. I went for a walk with my mum and dad and my mind wouldn't stop racing I actually started crying while I was out. Every time I have a setback, it knocks another bit of my confidence off from ever getting better. I don't want my life to be like this forever. I started a new anti depressant a week ago but I am loosing hope that it is going to work. I just feel really hopeless.

[Benjammin69]

Hi I'm really sorry to hear about your struggles. Are you in therapy at all? Setbacks are normal and with time and understanding setbacks can be reduced in time. What I have learnt about setbacks are they are very real and have a real reason but they tell you a big big lie!! People who have had depression/anxiety know what them feelings are like we are scared of those feelings... so we are super super aware of how we feel Day in day out. So if we are feeling under the weather - it feels like depression, if we start a new medication - it feels like depression, that panicky feeling because your tired. They aren't setbacks they are similarities. Therapy really helps me define a set back and similarities. I am going through a tough time at the moment and I have been out and in work since last August till April and I am doing ok but having a few tough days and it's scary those feelings. But this too shall pass, everyone is fluid we change every day, every hour , every minute. Try to see it for what it is - and hold on for the rough ride that entails but each time it will shorten with length and lessen with intensity . Hope this makes sense


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Kathhlarsen]

Why would he come back? Is there even a chance for that?

No I haven't given it any thought because it happened 5 days ago. I mean I'm gonna give him time, space, acceptance and such and then hopefully, if he doesn't come back, I'll get over it.. Eventually

[littleme92]

I am having CBT but I don't feel like it is going to work because everything I am being given to try, I feel like it doesn't work. I woke up this morning not even wanting to get up out of bed because I felt like it would take so much effort and I just wanted to go to sleep until one day I wake up feeling better. I did get up and go out but I still feel like everything is too much effort and I don't want to be bothered. I just keep thinking "what's the point?" and then I get scared of feeling like this and that brings the anxiety back. I am 9 days into starting Sertraline after being on citalopram for years and i cant see any improvement yet.

[lior]

Hello littleme92. I'm sorry you feel this way. Sending you love and light.

I remember feeling like that - that I just want to go to sleep and wake up feeling better. Unfortunately, the only way out of this is to do the work - the self work, the mental work of changing yourself and your mind and your beliefs and your life. I remember feeling completely overwhelmed at this thought. It seemed like so much work that I would never be able to do it. I didn't have the strength to do it. I was sure that I couldn't change myself enough to be not depressed.

I am here today and I can tell you that I was wrong. It was a lot of hard work, and I continue to work hard. But it gets easier. It's like learning to ride a bike. At first, you keep falling off. But then it gets easier and it even gets pleasurable. Learning to change yourself is an incredibly powerful thing. Relative to other people who have not been through these struggles and have not had to learn how to do it, it will be your superpower.

Drugs help us get to a place where we can start to do this work. Hang on in there. These feelings will pass. Once you're ready to do the work, you will get it done.

Your job is less important than your mental health. Your main job can be looking after your mental health. I've come to decide that no job is worth my mental health.

You believing that nothing is going to work might not be serving you that well. Part of it is letting things help you. You need to let things help you - open your heart and your mind, and let them do their job. Keep trying new things if that helps. I did CBT and it was interesting but it didn't make the difference alone. Psychotherapy also helped me. But the main thing for me has been to be properly introspective, to listen to my mind, to understand how it works, and to dedicate myself to changing it - therapies helped but I needed to put the work in myself to make it work.

You can do this.

[littleme92]

Thanks for the reply

I have had the day from hell today so I just need to vent, sorry in advance!

I woke up this morning actually feeling a little bit better but still didn't want to get up, I did get up though. I just had a random intrusive thought that my life is boring then I thought what if I don't want to get better, which I know is stupid because I do. The depression seemed to wash over me from there. I have a creative writing class I go to on a Wednesday morning which is for people with mental health problems. I managed to sit through an hour of it but I had a breakdown in the second hour and just started crying my eyes out. Everybody was really nice and looked after me but I felt awful for letting myself get in that state. Somebody came with me to get some lunch and walked me to my psychology appointment because I felt unable to go on my own in case I broke down in tears again. I keep getting confused as well. I felt awful during CBT because I felt like my brain wasn't working and I couldn't concentrate properly. I managed to get the bus back home by myself without breaking down but when I got home I just felt drained.

People keep telling me that to beat depression, you need to get out and do things but sometimes being out around people makes me feel worse because I just don't want to make the effort to pretend i'm ok, I just want to cry

Does anyone else struggle holding in their emotions in public?