worried about my mum

[lef93]

Hi,

My over worrying doesn't just transmit to myself but other people and their health too. Recently I have been worried about my mum, she is 59 and I have no idea how long this has been happening for but I have definitely become most conscious of it over the past month and it is worrying me.

I have noticed that my mum gets words mixed up a lot. I, again have no idea how long this has been happening for but I seem to notice it on an every-other-day basis. When it happens she realises it and often corrects herself but it alarms me a little. Recently she called the house scaffolding a trampoline and randomly went 'why did I say that?, she gets celebrities names mixed up a lot. Recently, we were watching tv and she called simon cowell 'Dudley' and again said 'why did I call him that?', and phrases, such as 'life is like a bowl of cherries' instead of chocolates. She called the greasy spoon 'greasy joes' the other day, and sometimes she gets me, my brothers, and my pets names mixed up, but is very quick to correct herself in this case. I didn't really consider this too alarming at first, as I (24) sometimes do this myself, but the fact that I notice it quite frequently has concerned me.

Today she mentioned twice how the food tasted really nice and again I also sometimes repeat myself for the sake of saying something so I didn't really consider it odd, but then she turned around and asked if she had already told us about a story she had mentioned earlier, of which she had, and I think because I am very conscious of all the scary diseases out there that can cause this repetition stuff it really freaked me out.

Other than getting words/names/phrases mixed up I haven't really noticed much else, in fact (at times) I feel my mum is more coherent than me and often ends up remembering stuff for the rest of us when we forget to do things etc.

Just under a year ago my mum told me about how she was dealing with an ear infection, and how last summer it was affecting her memory. She told me, funny enough, about how she would often look at us and have to run through a list of names in her head until she got to the right one, and how it scared her but a few months later she was fine. She told me about how she once woke up and was really confused and disorientated. At the moment she is complaining about these ear and sinus problems again, and I wondered if there was such a thing as brain fog related to ear infections/ear issues.

My mum also is pretty much always sleep deprived. She often deliberately goes to bed past 12 and may get up at 6-8, and she spends the whole day working/going shopping etc. so she is always on her feet. I know myself that when I am tired I don't function too well mentally so I did wonder if fatigue could be a contributing factor.

I think it is quite obvious that I am concerned about some of the more serious diseases like dementia. I know that nobody here can give a medical diagnosis but I suppose I am just wondering if my worries are valid about something that seems glaringly off or whether these things can happen but it might just be worth checking anyway. In other words, are things like these a sure sign of serious disease or can they be other things too? I often find myself jumping to the worst case scenario with my anxiety and it is difficult to be rational.

It is sort of a hard one because if a parent has ever had a health problem I have just confessed my worries to their face, but obviously with something like this I cannot approach it in this way. I don't talk to my dad as much as my mum and I just feel that if I mentioned it to my dad or siblings that they might think I am a bit nuts, so I am just sort of scared and worried with no idea what to do and I can't tell If I am blowing things out of proportion or not.

[AnxiousJamie]

Before thinking the worst, think about other likely causes. Thyroid issues, sleeping problems, vitamin deficiencies can all cause memory issues. I have word finding issues and they scare me from time to time. Especially since I work with dementia patients everyday as a medical speech pathologist.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Before thinking the worst, think about other likely causes. Thyroid issues, sleeping problems, vitamin deficiencies can all cause memory issues. I have word finding issues and they scare me from time to time. Especially since I work with dementia patients everyday as a medical speech pathologist.

Add to these getting older. The things you mention are quite common in older people and the neurotransmitters that work with such as memory reduce as we age e.g. Serotonin (which has been cited as a possible reason for the increased rates of depression in older people although it's only one potential reason and Serotonin alone isn't proven to be a root cause).

Given she has had an ear infection that caused similar and she thinks it's back the best course of action is for her to see her GP. Given her age they will likely look to rule out things like dementia anyway.

I'm in my early forties and have experienced what your mum has through my anxiety. And when you have brain fog it's pretty hard to think straight or remember things. Mental health disorders affect cognitive functions and memory recall so if she is experiencing brain fog it wouldn't surprise me if she struggled with which things.

Don't be tempted to let your anxiety jump the gun. My parents are mid-late seventies and experience this all the time as it's just natural aging.

[Cptdebbie]

Lef93, your mother sounds just like me. I am 57 years old and do all the things your mother is doing. And believe me, I don't take my memory changes lightly. My mother died of Alzheimer's disease.

I have anxiety and depression which causes me problems with memory and brain fog. When my A&D became treatment resistant a few years ago, I got tested for Alzheimer's TWICE. That was scary. The tests, though, were more about reasoning and understanding than memory. And, it might help you to know that when my mother did get Alzheimer's disease, her memory wasn't the first thing affected. Instead, she became extremely paranoid and even hallucinated.

I don't know what exactly is happening with your mother, but I do know that I sit with my friends and laugh about the increasing number of "senior moments" in our lives. And, my friends don't even have anxiety and depression like I do. They are regular healthy people.

I've also noticed that being fatigued has more of an effect on me than it did when I was younger. When it hits, my mind goes fast. I simply can't do things that require thinking anymore if I am tired.

Your mother could probably relate to this: My husband and I have a son-in-law named Sebastian, a dog named Samson, a grandson named Samuel, and good friends whose last name is Samsel. We've given up trying to get these names right. It's a lost cause. We just laugh at ourselves, most of the time anyway. Sometimes my anxiety takes over and I'm sure I have Alzheimer's

I think it is wonderful that you care about your mother. If it were me, I'd wait for a while and see how things go. One of the first clues about my mother's illness was that she lost the concept of what it meant to take a pill every day. She would call and ask me over and over what the instructions on her bottle meant and how to take her blood pressure pills. She also started thinking advertisements in the mail were bill collectors trying to steal her money. If you see those kinds of things happening, I'd definitely talk with other family members.

Best wishes.

[Scass]

It’s lovely that you care so much for your Mum. I think she’s pretty much fine.
When I’m with my partners family they all call each other the wrong name constantly, and they don’t even notice . At least your Mum is picking up on it!
She might be feeling a bit self-conscious about it, especially if you’re questioning her, or looking concerned. Mums pick up on a lot more than you realise - we gave birth to you, we know you!! And yes, she’s tired. Do you help her out around the house?

I think everything she’s doing is normal. Please try not to be too concerned. My mum had dementia and her symptoms were more alarming.


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[Kingdawson]

Getting 6 to 8 hours sleep a night is is no way, shape or form sleep deprived.

[Scass]

Getting 6 to 8 hours sleep a night is is no way, shape or form sleep deprived.

It’s really not.
Since having a child I’ve gone from a happy 8 or 9 hours a night to functioning on anything from 2-5 hours. Now I generally get 7-9 and that’s pretty good for me. I’m still tired though


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[MyNameIsTerry]

Getting 6 to 8 hours sleep a night is is no way, shape or form sleep deprived.

Yes and as we age our sleep pattern ls can change. Older people tend to get less sleep at night and dose in the day.

[Cptdebbie]

As an actual fifty something person, I thought I’d add my two cents to the sleep discussion.

I actually need a lot more sleep in my fifties than I did when I was younger. (I suspect that will change sometime in the future though.) And, as I said earlier, the effects of being tired are much more pronounced. I used to be able to still do all kinds of things when I was tired. Not anymore. I put things away to finish in the morning almost every night these days. My tired brain just can’t tackle them.

It is also true that I need more sleep when I am experiencing my depression and anxiety. And, the quality of my sleep has more of an impact as I age. There are some days when I am sleep deprived with eight hours of sleep. In fact, some days I think I could sleep all day and still not wake up rested. It all depends on how well I slept and what my anxiety and depression levels are.

All in all, I think the OP’s mum could very well be sleep deprived. It’s not hard to do when you are a busy middle aged hard working woman.

[pulisa]

I'm your Mum's age and if she's anything like me then her mind will be on looking after her family, working and always trying to stay one step ahead of things. I'm sure she's probably mentally and physically tired and may need a bit more help from her family with practical stuff?
She's right to say "life is like a bowl of cherries" too. I know that phrase but it just shows my age! Get her to make a GP appointment to check out her ear/sinus problems though?