FEELING DOWN ~ CONSTANT BATTLE

[Sarah-Jane]

As you all know i have 3 kids george and rebekah 6 1/2 old twins and james 5 yrs old. Am finding it hard at the moment. Seems they are all acting like teenagers all ready seem to have a strong personality and the attitude that they are always right want to do as they want eat what they want or even james especially not eating his dinners at all and are constantly on the go. the boys last night were fighting and george gave james a black eye and then james kicked george[?] the fighting and shouting is on a constant daily basis i feel exhausted and not in control. Ive tried all the usual parental things letting them choose what they want for dinner, ive tried sending them to their room when they are cheeky, dont listen or dont do as theyre told, tried a sticker chart to reward good behaviour etc etc the list is endless. I now feel as if im constantly shouting at them and i hate it because my mum always shouted at me as a kid and i hated it and i vowed never to put my kids through it and here i am [?] This is not doing my anxiety and panic feelings any good and after ive done so well tackling my anxiety and panic i now have another challenge to face. i feel such an idiot and a faliour and feel now im a bad mum out of control and feel as they get older the fights temper tantrums etc are going to get worse

Love & Hugs from Sarah-Jane xxxx

[Meg]

SJ,

I don't have any kids so cannot offer any advice but I do know that this is completely normal for that age kids especially little boys.

One of my friends got some good relief from enrolling her 3 boys (2 ADDH) under 7, into a martial arts/ gym classes from age 4 where they were taught self respect, discipline and a healthy way out to release all the pent up energies and gave them all omega 3's.

Are they all at school during the day, giving you some time until you start your new job ...

I have no doubt that this must be an enormous task and I do not think you being a failure is even worth a thought and we know you're certainly not an idiot or a bad Mum.


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[henri]

Hi Sarah-jane,

Firstly, you are not an idiot, or a failure, or a bad mum. Sounds like your children are a bit of a handful (aren't they all) and it sounds like they're at a tricky age. I think Meg's idea is brilliant - some kids are just so hyper, some form of physical release would do them good.
So many people on this site are trying to cope with panic and anxiety without having to bring up children, and find it hard enough. when i'm feeliing bad, i can't even talk to my boyfriend, let alone cook his dinner, put the dishwasher on etc.
Is there any way you can get a family member or friend or whatever to look after the kids for an afternoon or something? I think you need a bit of time to yourself - we always forget to look after ourselves.
Take care sarah jane,
henri x

[kirgray]

Hi Sarah-Jane

I think Meg and Henri have some very good advice there!. I admire people who have kids, I know on an every day level how exhausted I am from feeling anxious I have to drag myself out to do things otherwise I would end up in bed all day!. Henris advice of an afternoon to yourself sounds very good it would give you some me time to relax and just take some time out in general!. XX

[kairen]

Hi sarah jane

boy do i sympathise with you on that one i have 2 girl 5 and 7, the youngest is the worst has no fear you can threaten her with anything, since they have gone back to school they have been a night mare im not sure if they are tired or what, but i feel like you, all i do is shout, they are screaming and fighting one minute then best of friends the next,

mornings are a night mare sum mornings i dread getting up, the arguements start "it my turn to choose the tv channel" " i want to sit there", "ididnt want jam on my toast" " mam she is making faces at me" etc etc etc....then its the lets get dressed those are my knickers thats my bobble every morning i spend screaming at them then come 3.pm and it all starts again,

every night when i go to bed i think tmrw i will not shout i will be calm but it never works out that way, and i have given up beating myself up over it the way i look at it is if they were behaving i wouldnt be shouting so i wont feel guilty about that one, and if one of them is being better than the other i praise that one that normally works for a few minutes anyway. try not to feel guilty about it, i dont know any mother who does not shout at sum point and kids arent daft they know how to pull those strings good luck
and your not a failure or alone on this one

take care xxx

kairen x

[carlin]

Hi Sarah-Jane,
You are definately not a failure an idiot or a bad mum. It is hard work with kids, and they tend to sense when you are feeling vunerable. It is perfectly natural for them to fight, compete for your attention etc.. and i can assure they will not grow up fighting, eventually they will take on seperate interests, friends etc. As mentioned are they all at school, if they are you must make some free time for yourself at some point during the day. Even if you cat-nap for half hour or so, you'll have a bit of energy for the evening session. Prepare simple and easy meals for the kids, if they don't want it, so be it. Make it a time to sit and chat about their day, sounds very corny, but sometimes the old fashioned ways do tend to work, and you get a chance to sit and eat your meal too. I am trying to remember what i did with my lot, but it was such a while back (youngest is 15) that i can't really recall it. I know it isn't eay with children and anxiety, but things will gradually improve and you must not feel guilty. Keep in touch

[Jan]

Hi there Sarah-Jane

Good grief no you aren't a bad mum. The trouble is we all want to be super mum. You read such alot and see such alot and all these women give off airs of being so wonderful. Your kids are testing you. Mine are exactly the same even my two yr old. I have 2 girls ages 12 and 7 and a little boy aged 2. They all drive me nuts at times and I cannot cope due to being ill at the moment. I feel a failure too but that is being to hard on yourself. I know what you mean about shouting I am trying desperately not to at the moment but it is very difficult.
Try not to worry.

Janine

[kate]

Hi Sarah Jane,

Don't know if you are watching the series "Super Nanny" but her approach seems to work no matter what the little horrors throw at her!

When a child starts misbehaving, she gives them a warning then, if the bad behaviour continues, the child is taken away to a time out room for a short period of time. They may well try to leave the room but the parent must continue to put them back there. At the end of 5 minutes, the parent enters the time out room, explains to the child what they have done wrong, and gets them to apologise. They then get a hug and come back to rejoin the rest of the family.

It does seem to take a great deal of effort and would be even harder for us panickers but, once it starts to be effective, then family life improves beyond recognition.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do but, above all, remember that you are in no way a bad mom, you are just human like the rest of us



Love Kate x

[Tracy68]

Hi Sarah-Jane
A massive hug coming your way hun. I totally sympathise with how you are feeling. Bringing up kids isn't easy at the best of times let alone when you are already feeling low.
I have 2 girls ages 11 and 7 and the eldest is really hormonal and the arguements in this house are unbelievable. Only yesterday they argued about who was going up the stairs first for goodness sake lol. I'm laughing now but at the time just wanted to scream and shout.
I go through the stages of thinking i'm a bad mother as well.
So please don't think you are alone in all this.
Take care
Tracy
x

[sal]

Hi Sarah Jane

It isnt easy and i know that through experience, but you seem to be trying your hardest to sort it out. They will fight and they will be fussy eaters and play on you as much as they can. One of my friends told me when Sam was 5 and really playing up not to send her to her room, as in there she had her toys, games etc. But to make her sit on the stairs and if she moved she had to sit there longer. I know it sounds harsh but it soon calmed her down, as what could entertain her sitting on the stairs.

Hope things improve and we can help you through this.

Love Sal xx


Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.