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  #1  
Old 09-01-17, 00:39
Librella Librella is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 15
I feel so alone

I struggle with general anxiety and hypochondria and as I get older I think I might have social anxiety too. I have a few close friends, who I'm grateful for, but they all have their own groups and they can't hang out with me all the time. Sometimes I feel really clingy and like I'm relying too much on them. But I'm becoming more and more reluctant to meet new people. Spending time with people I don't know well is just exhausting and doesn't seem worth the effort. It's even worse during the winter, when my Seasonal depression hits.

It carries over to dating too. I didn't care much about being single through most of my 20s. But now I'm 27 and have never been in a relationship or dated much at all, and I feel like a freak for it. My embarrassment over lack of experience, and my anxiety about meeting anyone new, continues to keep me from getting into a relationship. Yes, I've even turned down dates because of it, so I have no one to blame but myself.
Besides, when I think about having to spend all my time with one person, it sounds horrible. I really like my alone time, maybe I'm just not built for a relationship...pretty sure no one wants someone with my issues anyway.

I guess these feelings are pretty common for someone with anxiety, I just wanted to vent, and see if anyone else feels like this. I really do feel like a social freak sometimes.
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  #2  
Old 09-01-17, 01:34
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Clydesdale Epona Clydesdale Epona is offline
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Re: I feel so alone

Hi there! x.
i've been there myself trust me, what i've learned from going to a bunch of groups is that socializing ain't really my thing, i can handle it well if i have to but it's quite tiring, i boast well with a small amount of friends, i've started to accept that i'm just a loner who is also clingly somehow x i often think i'm the biggest social freak there is so you're not alone there either, x
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  #3  
Old 09-01-17, 10:26
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SLA SLA is offline
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Re: I feel so alone

You talk a lot about what you don't want, and paint a very negative picture for yourself.

What DO you want life to be like?
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  #4  
Old 09-01-17, 10:43
Bigboyuk Bigboyuk is offline
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Re: I feel so alone

Hi I too get very negative about my self so you aren't alone on this and you get to the point where ( I know I do ) where you cant be bothered in going out and it's so soul destroying (: And while some me time is important I have too much me time. So not good Hope you start on the road to recovery soon Cheers
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  #5  
Old 09-01-17, 11:15
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Beckybecks Beckybecks is offline
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Posts: 612
Re: I feel so alone

Hi, I too have anxiety and find more and more that I want to stay home away from other people. I think that it's my safe place where I feel comfortable.

When I have to go out I really battle to be anywhere that's unfamiliar or amongst strangers. I never used to be like this so I know that the anxiety has caused it. When I'm out, even at the shops, I get loads of anxiety symptoms, which is why I probably prefer to stay home.

Having said that, I refuse to allow the anxiety to take cmplete control of my life so that I become a recluse. I make an effort to go out and when I do, especially for socialising, I usually find after a while that I relax and forget about the anxiety symptoms, so I know it's good for me.

You're way too young to be a recluse. Yes it's nice to spend time alone but it's also important to spend time with other people. Maybe you should join a club. You might find that you actually enjoy it once you get over the initial anxiety of being amongst strangers. It could even help you with your anxiety.

The saying goes.....A stranger is just a friend you haven't met.......and this is often true
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  #6  
Old 09-01-17, 23:00
Dave1 Dave1 is offline
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Re: I feel so alone

Hi Libs,

You sound uncannily like me. I'm a lot older, I had similar problems and regretfully I didn't really tackle them. You need to tackle this while you're young - otherwise you'll end up like me! Investigate what resources are available, work out a strategy and seriously tackle your problems.

Dave
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  #7  
Old 10-01-17, 09:34
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Deckard Deckard is offline
 
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Re: I feel so alone

Hi Librella,

I'm not much older than you, and I have never had any relationship. That really hit me only recently (when I turned 30), although it somewhat bothered me since my early 20's. I can understand that it does not get any easier. First of all, there is the stigma of never having been in a relationship. Then there is the lack of experience. Add anxiety of meeting new people and a general social awkwardness to the mix, and you've got a problem. And I don't know what it is like for you, but I'm putting pressure on myself that 'I have to find someone' or else I'll end up all alone forever. That kind of thinking is toxic, by putting pressure on myself I only get more anxious, which brings me back to not tackling the issue at all. Not that I would know where to begin approaching the problem.

Like Dave1 said, the issue needs to be addressed sooner rather than later. It's good advice, but implementation is difficult, as I'm sure you are aware.
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  #8  
Old 10-01-17, 16:45
jamesgdev jamesgdev is offline
 
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Re: I feel so alone

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!! Just remember you have people here should you need them
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  #9  
Old 28-01-17, 02:36
cfafly cfafly is offline
 
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Wink Re: I feel so alone

I have trouble making friends too... like you, I like to go solo and independent but sometimes I find myself staring at other groups or pairs of friends as they talk, laugh, and spend time together. When I am with people, I try to make myself fun to be around but sometimes I overdo it. My suggestion is to never push a friendship or relationship. Let everything happen naturally because these things take time. And people who think like the lone wolf aren't necessarily isolated. There are people out there just like you and me and one day you might just run into one.

If you still are struggling, maybe try finding just one person and not a whole pack. Bonding with one person is easier than trying to impress a whole group. Again I know this is tough because lots of people come with a whole group.

Best of luck!
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  #10  
Old 28-01-17, 02:48
Noivous Noivous is offline
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Re: I feel so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Librella View Post
I struggle with general anxiety and hypochondria and as I get older I think I might have social anxiety too. I have a few close friends, who I'm grateful for, but they all have their own groups and they can't hang out with me all the time. Sometimes I feel really clingy and like I'm relying too much on them. But I'm becoming more and more reluctant to meet new people. Spending time with people I don't know well is just exhausting and doesn't seem worth the effort. It's even worse during the winter, when my Seasonal depression hits.

It carries over to dating too. I didn't care much about being single through most of my 20s. But now I'm 27 and have never been in a relationship or dated much at all, and I feel like a freak for it. My embarrassment over lack of experience, and my anxiety about meeting anyone new, continues to keep me from getting into a relationship. Yes, I've even turned down dates because of it, so I have no one to blame but myself.
Besides, when I think about having to spend all my time with one person, it sounds horrible. I really like my alone time, maybe I'm just not built for a relationship...pretty sure no one wants someone with my issues anyway.

I guess these feelings are pretty common for someone with anxiety, I just wanted to vent, and see if anyone else feels like this. I really do feel like a social freak sometimes.
Hi - Well you are not any kind of a freak at all. You are a human being with human problems. And don't ever think there's not someone out there for you. Honestly there are literally thousands of someone's out there for you. But you have to take some initiative. However uncomfortable it may feel you might have to force yourself to socialize. The more you do it the easier it will become. I think you will come to enjoy yourself. Maybe not every time with every person but much of the time. And lots of people who like their alone time have very good relationships. And please don't talk about 27 like it's old. I have a pair of shoes that are 28.
Take a chance.

N.
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