So today Im like totally sick over this. Ive started thinking that maybe I actually want to perform the thoughts in my head, even tho i cant bring myself to think of them b/c they make me sick, like doing them will be the only relief that i will find from this. So that means i will have to kill myself or spend the rest of my life locked away tortured with these thoughts.

Pretty depressing... huh.

(harming ppl or myself are the thoughts)

edit: Reality is i want them to be gone and be the person I was before, happy&carefree, but now i feel like i will be plagued by them forever and they are driving me mad. I feel so hopeless against this. I feel trapped inside my own stupid thoughts.

Also sometimes when I walk home sometimes I feel like i blacked out and went and did something crazy but i just cant remember, so I will watch the news and stuff to see if anything happened.