Thought I'd just write a bit about my experiences, to get things out of my head and to see if anyone else understood my feelings! For many years I have had a small business in the building industry, at times the stress levels of keeping up with the work load, finding the next job, getting paid for the work you've carried out, have been fairly high. I have almost always managed to deal with things but over the last few years the effects on myself, and my wife, have become far worse. As you get older i guess not only are you less able to deal with things but you no longer want too, as your priorities change. This year I experienced my first panic attack, suffered a period of anxiety and depression, this lasted from late January until the end of May, at which point things improved no end; I was in some kind of control at work, and the outstanding monies owed to myself were reducing. For two months things continued to tick along nicely and i felt better day by day. However circumstances caught me up again, having Said yes to several new jobs I lost some of our labour and was left unable to cope, my depression anxiety and the panic attacks came rushing back. I have tried one way or another to finish jobs, pass work on, get help with work, or just say no I can't do the job anymore. To some extent this has worked but it also brings the uncertainty of what do I do now. So I have remained somewhere in the middle still trying to work but wanting to stop take the pressure off and get well. I have been on medication for several months which seems to work sporadically, and stress seems to wipe out all the benefits. I suppose ( as the most important thing is your health and happiness) would be to stop completely and remove the very thing causing the terrible feelings I have, this is not just about me as the effects on my wife are awful. Obviously the external problems getting settled would make things, so much better but, with the anxiety and depression it is so difficult to make good decisions and be able to get things sorted out. This sums things up more or less, we are so desperate to get well, and be able to have a life without the endless anxiety that dominates everything. I'm not sure if there is an answer and maybe the best thing would be to stop no matter the consequences and be able to have a clean slate for my minds sake. I am waiting for my counselling to start and hope that this will help me to deal with things from a different perspective. My apologies, it has been very hard to focus and write down my thoughts accurately
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