Relapse after moving house, really bad this time, please help!

[KelsBellz]

Hello, I'm in the middle of moving out of my parents's house to live with my fiance. I was both nervous and excited, making plans and thinking about all the things we could do together but the closer it got to moving day the more anxious I got. I had several panic attacks for four days and couldn't stop crying,come moving day I completely broke down and I was overwhelmed with terror, misery and isolation and when my attacks get really bad I "regress" and I felt like I'd been abandoned and I was frantic and begged my parents not to leave me. All I could do was wander around my new house in the dark, begging for someone, anyone to help me and to save me before falling asleep out of exhaustion.

I'm so exhausted, constantly terrified and crying. I've barely slept or eaten and I had to force myself to drink something so I can take my medication and its triggered me to self harm because I can't cope with how I feel. I know I can't stay at my parents's forever and I don't want to but I'm too terrified to go back (even the thought of moving my things there makes me panic!) I don't feel like I belong anywhere and I don't know what to do or how to make it stop. I feel like dying, anything to make it stop. I feel like it's going to destroy me and my relationship with my fiance because I know how much it hurts to watch this happen to me.

I'm sorry this is so long, my family are worried about me and are afraid I'll do something I might regret. I feel lost and scared and like a failure and I don't know what to do. I've been to therapy twice before (with limited success)and it's been suggested that I go and try it again with a therapist who has experience with people on the autistic spectrum (I have ASD which makes things worse)

I'm desperate of any help or advice to get me through this and recover, Everything feels like a hellish nightmare and I just want it to end!

[vicky23]

Hi,
I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. It's understandable that you've had a set back because moving house is very scary and stressful even if it is a positive thing. I would definitely say that people who suggested giving therapy another go are right. Sometimes therapy very much depends on the therapist so this time you might just find someone who can help you really feel better.
I know it's tempting to think that those we love will not be able to handle our issues but remember that they fell in love with you in the first place and made a commitment to marry you so they are in it for the long haul.
I think your first point of call should be your GP because they can give you access to the help they think will be most beneficial
Best wishes I really hope you start to enjoy the new chapter in your life once the panic passes
X

[KelsBellz]

Thank you! I really do hope so, I visited my GP and she's put me on Buspirone for a month to see how it goes. I really hope I'll feel well enough to get excited about the move, I'm really scared it'll never happen. :(