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Thread: Is 'ok' enough?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    213

    Is 'ok' enough?

    For the last two years my husband and I have been struggling with intimacy... It's only gotten worse over time.
    We can't just be together anymore either, not without me being positioned here and there because as he says, he "needs all the help he can get"

    Then after one time, came the "in certain angles you look pretty". Which confirmed my fears about him requesting I do this or lie here (as the exact same thing happened with another bf) Day to day I don't even put all the lights on anymore, in the hopes I'll look better in dim lighting, I sit and watch Tv virtually in the dark.. I'm uncomfortable around him. And sad.


    I've alays been the one to bring up the fact theres no intimacy. He says it's not me, it's him, and because of that I'm trying my best to leave it be.


    I don't think he's cheating. He isn't flirty (anymore anyway, there was one issue with a woman at work but that was years ago), he doesn't go to bars etc, he's done the usual p*rn, chatting on msn (which shows how long ago that was!) looking at other women etc - to a point that's ok.. But I can't help but feel he notices everyone other than me.. It's kind of embarrassing to get undressed infront of your husband to find he's just staring at the tv or his phone..
    He works with blokey blokes who like to pass comment on 'sexy women'. His boss (whom he works v close with) has a gorgeous girlfriend whom I'm pretty sure is some sort of model, she rides a bike, is outgoing, generally gorgeous in every way(!)..

    Since she came on the scene (and joined their workplace) I've noticed my husband has asked me if I want to do pretty much everything shes done - He doesn't know I know that, I just kept wondering where his random requests were coming from and I peiced her together after he nearly called me by her name whilst chatting in our kitchen..


    He said "you tick most of my boxes" ( looks wise) and "from certain angles you're pretty" He's partly angry at me for not seeing the compliment he says he was giving me.... I feel like I'm falling short rather than complimented.
    He's passed a few comments on my body parts which weren't favourable either.
    All these things are little things I know, but when peiced together it's just left me feeling uncomfortable around him (and in my own skin)


    I know I'm getting older and all the rest of it, after 13 years together I have obviously changed..
    I try to exercise 2-3 times a wk although it barely shows, I've not gained any weight really, but my hair has gone grey (I dye it), it's also thinned (medication/health issues), I use Regaine in the hopes it'll work when nothing else has and I still desperately try to make it look nice.. He says it doesn't matter but it probably does. I've even had lip injections to try and give back a bit of youth (I've not gone mad, ppl don't even notice other than me), but obviously I do look older and I can understand his attraction to me has probably lessened..
    He would say he's bald, over weight, scruffy.. But I don't see him as anything other than really handsome (as I always have)

    I just wonder.. Is this it?? Do any of you feel the same way about your partner, can you look at someone and think they're OK in certain angles(!) not really have any intimacy and still get on/have a future?

  2. #2

    Re: Is 'ok' enough?

    I'm in a similar position here. Me and my wife are intimate very little. I think its just life. You come to a point I think when you just need to (excuse the crude phrase) **** or get off the pot so to speak. Its frightening thinking about starting over especially struggling with a mental illness but do you just sit and suffer? I'm not offering a solution here as I am in the same boat. I guess what I'm trying to say is do what is right for you.

    If he makes you smile more than cry I think you have your answer.

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