Discussing Some Topics

[Rick(amateur)]

Hi everyone! I'm Rick and I've joined this forum somewhat recently. What I have in mind here is to just discuss my thoughts on topics I found related to anxiety. The topics have no specific order as I'm going with a list I simply made on paper. This is very subjective and just meant to share my view. If you have a different take, feel free to post below as I enjoy listening to different perspective.

-Expectations-

We have expectations for ourselves and so does our loved ones. One classic example is our parents having expectations of us going the "safe" route where kids go to school, get a degree and then get the job in that field. I'm sure everyone have heard of the life advice from their relatives and friends regarding their future.

One problem is, by trying to meet the expectation of your parents or other people, you are trying to become the person they want to see in you. You aren't being yourself and, as a result, you sacrificed your own happiness and future. We all had big dreams when we were young. Some of us want to be singers, writers and other profession. Then, our parents tell us that we cannot make a living out of those and be more realistic.

Take me for example. I went to university because I listened to my parents. I believed in their advice about going to school. Now that life is a mess for me, I'm starting to question if I made the right decision. Lots of people probably listened to parents and, when it doesn't work out, they question whether they made a mistake to listen to others. In addition, we also get into a situation where, since this wasn't our passion to start with, we lack the motivation and drive to overcome difficulties.

Life will have ups and downs regardless of what we do. What makes us keep moving forward is a drive or passion that we really want to succeed in a certain thing. When we do things that make other people happy but make ourselves miserable, we basically give up and don't want to do it anymore once failure and tough challenges come around. I've decided that, regardless of what my parents say, I need to pursue a dream I'm passionate about. I will encounter obstacles for sure but, at the very least, I will welcome the challenges as each one gets me closer to my dream.

[LadyPoldark]

After reading this I think I've realised how much high expectations from childhood have affected my anxiety. At cognitive behavioural therapy I was told that I pretty much grew up to be afraid of failure, as such doing new things frightens me, one of the many reasons I cannot drive is my fear of making mistakes. That makes me anxious in itself because I hate it when people ask me 'why I can't drive' and I have to mumble some excuse about not getting around to it...so yes there's another expectation in itself.

[Rick(amateur)]

After reading this I think I've realised how much high expectations from childhood have affected my anxiety. At cognitive behavioural therapy I was told that I pretty much grew up to be afraid of failure, as such doing new things frightens me, one of the many reasons I cannot drive is my fear of making mistakes. That makes me anxious in itself because I hate it when people ask me 'why I can't drive' and I have to mumble some excuse about not getting around to it...so yes there's another expectation in itself.

Thanks for reading!

I'm sure you aren't the only one who had grown up afraid making mistakes. It's the way our schools taught us which is a terrible way to live our lives. I will one day get to this but I have quite a few topics to cover before I get there. I know it's difficult now but you must learn that failure is part of life. They say experience is the best teacher and each mistake is a lesson that gets you closer to success.

---------- Post added at 09:34 ---------- Previous post was at 08:17 ----------

-Expectations 2-

For most of our lives, we're trying to meet the expectations of other people like parents, teachers and employers. I personally felt the need to change my mindset and have my own expectations of myself. Have goals and dreams that I wish to pursue.

If you told me five years ago I should try door to door sales where I knock on doors of complete strangers and talk to them, I'd tell you that you're crazy as I was an introvert. I see this as something impossible and, yet, I managed to do a month of it. I couldn't make a living off of it but I managed to do it consistently for a month and learn a lot from it. If I could do this, what else could I accomplish that was supposedly impossible?

When people say something is impossible, I'm starting to see it as they themselves think it's impossible. As someone with different experiences and skills, you could do what they think is impossible. Before people were sent into space, there are so many people who think such a task is impossible. We have achieved that so the impossible suddenly became possible. In other words, other people's expectations are similar to the expectations they put on you. What they think is impossible is believed to be impossible for you as well.

When you start making your own expectations and make them higher than what other people put theirs at, you will push harder to reach bigger goals. You have belief that you can accomplish what others see as impossible. Sure, it won't be easy as you must work hard and persevere. Look at the athletes who compete in the Olympics. They had untold challenges and difficulties to get to where they are at. What we see is just the result of their hard work and many athletes will likely tell you that competing is the easy part.

You are also the only one who can make expectations for yourself since only you know yourself well. Your own expectations reflect what you're capable of. Other people's expectations are lower and, while you will reach it, you won't ever unlock your full potential. So what if you dream big for something that seems impossible. Sure, no one else had done it. What better accomplishment than being one of the few or the first person to achieve something great. Other people's expectations will make you mediocre. You own expectations will push you higher than what other people can only imagine. Live your own life and stop living what other people want to see in you.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Success-

We must first know how we define success. There's this common image of success related to being in the top 1% bracket. To have financial freedom and basically have more money than you need. This is, however, an image portrayed in our society.

From a young age, we've been told that we want to be successful and not failures. In doing so, we were told that we mustn't make mistakes while we must aim for high but realistic goals. That's why we're told to go to school, get a degree, get a job and then work our way up. Naturally, a lot of people will want to be CEO of a company. Yet, there are only so many CEO position available while there are so many people working below them. In other words, the odds are still against you in these advice given to you by your parents and teachers.

Let's not forget that our own definition of success is different. This is the same with expectations where we must chart our own path instead of trying to follow a norm of our society. I'm not saying you cannot be CEO but it's certainly possible that this isn't the future you see yourself in. Sure, your odds in succeeding anything else is equally low but your passion and drive will get you further than doing something you hate. I cannot emphasize how many people I know who hate their 9-5 job and wished they did something differently.

I believe the saying that money cannot buy you happiness. If getting all that money forces you to do a job you hate or do something you never feel proud of, then would you define it as success? If making money is your only goal, that can be defined as success. Yet, I'm sure a lot of people want more than what money could offer them in life. They want a purpose in life.

Now, what is my definition of success? I just want to make a comfortable living doing what I love and help people at the same time. I don't need to be a millionaire or billionaire, though I do believe that, when success comes my way, those are achievable if I wish for them. Some people might say my standards are too low and I should aim higher. My response is my dream job is different from other people. I don't want a 9-5 job. There are challenges I face along the way and I intend on overcoming them. I feel that, if I achieve my dream, I'd accomplish more than a lot of people could ever hope to accomplish. After all, I decided to listen to myself rather than those around me.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Success 2-

We cannot talk about success without talking about failure. I'm sure many people, like me, don't want to fail in life. Even at school, we were told to not make mistakes and fail. For instance, we have tests where, for each mistake we make, we lost marks. Essentially, we will fail if we make enough mistakes. I feel this isn't a healthy mentality since mistakes and failures are part of life.

We all know that experience is the best teacher. We could read all the books and listen to the wisdom of all the people but these cannot compare to the things we personally experience. When you're afraid to make mistakes as you fear failure, you start going the "safe" route that is often going to school, get a degree and get a job afterward. However, there are no "safe" path since life is filled with ups and downs. Lots of people have been unjustly fired from work and suddenly they're unemployed. This is just an example of what we face in life.

Using me as an example, I'm relieved I experienced failure when I did. I'm still young, single and have more options in life without my options being limited and hands being tied. Imagine if I was married and had children when I lost my job. In this scenario, I have other people relying on me and risks are worse since more people are affected. Likely, I have to find another job I hate to support the family and it simply gets worse. At the moment, I can pursue my dreams and, if things don't work out, I'm the only one affected. I don't even need to worry and have the guilt about harming my loved ones.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. By learning from these mistakes, you'll reach better goals and go further in life. If you are too afraid and try to go "safe" paths, you will learn that you eventually have to pay the price. It might not be too late for regret and change then but you will have a much steeper path ahead of you. You cannot eliminate mistakes and failures in life so accept and embrace them. Use them to get further ahead as opposed to seeing them as the demons that stop you from moving forward. When you can accept mistakes and failures in life, you'll find that life becomes a little easier since you aren't fighting a natural part of life.

[Hollow]

Good posts mate, i agree there is a lot of pressure in life to follow a certain path, get a degree, get a job, get married. Also the added pressure of your parents depending on you. And when things go wrong for example me having to my quit my job, the only good thing in my life, it's hard to come back after that.

[Rick(amateur)]

Good posts mate, i agree there is a lot of pressure in life to follow a certain path, get a degree, get a job, get married. Also the added pressure of your parents depending on you. And when things go wrong for example me having to my quit my job, the only good thing in my life, it's hard to come back after that.

Thanks! We are all faced with a lot of pressure in life regardless of what path we take. I think it's better we take a path we like so we will enjoy the journey and, if things don't go well, we won't be busy blaming others. Once we set out on the path we want to go on, we won't ever want to go back to our old lives.

---------- Post added at 12:33 ---------- Previous post was at 11:25 ----------

-Success 3-

Too often in our lives, we are too focused on the destination. For those in sales, there's a quota we must meet. At school, there's a grade we want to get when we get our report card. Destination is more of a guideline of where we want to go and treating it as more than that will make our life more difficult.

What we should focus on and enjoy is the journey itself. Dreams aren't easy to reach and often require a long journey. If all you focus is the destination, then you'll soon lose hope as the destination seem no closer and you lose motivation to keep going. If you enjoy every moment of the journey through the ups and downs, you will, even in the situation of never reaching the destination, find the journey rewarding and fulfilling which essentially give you a sense of accomplishment.

For most people like me, the start of the journey will be a lonely one. When we pursue our dreams, our family and friends will be opposed to it. They want us to pursue the norms dictated by society. If we stumble during this stage, we need to pick ourselves up and keep going. We have no one to turn to regarding our problems so we must learn to cope ourselves. This is the growth that people experience allowing to succeed later in life.

The great thing about these journeys is that we will meet like-minded people. These are people with similar dreams who understand you and will have your back. They are no different from you, even if they have slightly different destination and different method on how they reach their destination. You needn't put up an act or be someone else where you interact with these people. They are attracted to you because you follow your dreams. Such acceptance is something we all need as we could be true to ourselves as well.

Another benefit of this journey is the small accomplishments along the way. These might not seem like much but, as you accumulate them, you'll feel a real sense of pride in yourself while building up your confidence in your abilities. Meanwhile, you should learn as much as you can on the journey and make friends along the way. This is essentially why I said you must do something you love. That way, you love every moment of the journey and reach the destination before you realize it.

Then, you want more of this so you pick a further destination and are eager for more of the journey. You continue to enjoy this which basically is your life. You can pick a journey you love and enjoy or pick one picked by others and regret every moment of it. There are no short journeys in life nor one without hardships and challenges. We just got to pick which journey we want.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Success 4-

We all know about shortcuts where we are trying to reach a destination and the shortcut allows us to get there quicker. I gave the impression in the last entry that the journey is more important than the destination. We grow, learn and become a better person during our journey.

I like to see success as an accumulation of a lot of smaller successes. We could see these smaller successes as tiny building blocks. As a gamer, I like to use game analogies to get my point across. Let's say we are in a game where we need to collect a lot of coins or building blocks to get an achievement. To gather all of these, we need to explore the entire map. If we don't collect all the items, we won't even get a trophy.

This is true with real life as well. If we take shortcuts, we miss out on opportunities and people, both of which could play a critical role in our success. Once we reach the supposed destination, we discovered that the success we achieved was much less than what we expected. That's only due to us skipping so many experiences in life that could've created more success. By taking shortcuts, we are only fooling ourselves into thinking that there's a quicker way when there is none.

I learned this the hard way with university. I was more or less slacking in first and second year of university resulting in a weak foundation overall. This weak foundation becomes more apparent later in school when I struggle in courses. It didn't have to be like this and, in hindsight, I should've worked harder. I was taking shortcuts where I put less work and I got less result out of it. The world is fair in that aspect. We get as much as we invest in.

We all have 24 hours in a day regardless of where we are at. The only difference is how we use those 24 hours. We can either work hard, give it 120% and push for our dreams or we can wander aimlessly, take whatever shortcuts that may appear and have regrets later in life. I have been in the latter camp and working hard to change myself so I can be in the former camp.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Success 5-

When there are no shortcuts, we must take the entire journey. As a result, we cannot hope to achieve success without investing a lot of time into it. This is obvious with the successful people we see in our society. We only see the outcome of their hard work and the time they invested into it.

One example I like to use is the Olympics. The athletes don't actually compete for very long if you look at what they compete in. Yet, it's the hard work and the time they spent outside of the competition. The endless hours of training and working towards their goals. They had to not only push their own limits but also compete for a spot to represent their country.

Time is really a valuable resource. If you run out of money, you can go earn more of it. Since time only moves forward, the time you use up isn't coming back. I admit that I do procrastinate from time to time and working hard to change all of that. I'm 25 now and those 25 years aren't coming back to me. I have regrets about how I used those time but I'm still relatively young and, if I make use of my time from the present onward, I can make my dream come true.

People tend to forget that everyone have 24 hours in a day. What separates the successful people and those who wander aimlessly in life is how they use their time. Back to the example of the athletes, these people work every single day pushing their limits. People who go to the gym regularly likely won't come close to these athletes since the difference in the time invested is noticeable.

There's a mentality we must have when we have found our purpose. There are people who have all these dreams but they never get started in their pursuit. As a result, each day that's gone is a day lost in getting them closer to the dream. That's why I'm working hard to make better use of this valuable resource. No one can take away my time and proper use of it will get me further.

Use your time wisely! Don't even pray for a time machine since that will cause more problems. Time, along with hard work and perseverance, will get you to the success you always wanted.

[Rick(amateur)]

-Success 6-

Regardless of what we want to achieve, we will always encounter critics who tell us that we cannot do it. Sadly, a lot of the people who critique us are people we care about. Usually, it's our parents who don't approve of our dreams. I personally have this issue where my parents would rather have me attend school to get a degree as opposed to pursuing my dreams.

The thing about success is that is doesn't come easy since there are no shortcuts. During this long journey, we will have moments where we doubt ourselves and wonder if we made the right decision. The truth is the only person who can talk us out of our dreams is ourselves. I believe that, if you are pursuing your dream, you need to get through the highs and lows because you'll later look back at the path you took and say you have no regrets.

The critics tell you that you cannot do it because they don't think they can do it and they lack the confidence in you in doing the seemingly impossible. No one knows you better than yourself but don't let them bother you. They'll always be there and there's nothing more satisfying than silencing your critics by doing what seems impossible. You need confidence and put faith into yourself to make your dream come true and find success in life.

There will be days you don't want to get out of bed. There will also be days when you consider quitting altogether. Critics will be there during the lowest part of our journey. Let's say a person hasn't been doing well with his/her business. The critics will be the loudest at this moment with the "I told you so" mentality. These are the biggest challenges in our lives so we must be determined to weather the storm.

For me, the idea of helping myself and other people are what keeps me going regardless how the situation goes. I want my dream to become a reality and achieve the success that has my name on it. I won't let my critics, including my parents, from stopping me from achieving that. There will come a day where I find success and even my parents will admit that they were wrong about me. I look forward to that day!