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Old 19-09-13, 08:17
worried 101's Avatar
worried 101 worried 101 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 157
Cant deal with this emotional torture anymore

I'm currently sat here in tears sobbing my heart out, feeling like all i want to do is disappear. I cant cope with all these thoughts in my head, ruining my life.
All I want is to go and stop hurting people around me, they try their best to support me and all i can do is cry all the time.I just don't see how this is going to get better.
This anxiety has just finished with me, killing me from the inside.
It is telling me awful things. I have extreme relationship anxiety, telling me I don't love my partner and I shouldn't be with him. I try and fight these stupid thoughts but they are just stronger than me and scare the hell out of me.
My relationship is so important and I just cant do this anymore, I want them gone but they feel so horrible real I almost feel like I'm starting to believe them which is just sending me on an even more downwards spiral.
I feel that everything in my life is such a mess. I wake up every morning and just wish I hadn't.
I feel like even though I have a lot of people around me I don't even know who to talk to, feel like all I do everyday is cause people misery.
Its my partners birthday today and I am seeing him later and with all this anxiety in me I just feel like I am going to explode.
Feel like I would rather have my eyes poked out than keep going through this. Emotional torture is far worse.
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Old 19-09-13, 08:39
jillyb jillyb is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: , , United Kingdom.
Posts: 458
Re: Cant deal with this emotional torture anymore

Take a deep breath and hang on in there. Are you taking any meds? Lots of people on here do, but I am just too scared! What about counselling? I had a fantastic therapist a while back but unfortunately he moved away. If I could see him now I know I would be in a better place. Try not to get too upset about your partners birthday. Explain that you are not feeling too good but that you will make it up to him when you feel better. I was dreadful on my husbands birthday. It coincided with his mother's 90th and we had visit her, which is about 150 miles away. I just couldn't cope with being awa from home and had wave after wave of panic attacks. I ended up sitting in our campervan in the restaurant carpark, eating a sandwich because I couldn't face going in. I was rock bottom and felt very embarrassed, but I have had to accept that I am not well and need to find the resources to dig myself out of this pit. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but Anxiety UK offer therapy which you can even do via webcam or phone if there isn't one near you. Keep strong, I know it's blooming hard! X
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Old 19-09-13, 11:36
worried 101's Avatar
worried 101 worried 101 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 157
Re: Cant deal with this emotional torture anymore

Thanks for the reply.
I am on medication and will be seeing someone once the nurses think I'm more stable. at the moment they want me to try and get my meds right. I just went for a walk in the woods, told my dad who is at home with me I wanted to be alone.
Got down to the woods and stopped for a little while, just looking at the water, then I see my dad coming through the woods, obviously worried what I was going to do. Said that there was no way he was going to leave me by myself in there.
To be honest those thoughts have crossed my mind before, but I'm far to much of a coward to ever go through with anything.
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