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Thread: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

  1. #1

    please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    Hi,

    I'm at the end of my tether and really really could use some advice.

    I am petrified of cancer or other serious illnesses and ultimately death. I can't remember when or even why it all started but gradually over the past 2 years I have become more and more worried about having cancer, I feel as if I am in pain all the time and I am just convinced I have cancer (I suffer chest pains with thundering jumpy heart beat / palpatations and shooting pain in my left arm all the time and also feel convinced I am going to have a heart attack or stroke) I worry about other illnesses as well but I fixate on cancer and have at some point or another diagnosed myself with every cancer you could think of, I have been to the doctors but of course I am told I am fine and that it is anxiety.

    My trouble is this, I just cannot accept this and my fear is now taking over my life it's not an occasional thought anymore it feels like a continuous thought where not a minute passes where I am not thinking about dying. I cry everyday as I am terrified of not being there for my daughters, I make plans of all the things I would need to teach their dad like how to do their hair, and choose their clothes and letters I would need to write to them.

    I am worrying that I have cancer that is spreading and getting worse by the day because no one is taking me seriously and by the time they all realise I was right it will be too late... When I am feeling 'rational' I tell myself this is a phobia but even then, even as I write this I am thinking to myself what if it's not, what if i'm right?

    Its reached the point where I have to change the channel if a cancer related advert comes on the tv, I stop watching a favourite show or movie if the storyline become cancer beased, I've been halfway through books and have to stop reading them if a character develops cancer, I can't bare to even hear the word or hear someone speak of it. I am constantly on google checking symptoms and getting myself worked up into such a state, I feel affraid to be happy, or relax because I don't want to tempt fate, I cant look forward to something like a family holiday or birthday or christmas because I am always convinced I wont live long enough to go...

    I'm not living anymore the anxiety is seeping out into other areas of my life i've lost all my self confidence, I have an extremely low opinion of myself, simple things like cooking a meal now totally overwhelm me, I feel paranoid, useless, ugly and stupid and very depressed I'm convinced my partner is going to cheat on me and leave me because of the way I am, and I am so terrified of being alone ... I don't know what to do I just want to be the old happy go lucky me again and I feel like she is lost forever and I will never stop being like this please can someone help
    steph xxx

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    612

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    Quote Originally Posted by stephb View Post
    Hi,

    I'm at the end of my tether and really really could use some advice.

    I am petrified of cancer or other serious illnesses and ultimately death. I can't remember when or even why it all started but gradually over the past 2 years I have become more and more worried about having cancer, I feel as if I am in pain all the time and I am just convinced I have cancer (I suffer chest pains with thundering jumpy heart beat / palpatations and shooting pain in my left arm all the time and also feel convinced I am going to have a heart attack or stroke) I worry about other illnesses as well but I fixate on cancer and have at some point or another diagnosed myself with every cancer you could think of, I have been to the doctors but of course I am told I am fine and that it is anxiety.

    My trouble is this, I just cannot accept this and my fear is now taking over my life it's not an occasional thought anymore it feels like a continuous thought where not a minute passes where I am not thinking about dying. I cry everyday as I am terrified of not being there for my daughters, I make plans of all the things I would need to teach their dad like how to do there hair, and choose their clothes and letters I would need to write to them.

    I am worrying that I have cancer that is spreading and getting worse by the day because no one is taking me seriously and by the time they all realise I was right it will be too late... When I am feeling 'rational' I tell myself this is a phobia but even then, even as I write this I am thinking to myself what if it's not, what if i'm right?

    Its reached the point where I have to change the channel if a cancer related advert comes on the tv, I stop watching a favourite show or movie if the storyline become cancer beased, I've been halfway through books and have to stop reading them if a character develops cancer, I can't bare to even hear the word or hear someone speak of it. I am constantly on google checking symptoms and getting myself worked up into such a state, I feel affraid to be happy, or relax because I don't want to tempt fate, I cant look forward to something like a family holiday or birthday or christmas because I am always convinced I wont live long enough to go...

    I'm not living anymore the anxiety is seeping out into other areas of my life i've lost all my self confidence, I have an extremely low opinion of myself, simple things like cooking a meal now totally overwhelm me, I feel paranoid, useless, ugly and stupid and very depressed I'm convinced my partner is going to cheat on me and leave me because of the way I am, and I am so terrified of being alone ... I don't know what to do I just want to be the old happy go lucky me again and I feel like she is lost forever and I will never stop being like this please can someone help
    steph xxx
    Hi Steph,

    Two months ago I was at the exact same spot you're now. I was terrified of every cancer in the book and convinced that I have one. Brain cancer, nasal cancer, bone cancer, pancreatic cancer, oesophageal cancer...you name it. But this forum really helped me a lot so welcome here!

    Firstly, there's an free online CBT course available here. The admin of the forum-NoMorePanic is her nickname, posted it, search it and you'll find it. Start doing that as soon as possible.

    One member of this forum also advised me to start counselling with a therapist-I took her advice and did that. I wholeheartedly advise you to do that too. It really helps. I'm still not cured now-it's a long road. But I'm definitely better, and I am doing something about it, and I feel very good when I know I'm fighting the beast instead of letting it consume my mind and body.

    Anxiety is an illness, just like cancer. It should be treated, and the sooner you start, the better. As for cancer, remember-if you had untreated cancer for two years, you'd be six feet under now.

    Come here whenever you want to vent, seek advice or plainly talk about anxiety problems-we're nice friendly folks here
    __________________
    To wear your heart on your sleeve isn't a very good plan; you should wear it inside, where it functions best.

    Margaret Thatcher

  3. #3

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    Hi Steph,

    I too have quite a few fears, paranoia & a general fear of dying!

    I don't know what to tell you, Cancer is scary & very real yes, but I think you need to look at your life more day by day & be grateful for what you have today & what you have achieved in your life (easier said than done I know!)

    Is that you are afraid that you won't have achieved everything you want to do in your life? Why not focus all that energy on something you DO want to do with your life?

    We need to stop being so harsh on ourselves - we can't change the future as we don't know what is to come - noone can know what is waiting for them round the corner, you just have to enjoy the now! It's the unknown that can be scary I know, but think of all the great things in your life!

    You also need to think of the facts as well, remember we live in a society today that is much more aware of Cancer & equipped to deal with it. Regular testing & screening is in place. I know several people who have had cancer & a lot of them are still alive today!

    All you can do is keep yourself healthy, exercise regularly, RELAX! (again easier said than done I know) but seriously get regular massages, do yoga, meditate - these things will help you relax, appreciate the life you do have and even fill your time to forget your worrying! They will also aid your sleep. I think you should also consider seeing a counsellor too, if you are not already, to discuss your fears - it helps to talk through them.

    Good luck!

    xxx

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    313

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    Everything you've said I identify with , it's an awful scared feeling and I wish I could get rid of it ........ Good luck x

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    601

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    Hi Steph,

    You sound like me, I also stop watching things if there is a cancer story line, one of my favorite soaps is home abv away and there was a story line of a young guy called Romeo who ended up finding out he had melonoma from a routine check, and itwas to advanced and it was terminal, since then my melonoma fear has.been worse than ever, I'm sure in a few months times I would have forgot about it anvd moved onto something else, like I always do.

    X

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    24,667

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    I really can't blame you for your fear. Cancer indeed sucks big time. BUT, it's not a death sentence and unless you're engaging in behaviors that are known to give you cancer (smoking for one!), your chances are better to be hit by lightning or in an auto accident than getting cancer.

    Take from a survivor... I know Best to seek therapy, CBT, meds or a combination thereof to get the Dragon under control. Life is much too short to live it worrying about dying.

    Positive thoughts
    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  7. #7

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    This site is amazing, you guys have all given me hope, and just knowing that i'm not the only one who feels like this has helped too, until now it has been such a lonely experience xxx

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    67

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    Hi Steph you wrote that as if you standing in my shoes ! I feel EXACTLY the same way so I do fully understand how it is. Its not nice. I do go through short periods of time when I'm not so bad but 95% of the time I'm suffering with it. Did you find the the CBT article mentioned above? I've not found it yet so maybe someone can post a link to it?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
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    24,667

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    __________________
    "Eat. Drink. Enjoy the work you do. Be thankful for the blessings God gives you in this life. Live, love and seek out the things that bring your heart joy. The rest is meaningless... Like chasing the wind." King Solomon

    The best help is the help you give yourself! http://cbt4panic.org/

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    , , United Kingdom.
    Posts
    67

    Re: please someone help me i'm so terrified of cancer and dying

    Nice one, many thanks

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