This terrible disease!

[Stressed32]

My name is nicole. I am 37, will be 38 next month. My name here, stressed 32, is because I was 32 when this whole nightmare began. I come here from time to time and rarely post. I am more of a lurker. I go through spurts where I come more than others. I just wanted to vent! I HATE THIS FRICKEN DISEASE!

I think my journey started with a real health issue. I had an ectopic pregnancy and found myself away from my husband, so dealt with it alone. From there, a host of real health issues dealing with fertility led me to a distrust in doctors and tests.

Isn't that the perfect recipe for health anxiety? Add in a childhood where I vividly remember my grandmother always being ill, and here I land.

I am 37 and I have...in my mind...have had:

Lung cancer- currently have it a 2nd time now
Pancreatic cancer
liver disease
breast cancer...twice
brain tumor...twice
lymphoma...twice!
vaginal cancer
skin cancer
HIV
heart disease
MS

and sometimes I get multiple diseases at once. Currently, thanks to a pulled muscle in my shoulder, I have lung cancer AND Lymphoma.

I hate this disease. I am so sick of feeling this way. When does it end? I have done CBT and it did help, but the thoughts creep back in. I have changed my diet, again, they creep back in. Is this hormones or am I destined to be this way forever? I feel like it is robbing me of my life and enjoying my children!

[Beckie4567]

I totally agree with u it takes over your life and I too don't wana look back and think God I was miserable with my kids :( it's heartbreacking I am about to download cbt was it any good im hoping it helps I feel for u and totally see where your coming from praps u can be referred to talk to someone instead of cbt isn't helping u at all

[Pigeon]

Hi Nicole
I was just about to post, saying more or less the same as you have. I'm older than you, in my late 50s but our stories are similar. My HA started at 30 when my ex husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour (benign fortunately but it was a big ordeal for us and quite a shock).

It didn't get really bad until much later though and for the past 6 years or so I have got much worse. I have had counselling, CBT, tried mindfulness and been prescribed anti-depressants and these worked to a certain extent - but like you said, the doubts and feelings still creep in . The treatment of my HA has worked in that although I get physical symptoms more often (more or less constantly), I don't worry for as long and hard as I used to and I can be reassured after a visit to Gp.

My theory is that I am a naturally anxious person by nature and hormones play a part too. My worsening mental state coincided with the onset of the dreaded menopause. I have more or less come to accept that I have to learn to live with HA and use the coping strategies I have learned to 'turn the volume down' - as my counsellor advised.

So I come on here for a little reassurance, take an occasional Valium, distract myself by keeping busy, eat more healthily, do a bit of excercise and talk to people who understand and love me. And I remember the advice I got from someone once - everything passes and so will the anxiety about the latest cancer, heart scare etc.(By the way, I have a pulled back muscle at the moment which has turned into pancreatic cancer - which I've had several times)

So I suppose I'm saying that, yes, I agree that's it's a terible disease, but in itself, it's not life threatening. We can support each other and get through it together, can't we?

I hope this helps in some way - and here's a hug to be going on with x

[lyndau63]

Oh I do know just what you mean but you are not alone and I endorse everything Pigeon and Beckie have said.

[Stressed32]

Thank you so very much for your replies. I am so grateful to be among people who understand, though I hate knowing that anyone is feeling this way and wouldn't wish it upon someone I hate!

[JustJoe25]

Hey I have a fear of liver disease and pancreatic cancer as well! I also just recently started fearing lung cancer despite never smoking, I do have a family history of smoking though and my worry has been that I have another cancer that has spread to my lungs. What makes you say liver disease or pancreatic cancer? Those two in terrified of and my liver disease fear comes mostly from having spider veins. I do not have a history of alcohol abuse.

[Beckie4567]

If uve had blood tests and all were normal then u don't have anything wrong.

[Fishmanpa]

Not to take the post off track but...

From Today... 7-6

I am about to download cbt

From last week... 6-29

Have you downloaded the courses?

I'm doing it now

Guess I'm confused...


Nicole... CBT helped you but it's something you have to continue to work on every day to keep your dragon slaying skills honed. It's akin to going to the gym. Once you stop, you lose the progress you've made and can fall back into old habits. I suggest you re-visit it and put some of those techniques back into practice.

Positive thoughts
__________________