feeling down and alone

[Carolin]

2016 and everyone seems so positive.

I am trying hard to get through each hour, so thinking about a whole new year is tough.

I have a family gathering this afternoon which I am dreading. I have some emergency diazapam , but am more scared of crying. Hearing Happy New Year everywhere is making me very tearful. How stupid is that ?

[emily67]

2016 and everyone seems so positive.

I am trying hard to get through each hour, so thinking about a whole new year is tough.

I have a family gathering this afternoon which I am dreading. I have some emergency diazapam , but am more scared of crying. Hearing Happy New Year everywhere is making me very tearful. How stupid is that ?

hey

hope today is okay for you- the gathering and all

yes.. thinking about a whole new year is difficult!. all this happy new year crap is starting to annoy the hell out of me.

what's happy about it?

my year started with 0 sleep and a really depressing morning (so just a regular 2015 day)

so i don't get what's so special about 2016, i don't

[Carolin]

Sorry you are suffering too Emily.

I've taken the diazipam. I could feel the panic rising. Now I feel like a failure for resorting to yet another medication. I wanted to deal with it, but started to feel sick and clammy and knew where that was leading.

I have just told my husband how worried I feel about this afternoon. He has no idea. How can you feel worried about seeing your own family was his response. Its the socialising I cant deal with, not the people themselves !!

[Lan69]

Don't feel like a failure for taking a diazapam
I've just resorted to having to take one too. Last time I took one was in September when I got out of hospital. I kept what was left for emergencies and have decided tonight I need to take one just to take the edge off and have a bit respite. So I'm now trying to relax having a cup of tea ( was told in hospital helps it "kick in") and hoping my constant chatter slows down and the lead weight I've had in my stomach for days will ease off
I hope your feeling more relaxed now carolin

[Carolin]

Thank you for reassuring me. I didn't know that about the tea.

It helped keep me calm, but I felt so out of place. Like I wasn't really there .It feels like the world is going on around me, and I don't fit in any more.

I got in the car to go home, and the tears were rolling down my face. Thank goodness it was dark, so my family didn't see. I am getting very good at the silent tears

I'm sorry you are suffering so badly too. I know what you mean about the lead feeling. It's a feeling of doom,but no reason for it. I think this time of year really doesn't help ,when everyone around you seems to be happy and getting on with life.

This site, and the supportive people on here helping me, is keeping me going. I feel so embarrassed saying that an online forum is my lifeline, but that is what it feels like.

Thank you xx

[MissyMischief]

I'm sick of all the Happy New Year stuff, too. This time of year is rough. It's dark, cold, damp....in the US we have Thanksgiving, the first stressful holiday followed shortly by Christmas and then New Years....then for me personally, I have my Mom's Birthday tomorrow, then my own Birthday later this month....it's just too many damn holidays slammed together. It really sucks when you're struggling with anxiety and depression and don't need the added stress or guilt for not wanting to participate. I do sometimes wish that I could just crawl into a hole and hibernate through these months.

Good luck to you both!

[Carolin]

Genoire sending you

Don't have any answers, but I would gladly join you in the hole

[pulisa]

If it's any consolation, Carolin, I always feel out of place too. My situation is so different from any of my other family members. Sometimes it's best to go on auto pilot and not think too much.

The extended holiday is nearly over. My daughter has been severely depressed and anxious today. Her favourite shop was closed and it's not allowed to be. Her despair and need to carry on with routine was very difficult to manage. She hates and dreads New Year too. Everyone on social media is apparently living it up and she feels very inferior.

Genoire, I do hope you have a good birthday! You are such a kind and generous person and deserve to have a special day!

---------- Post added at 20:05 ---------- Previous post was at 20:04 ----------

Sorry-yours is at the end of the month. I hope all goes well for your Mum tomorrow

[Carolin]

Pulisa , you have had a difficult day.

I'm sorry your daughter has struggled. It must really impact on you dealing with such complex problems.
We have a similar problem with TV programmes. My son has no concept of bank holidays. It's Friday and his programme should be on ! For some reason he thinks it is my fault, and I should be able to put it right.
Tomorrow is another day . xx

[MissyMischief]

Hi Carolin and Pulisa,

I'm just feeling a bit down today, but I will chalk it up to the holidays and my brain still adapting to a new medication. I just want to be able to be in a good mood on my mom's birthday...she has been so supportive and kind to me over the last few months.

Pulisa--thank you for the Birthday wishes! My 30th BDay is on the 22nd. I can't say I'm really looking forward to it, but who knows, maybe I will be feeling tip top by then. Might as well be optimistic, lol.

I just wanted to chime in and say that social media can be a real downer. It's too easy to paint a falsely perfect picture of your life on there. I do check Facebook, but sometimes I just turn it off for a few days, because I can't stand looking at all the happy baby/house/new car/vacation photos that people post. It's just too easy to compare lives and feel like I'm on the bad end of the stick.

Well, hugs to you both!