New Start

[happyone]

Morning!

I still feel a bit wary about taking these new meds. I'm wondering what I've got myself into now.

you have 'got yourself' into a new drug regime that will hopefully help you mate!

Happyone
xxx

[Jimbo]

Having mulled over everything that was said yesterday some things are playing on my mind now. The fact that he wants to take the control of my meds away from me and change to depot injections makes me feel a bit ashamed. He's tried to persuade me to do this for the last 3 appointments.

I kind of understand why he wants to do that, because I am at risk with lots of tablets lying around. But I feel a bit mixed up about it. I don't like the idea of the control being taken away, being stuck with needles every fortnight, but I also agree with what he's saying about keeping me safe.

I'm slowly reducing the meds I'm on now over this week and I'll see the doc next wed and start on this new one. Which I'm also a bit anxious about how I'll feel over this week.

Got nothing much to do today, so I'll have to find something to keep me busy.

Another thing that's got me a bit upset is that my mum phoned me last night and is saying that she really wants me to come down for a do that she's having with her film company tomorrow. She was saying that I must come down and I was saying I didn't think I could because I would get so anxious with the crowds and unfamiliar people. But I feel so guilty for saying no. I guess that's the BPD talking again.

Jim

[happyone]

Jim

but I also agree with what he's saying about keeping me safe.

Hold on to that thought hun.

Got nothing much to do today, so I'll have to find something to keep me busy.

wot about your painting? Just cos I want to see it!

Happyone
xx

[Jimbo]

I feel really dodgy. I fell asleep for a few hours and woke up feeling really sick. I keep feeling hot and cold and my normally dry nose is running.

I will start my painting sometime, the board is just staring at me blank at the moment waiting for paint but I don't feel like painting right now.

Jim

[Karen]

Hi Jim

It's losing the control also do you think Jim too? I find that with my eating disorder. When everything else is taken away it is the one control I have left.

But you want to be safe too mate and this could help you be safe

Karen xx

[Jimbo]

I'm not sure, it just makes me feel sad and ashamed for some reason.

The main thing is needles. I don't like needles and hospitals which is why I don't like the idea of Lithium and the weekly blood tests. Although they would do the depot thing at the doctors, I don't fancy the idea of being jabbed every couple of weeks.

I guess the control thing is important too, I have the tablets there and I know in the back of my mind that it is a way out if I were to take them. Also if I decided I didn't want to take them, there would be no way if I was injected.

I think you are right, I don't like the idea of any control being taken away from me. But obviously I realise that OD'ing or stopping my meds is a bad thing so it might be a good idea.

My mind just goes in circles when I think about it.

I guess I don't have to worry for now as I didn't agree to it.

Jim

[happyone]

Jim,
when I was first taken off chlopromazine, I felt sad that I didn't have any OD pills left. My counselor was very scathing of this and said 'if you wanted to you would find a way' ....true true...but my idea wasthem.
Every pill I have been given has been 'safe' since then and it makes me wonder if that is why he didn't want to go down the lithium road, even tho he suggestd it a week or so ago
I am safer now than I was. It would be good if you were too hun. I understand the shame. I feel like that every time I get a new pill and he tells me they are 'safe' and I look them up on the net....and they are
Happyone
xx

[Jimbo]

I'm having a real bad time today coming off thses tablets, I'm not sure if I can cope. My head is totally spinning with thoughts and I feel cold yet I'm sweating. I've been crying for the first time in ages, full on tears and I don't know why.

If this is only day 1 and half the dose I dread to think what the next week is gonna be like.

I just want to go to sleep or something, the only way I've got through the last few hours is by drinking countless cups of decaff tea and chain smoking.

Jim

[happyone]

Jim I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Did he warn you this might be the case? Could it be something else...unlikely with the thougnts tho...what ones are you stopping?
Happyone
xx

[Jimbo]

He didn't tell me anything, just to stop taking them. It's the Trazodone that I'm sposed to stop. I was on 100 and I only took 50 yesterday. Also I'm sposed to reduce from 500 to 300mgs of quetiapine which I did so I think it might be that.

I was totally flipping out earlier, I felt like I was on a bad trip or something. I had flashing lights in my eyes and kept thinking I could see something out of the corner of my eye but nothing was there. I became convinced I had mercury poisoning and thought I was going to die. Luckily I phoned my mum instead of an ambulance and she managed to talk some sense to me and told me to take my night meds early. I'm feeling better now I have.

I'm not sure what to do. Should I keep taking them or stop and hope I feel better in a couple of days?

Jim