im the girlfriend please help me !

[shaznay]

Just came across this wonderful sight and feel like an intruder ! im the partner of a panic attack sufferer and struggling a little would like advice as to what i can say or do or not say. He wont have a look at any information i get for him as he says it will make him worse he wouldnt look at this site either. Hes just had one and i try and reassure him but as any one got any good tips for me? thanks in advance

[Bill]

Hi there,

Firstly if he can't stop the panics himself and can't say what causes them, you need to encourage him to see his doctor. Offer to go with him for support.

It depends how badly they affect him but he doesn't need to think he'll have to take medication. The doctor may refer him to a psychologist or therapist which may sound drastic but they will help to find out what's causing the problems and show him ways to cope.

If you can, sit with him and talk to him. Try to find out why he panics, if he knows himself. Sometimes people can't identify the causes even themselves but depending on where and when they happen, you could help him yourself to overcome them by gradually helping to expose him to his fears to show he has nothing to fear from panic symptoms. It very much depends on how bad he feels.

Find out as much as you can from him and then you'll be able to find out the best course of action.

[Joe1981]

I drive my girlfriend nuts too, I love her to death.. Anyone who can put up with me and still love me back is someone special!

[shaznay]

thanks for your comments i should have said he has been to the doctor he said he fears hes going to die and he'll say he has pains and hold his head and then say i dont think i am having a panic attack it feels different. The doctor prescribed some xefor but hes putting off taking them he says he feels a bit depressed as well. Its put a bit of financial strain on us but hes starting a new job tomm but i think he won't last and im worried then i feel selfish. He was never like this before he used to drink quite a lot but thats stopped in the last 6 months. He doesnt go out much now and admitted the other day he doesn't like being in the house on his own he was never really ill before so all these aches and pains are new as well have you got any tips of what he can do when they come on or what i can do/say?

[woodnights]

hi shaz, i found the following very helpful and this came from a very very good psychiatrist who i see privatley.

you have to really get him to stop asking you for reasurance and you have to stop reassuring him. he really needs to educate himself on this and understand what is happening.

reasurance only fuels things and eventually the person seeking reasurance from the assurer doesnt believe them which fuels thinfs even more.

[shaznay]

hi woodnights

thanks for that so for instance im in the same room and i can see his breathing starting (which is how i knowits starting he rarely tells me) should i just carry on doing what im doing or sit and cuddle him its hard what do you think?

[woodnights]

thats kinna different. the reassurance thing is more for health issues, i use to always ask ny partner things like, are you sure im ok, do you ever expewrience this. are you sure im ok etc etc etc, i use to always go to docs for reassurance, that the kinna stuff i had to try really really hard to stop.

when you say his breathing starting what do you mean. like a full blown panick attack?

i always concentrate on my breathing and think im breathing wrong this can also lead to an attack

[shaznay]

oh right i'll explain a little more no he doesnt ask for reassurance but perhaps i try and give it anyway and you can tell he doesnt listen to me he even said the other day that he thought he may die and just before he did say i told ya !! which i thought was comical and couldnt help but laugh which he did too so it seemed to soften the actually meaning of it. How i will know perhaps im sitting on the computer and will hear him taking deep breathes and then he starts pacing the room and it happened last night he said that he has them and doesnt even tell me but perhaps they arent as bad as the one he had last night because that was one of the worse before this he was going to the casualty dept at least once a week always on an evening i went with him a few times but then started not to go because i thought that i might be encouraging him as he wasnt going for the actual attacks but for them to moniter his heart etc hes only mid twenties and everything come back negative

[bottleblond]

Hi Shaznay,

Alot of us ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACK suffers are the same in the sense that if we read information regarding our illness and come accross something that we haven't had then we will then add to our anxiety by worrying we are going to get these symptoms on top of the ones we already have. (Health Anxiety).

Try to explain to your BF that most of us are the same here and we would be more than willing to chat to him and help him in any way we
can.

Also tell him. This CAN be cured, he CAN get better and by talking to fellow sufferers and having a clearer understanding on the whole thing could be the fist step to his recovery.

Best of luck hun.

Love Lisa
xxxxxxxx

[WDWFan]

Hi Shaz
My advice is just be there for him, don't ignore him but just let him know youre there with him, if he wants to hold youre hand or hug you then let him, but he does have to do his research on this and help his self, a good start would be to look at this website! it has really helped me, just knowing that you are not alone getting all these terrifying symptoms does help, tell him my panic attacks come out of the blue when you think you are ok! and i sometimes wake up with them, there will be some reason why he is getting them, mine was brought on by a lot of stress in my life.
Take care
Gary