I'mstruggling guys
I can't get out of bed as I'm so exhausted each morning.
Just now I had an appraisal with my boss and it was very laid back but the minute I got in there I felt like I was moving. Then I got sudden feelings of immense pressure on the top of my head and whole body. Like I was being pushed down into the ground by a huge weight. I still have it and keep feeling like my heart suddenly stops and I feel like I'm blacking out (and that's sitting down). I went red hot and notice my chest and face were a flushed when I came out.
Now I know common sense says this is anxiety. We were talking about my career and how I can expand my prospects. Iasked to increase my hours to full time this week (still having fridays off) Then moved onto a general discussion about how I was. How ridiculous, I was sitting there saying I was dealing with thing better when I felt like I was dying on the spot. I could hardly hold a conversation. Then we got onto wedding plans and I just wanted to get out of there.
I know the symptoms sound like ones of anxiety but they don't feel like the usual ones. I know that makes no sense but it's just I can't find the words to describe them in any other way.
Now, nearly 45 minutes later, I still feel much the same my head is really painful all over and my body still has the pressure feeling and like I'm fading out, every so often and I'm so bad
The attacks have been getting worse and worse, last week, I had several whilst out shopping with my mum for wedding stuff, one in Tesco on Sat and another one in the evening as I got ready to go out. They are ones that I can't control at all. How can you do positive self talk when you're talking to someone else? And when I do it nothing seems to help. Also they come on when I'm just at home doing nothing, so it's not always places that trigger them. And I'd gotten over being worried about going anywhere.
I know realistically with the wedding coming up I must be stressed but I'm getting the what ifs, I am ill, as it's so bad and different to the feelings I used to get.
Sometimes I just wish I could put someone else in my body for a few minutes, just so they know how I feel. If I can't control them then how will I stop myself feeling like this on my wedding day or any other day come to that matter.
I feel like a broken record but I just need telling that all these symptoms aren't those of something terrible. I'm having a totally irrational moment, where it's all just too much.
Jules