Please read this everyone.

[Horse]

Hi.

Sometimes I get so down I think 'what's the point'?
Is this what life is all about....suffering?

And then, I'm reminded of a story I read about a man who complained of bad fitting shoes........until he saw a man with no feet!!

A person who complained of having to wear glasses.......until they saw a person who was blind!!

A mother who complained of her sons music.....until she met a mother who was deaf!!

And so on and so on.

I sometimes hate to walk anywhere.....tell that to someone who is in a wheelchair.

I sometimes throw away food that I don't eat......tell that to someone who is starving.

I hate having to pay my mortgage.......tell that to someone who is homeless.

The list can be endless.

The fact is, I am very lucky. I can see, hear, talk, walk and of course....complain.

Some years ago, on a cold, dark, wet and miserable day, I walked down to the river nearby where I was working. There was no one around, just me and a few ducks. My wife had recently left me and my life was nothing without her. I really didn't want to carry on. I had no interest in meeting anyone. Going home at the end of the day was nothing to look forward to anymore, no one to talk to when I got in, no one to cook for etc etc. So, what was the point of enduring emotional torture everyday? Therefore, I looked at the murky, grey water, and thought all it would take was just a step forward and it would all be over. No more pain, no more upset, no more heart break. After all, I had heard that when you drown, your past life flashes before you and something I wanted more than anything right now was my past!

All I can say is one thing stopped me. I didn't think about it or why it was stopping me, it just stopped me as though it was holding me back.
And the thing that stopped me was..............................................
I COULDN'T SWIM!!!!!!

Think about it!!

Although our anxiety is hell and the symptoms are so so unbearable, something inside us makes us carry on. And that's exactly what we do day after day after day. One of the reasons we are here is to live our lives as best we can and to the best we know how. We all make mistakes and errors of judgement, after all we are human. Something stopped me from jumping in the river, maybe it was God, I don't know. But something said carry on.

I hope some of you can get comfort or relate to this. Please feel free to comment my friends and take care.

Kevin.

[sheba2]

Thank goodness something stopped yu on that day. But how sad that for all those who do jump or whatever their choice is they can't think of any reason not to take that final step.

I have no experience personally of this and life has been really difficult for me. I am very aware that there are loads of people worse off but I think for those who do end it all those thoughts for others are way beyond their reach.

[Coni]

Kevin, thank you for that post.

luv Coni XX

[Nibbles]

What a moving post. Thank you for sharing and I'm glad you came through it.

Take care,

Mike

[Horse]

Thank you all for your comments.

Sheba2.
Yes, I know what you mean. For some the end seems inevitable unfortunately.
Like I said, I was and am lucky. During our life, we see and hear of and sometimes have to experience dreadful things. I don't read newspapers anymore or watch the news as it is so depressing. That's why we should maybe just take each day as it comes, not knowing what it may bring.

Kevin.

[Franz]

Horse,

I often think about suicide, by which I mean I imagine being in the position where I'm just about to turn the key in the ignition, or draw the knife across my wrist, or whatever. I find it hard to imagine being able to go ahead with it. Partly of the reason is the pain involved in most suicide methods, I must admit. But... I dunno, I suppose committing suicide seems like giving in the the thing that's tormenting me, and there's part of me that's too egotistical to accept that :\

Francis

[Franz]

Horse,

Totally agree about not watching/reading the news, although I often lapse.

I told a psychiatrist that I'm very worried about global warming and the oil crisis, and he said there was no real way I could avoid hearing about them because they're in the news all the time. He implied I should face these things full on. But that's rubbish - just because you know something bad is going to happen, that doesn't mean you should dwell on it. I don't watch the weather forecast either - I know climate change is happening, but keeping open the *possibility* that tomorrow may be a normal temperature for the time of year is kind of helpful!

[groovygranny]

Thank you Kevin, for such a poignant and inspirational post.

And yes, I can relate to your story.

Ironically, in a sense my life only just began when I became poorly and started recovery - and now every day to me is a gift to be used fully, wisely and appreciatively.

Thank you once again.

[debera]

thank you for the post kevin. it made me really think.
love debera

[kellie]

kevin thank you so much for that brilliant post . you are going to be a great help to a lot of ppl here. it made me stopp and think about how much worse things could be.
thank you.kellie xxxxxxxxxxx