What I Learned from my Panic Attacks

[gofishing]

I got my first panic attack in Oct 2006. I got chocked up in a restaurant, then one month later at home while eating supper. I think you all understand the symtoms and the fear and the darkness you feel inside, so I don't want to describe the details.

I realized at that moment the real existence of soul, and the significance of light and darkness. With the help of a friend of mine, I started to read Bible and "The Purpose driven life" by Rick Warren. My friend helped me to understand Bible, because I really couldn't understand it, and had been really arrogant. But, suddenly I realized what Jesus talks in Bible has so signifcant meaning to this life. I cried every night from fear (fear for being choked up, fear for darkness, fear for being alone....probably or ultimately fear for death. My baby was just born at that time, and I didn't want to die.) I decided to accept Jesus for my Savior and for my Lord. I sarted to attend several churchs...worshiping always made me cry. (I don't know why. But still I cry frequently while worshiping.)

I took 2 kinds of medicine (I resisted about 2 weeks, but had to take them because I wanted to die rather living like that.) I took antidepreesant for 6 months, and decided to stop...because the medication seems not help me much. I slowly crawled out of the darkness...the mother of my son filed divorce May 2007. But, somehow I got strength to crawl out of the darkness through solely prayer and asking God's Grace.

I didn't have any more severe panic attack like the first time I had over the time. But, I had to fight some axiety, like cleptophobia, height phobia, which I had never had before the panic attack. Visitation to my son (I lost custody, the mother moved to Hawaii) on the airplane gave me the axious feeling every time, but I couldn't run away. I only prayed and read Bible...somehow everytime God helped to cope with this horrible feeling.

I still have some physical symptoms, like excessive phlegm, swallowing difficulty and severe allergy was developed since last year. I was a thin person, but lost 15 lbs further. But, my spritual state is just fine because now I pray every day and whenever I feel weak. Prayer and Trust in God really help INNER PEACE IN YOUR MIND!

I never appreciated the peace of mind before I experienced this panic attack. But, now I understand why Jesus talks so frequently about PEACE and LOVE.

I still think that panic disorder or axiety is probably related to some unknown physical illiness. Of course, Cancer and heart attacks cause panic disorder and axiety too. But, if you trust in God and his plan and even Heaven, you can get peace in your mind. Then, you can deal with your physical illness without (or less) fear. FEAR itself kills people. Fear and Anger kill yourselves (you see I had to deal with tremendous anger too, against the mother of my son). People with cancer almost die from FEAR.

So, if you realize that you can't cope this fear by yourself, surrender to Jesus and accept your limitation. He will carry away your worry and fear for you.

[stm93]

I'm sorry but Jesus won't help you with panic attacks. I saw those excellent ads in London the other day - 'There is probabaly no god, so relax and start living your life' or something similar. I understand the temptation to explain unexplainable things by introducing god into equation though. However this is not for me. I'd rather suffer another panic attack, than cloud my mind with false hope.

[Blot]

I have been a christian for many years, I KNOW that when I feel alone, I can talk to God, write in my journal. God may not take the problem away, but for me He is with me when I experience it. It does not stop me from feeling anxious & terribly frightened when I am in the throes of a PA. For me, God is not a crutch, but a way of living my life.

[LACEYA1961]

Hi there

Thank you for posting your testimonial, it was very uplifting. Unfortunately, as you'll see from the first reply below, there will be people that will scoff at the thought of the existance of God. That's okay because if your post about your faith in Jesus reaches just ONE person in this nightmare we all live in then it's worth it. I find peace every single day from Jesus and I believe that one day I'll be healed of all of this. When, I don't know, but I know it's going to happen. God promised us that whatever we ask him in the name of Jesus it shall be done. Maybe not on our time or when we think it should happen, but it will in His perfect timing. Could even be in the next life, who knows. That's just faith.

I know people have to die from something eventually, whether through and accident or illness, but I remember a pastor telling me that I won't die until God is done with me. That's comforting to me. I also know that God gave us common sense and we have to be responsible for our bodies and what we do to them. For me, I have a real struggle with smoking...that's not God's fault it's mine. So, if I get lung cancer who's fault is it? We all have to face the consequences of our actions...doesn't mean God isn't there for us when we need Him though. I have a fear of death so I started praying that when it's my time to go that God will take me gently. Sorry if I'm babbling...I'm having a weird day today from anxiety lol

Anyways, I usually don't discuss God on a public forum because it causes so much discord among believers and non believers but I will if God directs me to. Better to obey God than man.

God Bless xoxoxox

Lacey

[gofishing]

I didn't post to persuade my belief. Everyone is different for some reason.

But, there is healing related to the belief, believe or not. But, I don't ask miraculous cure from God, the miracle is not the reason I believe in God. It helps me to keep going even in the darkness with less fear. I just realized suffering and death is inevitavle in this life...but I get the strength to keep going though the belief. Again, everyone is different...even this, I don't understand, but I don't try to understand with my own brain.

[gofishing]

LACEYA1961, Thanks for the reply.

I don't mind people like the one replied first. I was the same kind of person just 2 yrs ago.

For me, i think i get most comfort from believing in the next life in heaven with the host of it, with my family whom I couldn't spend time with in this life. Before I got to know Jesus, I thought "every creature die, so what makes the death of mine special? Human being is not special, so No big deal for me to die". But, since I realized the existence of my soul which will live forever, through this experience of darkness, I feel really thankful making me to accept God in my heart.

By the way, for me, praying early in the morning everyday and listening christian worship songs really have helped. Let's keep praying, Jesus will guide you continuously. (One Japanese doctor says that getting up in the early morning --and excercsing or strolling etc-- is very good for fighting depression)

[Veronica H]

Hi gofishing

You found God at a very vulnerable time in your life and I am very pleased that God came through for you. I keep an open mind on these matters. I know that this site has been invaluable to me in my recovery, as have the works of Dr Claire Weekes (available from the NMP shop). We should not underestimate our capacity to help each other of course and religion and self help can, and do, go hand in hand for many members here. Peace and love to you too.

Veronica

[stm93]

that is exactly why the world is so f***ed up - gods, religions, fairies and ignorance. If 'jesus' makes you happy, that's cool, but it takes strength to stare into the abyss, which this life (or rather end of it) is. Nothingness. Pure and simple. Live now, while it's not too late. Sorry all 'god' and 'jesus' fans, I'm in a bad mood today, lol

[gofishing]

Hey stm93,

I read some of your posts. I guess you're going through now the most difficult periods recalling to mine. For me, the first year was really hard, first the series of panick attacks, then dealing with divorce and losing my son later. Especially the first 3 months or so was constant nightmare...My most fear was, at that time, the one that I'll be crazy, (didn't figure really the fear of death around that time, although I felt the fear of my death was related to my son.). I even imagined, for a test to myself, that something not real (something like my real parents are not mine or my son is not really mine) was true, then, that something unreal started to become real in my mind. I was so scary at that point...because i thought i was crazy.

I had all the pains you describe now. Sunset was something I could't bear. I literally trembled when the darkess started everyday. I stoppted watching all TV shows and movies; people started to look like ghosts on screen. (I really don't want to recall the memories, or remind to any of you.)

I read Rick Warren's book every day one chapter per day (40 chapters). Since I couldn't understand Bible, his book helped me as a step stone. By the way, Bible really helped me to sleep. It was like sleeping pills, when I started to read Bible, I would go to sleep within 30 mins....that's funny how Bible helped me to sleep without nghtmares and sweats. (I sufferred with severe sweats in my lower body too.)

You really need patience to fight with this panic disorder, and positive thinking and attitudes. Keep excercising and meet real people who are nice to you. You need to get help from someone nearby who understand your situation now. Ask help to someone who can deal with you without being scared or stressed by your situation! don't act like you are fine. And if you can, try to attend a church...you never know what will happen. Psychiatrists or therapists can be helpful too, but with my experience, Jesus is the best counseler on this topic. (Later, i found that Psalm 23 is really comforting, probably to many christians too, in case.)

I hope this helps a little.

[dmckinney]

It was God that send me to this forum. My testimony is extremely similar to yours 2 months ago I experienced severe PAs. I was having PAs 3-4 times a day already thin losing weigh going from 105 to 80 lbs. I couldn't leave the house have several test ran "Just didnt understand or know what was wrong" I took leave of absence from working staying off for 1 month then one day I was laying down on the sofa and the holy spirit came across as I was watching church on TBN and while watching TV the holy spirit told me to get my bible and began reading psalms. I began reading some scriptures in the chapter but it was so deep and interesting that I knew that I had to start from the beginning reading until the end to get a true understand of my state of mind and where I was at that moment (desperate for help). Since then I have not had a full blown PA. In the past I cannot began to tell you the last time I picked up a bible but since that day I have been reading my bible, going to church, and praying that God continue to lead me in the right direction and keep me amongst positive people and remove the sickeness from my body that Satan tried to instill in me. So what did God show me? Still watching TV everything began to unfold to help me understand the bible. On the History channel they covered the 7 Deadly Sins and how fear is a sin, all it is, is Satan trying to destroy you and have you constantly live in fear. Since then God has continue to bless me and lead me amongt godly people to where my faith in God will remain active. I know that since then I have also come across individuals that do not believe in God however everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I know what the Lord has done for me. I have not been on any blood pressure medicine and I am only taking 1/2 of Xanax when needed which is 1/2 of pill (lowest mg) once or twice a week.

Thanks so much for sharing your testimony and please continue to share and encourage others. God and my support family is what help me. Me talking and sharing with others of what I have gone through makes me stronger. I can now say that I do not regret that 1 1/2 month bc through one of the most difficult moments made me stronger.

Love you and God Bless you.