Hi,
I am writing to ask for some support and to hopefully maybe help others with my experiences. I have just found the site and found myself nearly in tears when I read the article about Health Anxiety by Meg. It seemed to fit me so well, the personality type profile, the behaviours, even bits such as my Boyfriend recently banning Take a Break from my sight for fear of me reading its depressing "true life" medical heartache stories and getting more anxious.
Thanks for such inspiring material, it makes a whole heap of difference to know there are others the same as me and I'm looking forward to getting responses from others (that's if they don't fall asleep with the amount I am writing....sorry...it's just all pouring out!....)
My name's Rachael and I'm 25 years old. I've been worrying about my health since 5th July (I can even remember the date I first felt dizzy!) and the constant worry has taken over my life.
I started feeling quite dizzy after having some new glasses - I took them back and they said they were fine so I started to think it could be a neurological problem. I didn't tell anyone what I was thinking at the time so it started to escalate into an obsession and one day when I noticed one of the ridges on my head whilst shampooing my hair I had a full blown panic attack, a feeling like I wanted to escape, couldn't cope and couldn't calm myself down. I was convinced I had a brain tumour.
My older brother saw what a state I was in (I was in hysterics by this time feeling my head) and he was really kind, but explained that everyone has lumps on their heads. He showed me that I had the same ridge, but smaller, on the other side and made me touch my head to prove to me that it was just bone so nothing to worry about. When he mentioned that brain tumours don't emerge on the outside because of your skull, it made me feel better (in calmer terms) for a few minutes, but ever since then the thought of dying, having a brain tumour, and often other serious illness has never left my mind.
I live with my Mum and Dad who have been very supportive, but I find that I am constantly asking them for reassurance, e.g., "I would have headaches if I had a brain tumour wouldn't I?" etc. I have never had headaches and I do not have any now and the more people tell me that you wouldn't necessarily get headaches if you did have a brain tumour, the more I panic again.
I have a nice job and have a lot of good friends there. However, I ended up taking 4 weeks off work as I couldn't cope being around "normal" people who didn't understand what I was going through. During the worst of my panic I stopped eating as I thought my co-ordination felt funny when I was using my knife and fork,I couldn't even face putting my make-up on (you have to understand, I love make-up, doing my nails and looking nice has been the fun part of my life!! LOL !) Even now I am avoiding things like showers as much as possible as I often get a sinking/light headed sensation when I am in there. I feel as though nothing matters anymore, I have been saving to move out and have saved a lot of money, but I don't care anymore - I'd give it away in a second if someone could make me feel better.
At first, I went to my Doctor in tears and told him I thought I had a brain tumour. He was very kind and sat with me for nearly an hour discussing my thoughts. He thought it was anxiety as I lost my Grandad last year who was the first person I was close to who died. I also lost my Dog and Cat, that although sounds silly, had been around all through my childhood so a massive pain was felt by all of us when we lost them.
After the Doctors the physical symptoms still stayed, I went home feeling anxious and dizzy, started feeling wobbly walking around like I may fall all the time and had problems swallowing. I went back to the Doctors with my parents and my Doctor again was great and gave me a medical examination of my balance, and things like asking me to touch my nose with my eyes shut, checked my eyes and reflexes. He said everything was ok and tha
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