Journey to my Dads funeral

[lilac kitten]

I didn’t know where to put this post, but I hope here is OK …..

There has been a chain of events since my last post, so I’ll explain best I can.

My Dad sadly passed away suddenly Thursday 29th January, my son came down with earache and a tummy upset on 3rd/4th & 5th February, and with a long drive looming, and having panic attacks on motorways, dual carriageways and in traffic jams, and worrying about if I’m going to be sick on the day or not (even though I’m not ill). So as you can imagine with son throwing up and big day to attend with long drive the anxiety took over.

Luckily I had the psychotherapist on Thursday the day before the funeral, and I came out with the lot about how nervous I was and everything. He suggested I could ask the doctor for a tranquilliser, and also to take a stemitil which would curb any nausea (I have stemitil for nausea when I get migraines), that way I shouldn’t have to think about the fear of being sick because I wouldn’t be.

I went home feeling better than I had. Come Friday I took the stemitil, but I did not see the doctor for any tranqullisers, my thoughts were “I can do this”. My partner drove there and back and I was a little nervous about throwing up, even though I didn’t feel sick. Then I had to go in the car with my dads partner and her grown up children behind the he**** on a 10 mile drive - I was nervous, but I kept calm. Basically I got through the whole day and was absolutely fine. And in the end the anxiety did not get the better of me.

I’m so glad I decided not to take the easy way out with the tranquillisers. Although it was tempting under the circumstances.

So I guess one successful story. Some people reading this probably think whats the big deal, but when you have a fear or suffer panic attacks in certain situations it’s a very big deal – and lets face it we all have fears.

My next challenge is a christening in a few weeks time in Portsmouth. And I will do the A3 and the motorway into Portsmouth – I’m determined to, and I will have my partner in the car in case of panic. I’m also going to try not to even think about “what if I’m sick”. I still carry a carrier bag in my handbag though just in case.

My therapist says I’m a very strong willed person and that I will get through this, I mustn’t ever think that I won’t. He classes me so far as a success because most people give up going or doing the breathing and exercises and just take tablets, but he says I’m using my mind to conquer my fears.

Speak to you all soon,
Ruth
x

[sarah]

Hiya Ruth

Im sorry to hear about your Dad.

You did amazingly well for such a stressfull time, im sure you will be fine at the christening if you can go through a funeral feeling so bad and without tranquilisers too!!
Your therapist says you are a strong willed person and I have to say I totally agree.

My personal driving fear is the A3 (its my nearest motorway) and so far I have gotten from where I live down to a couple of junctions past guildford on my own. (I guess about half an hours drive).Im not so bad with my husband with me but on my own I am a nightmare!!!

Anyway, good luck with the christening.

love Sarah
xx

[benoo5]

hi ruth,

sorry to hear about your dad.

to be honest,i think this post should be in the success topic,as you did so well..your therapist is right,you have a really positive attitude.

keep up the good work,you should be really proud of yourself....best wishes..bryan.

[sadie]

Hi ruth,

Just a small note to say...what a truley strong lady you are!! You coped so well under very upsetting circumstances.

Take care and my thoughts are with you and your family.

sadie

[nomorepanic]

Hi Ruth

So sorry to hear about your dad - must have been a very stressful time for you. When my partner's dad died in 2002 that triggered panic attacks again so I know how hard it can be.

You did exceptionally well to cope so well done for that - you must be pleased that you coped without any medication.

I wish you luck with the christening too.

Nicola

[Lottie32]

Hi Ruth

Well done. Feeling sick is horrible, I get it alot and take Motilium. Is stemitil the same thing?

You were very brave. I refused to follow the he**** to my grans funeral (she wanted to be cremated 20 miles away from home and I couldn't face following the he**** for that long). My gran was my best friend, and at the end, I bathed her, and washed her soiled clothes, all the unpleasant things that other family members don't even know happen.

To avoid the he****, we set off a bit later, and got lost! My best friend offered to take me, and we spent my grans funeral in the garden of rememberance cos I couldn't face going in.

In the end I think it was the best thing. The vicar got most of his facts wrong, where as I sat in the garden amongst the daffodils remembering the fun things I'd done with gran.

I got slated by several members of the family who didn't speak to me afterwards.

Funerals are a stressful enough time, even if you feel "normal", without adding an anxiety attack on top.

You will have fun at the christening - and it will be easier than the funeral as it is a lighter occassion, you coped fantastically last time, and you did it yourself, without medication)

Next time you have any doubts, just remember how well you got on at the funeral. If you've done it once, you can do it again. And it will be easier.

Have fun

Charlie

[lilac kitten]

Thanks for all your replies, I'm beginning to think I should have put this under 'Success Stories'.

I feel more confident just reading your replies than I did before I went, its like an energy boost to move forward.

Will keep you updated,

Ruth
x

[stimpy]

Well done Ruth, I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

You battled a dreadful set of circumstances and handled them all excellently.
He would have been very proud of you, just as we are proud of you.


Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric