Severe Health Anxiety

[Melon1]

Hello Everyone. My name is Helen. I am 36 years old, married with two gorgeous daughters. I have been thinking about posting a thread for two years now and things have come to such a head that this has to be the time for me to share things with you all and hopefully get some help and advice.

I have severe Health Anxiety. I have found NMP such a help to dip into over the last few years, at times when I feel as if I am going crazy... which is quite often. I can spend hours trawling through the posts trying to reassure myself.

I would say over the two years, I have had 4 serious bouts of health anxiety. I honestly can't think of a trigger that started it all off, but I think it was partly thanks to doctor google. I had a pain in my side and lower back and abdominal area. I googled and it came up with Ovarian cancer! I was so frightened. I went to my doctor who thought it was a touch of IBS due to stress and worrying etc. This mildly reassured me, but that evening I panicked big time. I phoned my mum at 6am the following morning, begging and crying at her to come to the doctors with me. She did and even though my doctor was sure it was nothing, as I was in such a state, she sent me to A&E, where they saw me and did an ultrasound. This showed up absolutely nothing. The pains went away a few days later.

I am an educated girl and deep down, know that all my symptoms could be anxiety, but I am always so worried, what if this time it's for real?! So, I always have to check things out and worry incessantly making me ill in the meantime and feeling every twitch, twinge movement in my body. I can't think about anything else.

Luckily my husband is amazing. I feel as if I have ruined his Easter weekend, as have been in floods of tears for most of it. Every time I look at my children, I imagine them without a mum... I am almost crying now writing this. My children are 5 and 3, and I keep thinking, if I can live until they are 18 and off to Uni, then at least they will be grown up and able to fend for themselves a bit.... What am I like!!!!

I look at happy people enjoying themselves without a care in the world and I am so jealous. I used to be like that. I have travelled the world, worked in lots of different countries and experienced life and loved it. I work now as a letting agent, from home and it is the perfect job which I can work around my children. I just want to be happy again, so that I can play with my children and have a laugh with my husband. He must be so fed up with me.

About a year ago, I felt as if I had breathing difficulties, so immediately assumed 'LUng cancer'!! I was convinced, so ended up having a chest xray...which of course showed nothing.

I have felt anxiety rising over the last few weeks. I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone and sometimes I feel a bit exposed by it all. On the school run you always have to have a smile and be chatty and sometimes I really dont feel like it.....I over analyse everything I say and do, and feel that I can't act normally anymore. This is affecting my personality... I just wish I could relax again.

Anyway, I started feeling pain in my abdomen about a week ago. It started as if it was period pains (no period) and then went into my lower back. It also then felt as if there was a pressure pushing down into my bladder, womb & vaginal area and rectum... Its really hard to explain. I also kept feeling sick...... Of course, I couldn't help but google and it brought up Ovarian cancer... which freaked me out again!! I then started to get a bit of leg pain and that is also a sign.

To try to cut the story short, I went to see my doctor and burst into tears...she did a pelvic examination, but couldn't feel anything. She said she really believed that I was fine and this was brought on by anxiety. She booked me in for an ultrasound just to put my mind at rest. She also prescribed me some tablets for IBS, which I haven't started taking yet. This reassured me for about an hour, but then I started freaking out again and believing that she just thinks I have anxiety and hasn't taken me seriously.

Yesterday, Easter saturday, I couldn't take it anymore, so took myself off to A&E. I was a right mess. I felt the doctors thought that I was a nutcase. I explained my fears and said that I needed an ultrasound there and then to put my mind at rest. He said that he truly did not believe there was anything wrong after another pelvic examination and said I should wait for my appointment to come through. I went home yesterday feeling completely drained.

My poor children have a fruitcake for a mum... I played with them in the garden yesterday and really made an effort, but not once did my health anxiety subside. I went to bed really early last night in tears. I am starting to think that maybe I will be okay with this... But I now have extreme anxiety about my anxiety and worry it won't subside.!!!

I don't want to be like this and need to find a way out.... I tried CBT about a year ago, but really didn't like being in a big group of people. I am neither particularly loud or quiet as a person, but just sat in the corner and didn't interact. I kept thinking, this isn't relevant to me and a lot of the exercises were to capture negative thoughts and act on them in a written process.... I have so many negative thoughts, I would be doing it all day, and don't have the time.

I have bought CBT for dummies, which is okay, but again, you have to spend a lot of time training your mind and it is not really working for me. Another book I have been highly recommended and the reviews on amazon are amazing is "self help for you nerves' by Dr Claire Weeks. I have ordered it today (its' only £4) and am willing to give anything a go.

I am also thinking about trying a therapist... I tried one just before Christmas, but wasn't that impressed. I need to find one who specialises in health anxiety.

I have such a lump in my throat today and feel so tense. I have the house to myself; My husband has taken the kids out to give me some space... I should be with them having fun!! I will have to wait at least a few weeks before I have my ultrasound. Worry Worry Worry! My abdomen still hurts and pushes down. I am going to desperately try to not think about the pain and see if it subsides....

Sorry for my rant.... any advice or help would be so appreciated... have a lovely Easter Sunday.

Helen XX

[diane07]

Hi Melon1

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[bexy1970]

hi hun,are you on any meds? i too had crippling health anx and like you it ruined my life daily,i was put on citalopram after trying many others,and i can honestly say these meds have given me my life back!!!!!i look back to how my life was wasted for years till i went on these!!! i sometimes get a very mild blip,but NOTHING compared to how i was....mention to your doc hun,ive never looked back!!pm me if u ever want to talk xxx

[honeyp1e]

Hello Everyone. My name is Helen. I am 36 years old, married with two gorgeous daughters. I have been thinking about posting a thread for two years now and things have come to such a head that this has to be the time for me to share things with you all and hopefully get some help and advice.

I have severe Health Anxiety. I have found NMP such a help to dip into over the last few years, at times when I feel as if I am going crazy... which is quite often. I can spend hours trawling through the posts trying to reassure myself.

I would say over the two years, I have had 4 serious bouts of health anxiety. I honestly can't think of a trigger that started it all off, but I think it was partly thanks to doctor google. I had a pain in my side and lower back and abdominal area. I googled and it came up with Ovarian cancer! I was so frightened. I went to my doctor who thought it was a touch of IBS due to stress and worrying etc. This mildly reassured me, but that evening I panicked big time. I phoned my mum at 6am the following morning, begging and crying at her to come to the doctors with me. She did and even though my doctor was sure it was nothing, as I was in such a state, she sent me to A&E, where they saw me and did an ultrasound. This showed up absolutely nothing. The pains went away a few days later.

I am an educated girl and deep down, know that all my symptoms could be anxiety, but I am always so worried, what if this time it's for real?! So, I always have to check things out and worry incessantly making me ill in the meantime and feeling every twitch, twinge movement in my body. I can't think about anything else.

Luckily my husband is amazing. I feel as if I have ruined his Easter weekend, as have been in floods of tears for most of it. Every time I look at my children, I imagine them without a mum... I am almost crying now writing this. My children are 5 and 3, and I keep thinking, if I can live until they are 18 and off to Uni, then at least they will be grown up and able to fend for themselves a bit.... What am I like!!!!

I look at happy people enjoying themselves without a care in the world and I am so jealous. I used to be like that. I have travelled the world, worked in lots of different countries and experienced life and loved it. I work now as a letting agent, from home and it is the perfect job which I can work around my children. I just want to be happy again, so that I can play with my children and have a laugh with my husband. He must be so fed up with me.

About a year ago, I felt as if I had breathing difficulties, so immediately assumed 'LUng cancer'!! I was convinced, so ended up having a chest xray...which of course showed nothing.

I have felt anxiety rising over the last few weeks. I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone and sometimes I feel a bit exposed by it all. On the school run you always have to have a smile and be chatty and sometimes I really dont feel like it.....I over analyse everything I say and do, and feel that I can't act normally anymore. This is affecting my personality... I just wish I could relax again.

Anyway, I started feeling pain in my abdomen about a week ago. It started as if it was period pains (no period) and then went into my lower back. It also then felt as if there was a pressure pushing down into my bladder, womb & vaginal area and rectum... Its really hard to explain. I also kept feeling sick...... Of course, I couldn't help but google and it brought up Ovarian cancer... which freaked me out again!! I then started to get a bit of leg pain and that is also a sign.

To try to cut the story short, I went to see my doctor and burst into tears...she did a pelvic examination, but couldn't feel anything. She said she really believed that I was fine and this was brought on by anxiety. She booked me in for an ultrasound just to put my mind at rest. She also prescribed me some tablets for IBS, which I haven't started taking yet. This reassured me for about an hour, but then I started freaking out again and believing that she just thinks I have anxiety and hasn't taken me seriously.

Yesterday, Easter saturday, I couldn't take it anymore, so took myself off to A&E. I was a right mess. I felt the doctors thought that I was a nutcase. I explained my fears and said that I needed an ultrasound there and then to put my mind at rest. He said that he truly did not believe there was anything wrong after another pelvic examination and said I should wait for my appointment to come through. I went home yesterday feeling completely drained.

My poor children have a fruitcake for a mum... I played with them in the garden yesterday and really made an effort, but not once did my health anxiety subside. I went to bed really early last night in tears. I am starting to think that maybe I will be okay with this... But I now have extreme anxiety about my anxiety and worry it won't subside.!!!

I don't want to be like this and need to find a way out.... I tried CBT about a year ago, but really didn't like being in a big group of people. I am neither particularly loud or quiet as a person, but just sat in the corner and didn't interact. I kept thinking, this isn't relevant to me and a lot of the exercises were to capture negative thoughts and act on them in a written process.... I have so many negative thoughts, I would be doing it all day, and don't have the time.

I have bought CBT for dummies, which is okay, but again, you have to spend a lot of time training your mind and it is not really working for me. Another book I have been highly recommended and the reviews on amazon are amazing is "self help for you nerves' by Dr Claire Weeks. I have ordered it today (its' only £4) and am willing to give anything a go.

I am also thinking about trying a therapist... I tried one just before Christmas, but wasn't that impressed. I need to find one who specialises in health anxiety.

I have such a lump in my throat today and feel so tense. I have the house to myself; My husband has taken the kids out to give me some space... I should be with them having fun!! I will have to wait at least a few weeks before I have my ultrasound. Worry Worry Worry! My abdomen still hurts and pushes down. I am going to desperately try to not think about the pain and see if it subsides....

Sorry for my rant.... any advice or help would be so appreciated... have a lovely Easter Sunday.

Helen XX

Like you i also have HA (badly) and suffer with all the same pains and that heavy feeling you described i get this just above my pubic bone and feels really heavy this is all just IBS i was like you had so many test and believe me i had them all bloods/ xray/ ultrasouds etc i just couldnt believve it was all just IBS an my anxiety making it worse i swear i thought i had some major illness i still do now and then when my ibs playing up i just try and not eat the things that kick it off (mainly chocolate) which i cant stay away from and i have been suffering badly with my anxiety until a few weeks ago i also started on citalopram and only for these am starting to feel myself again not 100% but one good thing is am eating as i stopped eating for a few months just lost all my appetite and lost over 3stone....
if your not on any meds you should really speak to your doctor you cant carry on life this way its not good i no how your feeling i looked at people and thought i wanna be happy like them even nearly lost my boyfriend a few times because i was so bad just couldnt calm down i still have my bad days but i look forward to the good ones that come and you will have them aswell i just thought of my children and it got me through them i have a phobia of taking tablets and only for having my kids i wouldnt of taken any but am glad i did take them as am on my way to recovery you can do it to xx

[Greenman50]

A big warm welcome from me x

Hope you continue to find the site a great comfort it has helped me enormously .
Post away everyone is so helpfull on here .

[jill]

Hi hun, just wanted to say welcome to the site.

It must be really hard for you right now, but you have come to the right place, there are others who know what you are going through, they are nice people who will help and support you.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILL XXX

[Taffy]

Hi Melon1,

I know exactly how you feel as do many, many others on here...so don't worry you are not alone.

One thing I have come to realise lately is the effect that anxiety can have on the body. The mind is a such a powerful thing and it can make the unbelievable totally believable to the sufferer of HA. Its all about being able to control that thought process and prevent or control the irrational fears from taking over...easier said than done I know!

This site has helped me a lot lately and at the moment I'm feeling good. I've been refered for CBT and I'm hoping with this and a bit of positive thinking I can get over it once and for all.

Stay strong....

[Christers]

Helen, you're nearly a carbon copy of myself! I'm constantly monitoring my body for signs of disease and, like you, i am focusing on the pelvic area at the minute. It's sad that at easter, when we should be relaxing and spending time with our kids, we are instead obsessing about our health.I did exactly the same this easter. Had a smear on thurs and found cervical erosion. Was assured by nurse it was very common, especially after having children and was assured it wasn't a sign of cervical cancer. I was no more than 15 minutes out of the doctors surgery when i HAD to call back just to ask the nurse for reassurance. And so, this has continued all weekend! I have a two year old boy and, like you, look at him and think 'i want to see you grow up, i want you to have your mummy around'. I think this comes with territory of being a mum. I know it's not normal to behave this way and i don't know what the answer is: i obviously haven't found it yet either. I think we just have to fight the fear. My husband says 'you're here, you're breathing, you're alive. Live your life!'. How I wish we could have his attitude towards life! Just try to fight these irrational fears and maybe someday our brains will listen! Take care!

[Melon1]

thank you to everyone for your replies. It means a lot to know that I am not alone. I had quite a good day yesterday, although still couldn't truly relax and enjoy myself... I feel like I am questioning my behaviour all the time..!! weird.. I still have the pelvic pains. I have just started a very strange period which is a bit mucky.. sorry tmi... and the pains are the same as before and not the same period pains I usually have. I am on the mini pill (Micronor) and really think I should stop taking them, as I bleed whenever and havent a clue about my cycle. I am now worried that all these pains are due to cervical cancer.... will these fears never end!!!? I wish that my ultrasound appt would come through so I can know if anything is going on.... this may ease my mind until the next time.....Really want my self help book to come through too.... hope that it will be my miracle cure.

I have looked up hypnotherapy and some counsellors online. Has anyone tried this? My doc wants to see me in a month and has suggested I try Citalopram... I am very scared to take any pills and my husband is against it. He thinks I can get through this... not sure... any advice appreciated.

Hope everyone is having a positive day today...

Lots of love.

XX

[bexy1970]

please,please try the citalopram hun,id tried everything under the sun,but these gave me my life back xx