Cannot take this anymore, i fear my own life.

[Anxiousmess]

Where to begin? I do not know, but i do have to begin somewhere.
On and off for years i have suffered with anxiety, depression and panic attacks, i have always been a worrier too, i admit that but recently things have gotten out of control, and to be honest what i am experiancing is something very new to me.. i have been to a doctor, but all i get from him is its ur anxiety u are fine.

I know everyone who suffers with anxiety struggles with their breathing, and sometimes it can feel so bad we honestly think we are going to die.
This is the worlds most horrible feeling, we all need to breathe to live.. anyway i will tell u my problem, i am completely petrified day and night from this and nothing i do gets rid of it, or even calms it down.
Firstly i am unbelievably breathless, i can't sing, i can barely walk without being completely out of breathe.. everything feels to tight, my throat, my back, my shoulders my chest, everything, i just sit and burst into tears over and over cuz im so scared i'm dying.. i know u have all heard all this before but i need to write this and hear from people to keep me going.. not only am i experiancing this but the worst part, is when i tilt my head in dif positions, certain positions are worse than others but i am basically feeling like i have a load of sticks or something through my throat n neck, and it feels unbelievably impossible to breathe in these positions, i dont know if its the muscles in my throat or the *lump in the throat feeling* but this is all day everyday and i can't escape, my air ways feel crushed in these positions, barely any room for oxygen, it doesn't hurt its just uncomfortable and im scared something serious is wrong in my throat, i can't stand this anymore, i am having suicidal thoughts and noone seems to help all they to me is "its ur anxiety" like i have said i have suffered on and off with anxiety for years and this has never happened to me, my neck feels twisted, and like something is there poking its way deep into my throat, every breathe i can feel it, i dont like this, please help me, im so scared i cant take it.. what if something will happen?? The easiest way to explain the tight chestness is like u know when u have a bad cold and ur all blocked up in ur nose? Wat do we do ? We all do the same we open our mouths and breathe freely dont we.. of course, we need too, well even when i breathe thru my mouth this is how it feels like it does with a blocked nose, i know im now ranting on i jus need help, i dont wanna die

[kibbutz83]

Hi, you could be describing my symptoms exactly... and yes it's the most miserable, desperate situation to be in. I think after years of tension and anxiety our bodies will react, but I also think that we are so "hyper-vigilant" that we over-react to even the slightest twinge. I wonder if you take any meds? Sometimes we need to give ourselves a chance to heal, and for me ad's helped take the edge off. Anxiety is very often the result of adrenal fatigue, so it is sooo important to try and build our adrenals back up, after years of "abusing" them :( Do you manage to get much sleep at night? Sleep plays a huge part in our healing... I know it sounds cliche, but you must try and relax your body and breathing You're not dying... good luck

[~glowly worm~]

Hey anxious mess,

im glad you posted.
Kibbutz raises some important points, have you tried breathing exercises yet? These take your focus into slowing the breath down as the more you worry aboiut it being shallow the harder it can be to breathe. They are quite simple but can be difficult so if they dont help you dont force yourself to do them there are other things more suited to some people. But if your gp has said its anxiety its a good idea to keep reminding yourself that fact. Like when u get a worry you are dying saying 'I'm just anxious'. Kibbutz is right again its a normal physsical reaction to find it hard to breathe when panicked but focusing on ibeing unable to breathe can make it worse whilst slowing it down and reminding self its a natural reaction to anxiety can sometimes help.

If you want to try breathing exercises you can start with a simple one that people on here have recommended I(try searching ''breathing exercises'') If bad thoughts come try to take your mind back to the breahting and concentrate on that or if you can then tell yourself 'i am having tourble swallowing because i am anxious' or 'i am having rouble breathing because im anxious but the doctor has told me i am okay so it is just a natural reaction'.


Others may be able to advise better breahing exercises than me but i do find it helps when i get panicky.

Also have you read Dr.Weekes books? She has excellent descriptions of physical difficulties including breathing and how to manage them and you can buy her book on this site in the shop- sorry to sound like an advert i just found her book really helpful in starting to recover and i'm still reading it at the moment. I have found reading self help books has been an incredibly calming tool as they often sound like they are describing my difficulties but they also give remedies to test out too.

One thing Dr. Weekes says is to try and hold your breath as long as you can without breathing out, she says its quite difficult to do so as your body naturally wants to breathe. Might be worth trying this as your gp has said you are okay. But im not minimising how awful it must be for you it sounds incredibly hard and scary.

Another thing is distraction, i have found coming on here and talking to people, reading, going for a gentle walk and focusing on nature, photography, anything you feel you *can* do that might get you out of your head even watching a film, csan really ease the physical problems enough to calm downa nd be able to get osme relief from them as your body gets more relaxed.

Really hope this is of some use, but even if it isnt the main thing to take from it (i hope!) is that you are by no means alone in this as kibbutz has recognised and there are things you can do to help feel better. Its just a case of searching and finding hte right ones for you, which might be none of the ones ive mentioned.

Really hope you feel better.

~glowly~ x

[anx mum]

Believe me your not gonna die like u not long bk i had horrible symptoms like chest pains, i couldnt breath felt like i was suffocatting the only way i felt it ease if i went outside. Really feel for ui know this takes over your life have u got much support? U on any meds?

[Anxious_gal]

How long have you felt this way?
I had a bad episode of anxiety and it lasted a few months.
I feel terrified ALL the time, I would pace around the house for hours!
I was scared of how I felt and I was scared that the feeling would never go away.
My favorite time was when I'd wake up and still feel a little calm Some times I would try and sleep for as long as I could to escape the anxiety.
I get chest heaviness, back pain, shoulder pain you name it! I got panic attacks so bad that the muscles in my back and chest spasimed up, so it felt like I was being crushed.
Even now I always get a pain or ache some where when I walk (lack of exercise)
I often get dizzy and feel faint.
When my anxiety was bad I was so scared of feeling faint or dizzy, I would be afraid to move.
I have a lot of hard lumps in neck, not sure what they are but I need my wisdom teeth taken out, doctor says glands, dentist says infection.
They used to scared the hell out of me, I became convinced they would close my throat up. They have gotten bigger and I've gotten more of them but so far I am still alive
I started getting tight muscles along my throat, it feels like some one is trying to strangle me.
I can 100% understand the lump in throat, I can feel mine on the outside and inside, it takes a lot of energy and mental power to ignore it :(
To be honest most of my anxiety at the moment is due to the sensations in my neck and throat. Hoping getting my wisdom teeth out will help......
You sound a lot like me when my anxiety was at it's worst.
I promise once you over come the anxiety the other symptoms will ease off and they will not freak you out as much.
I know you scared because it feels like you can't breath , that's what scared me too.
Have you told your doctor about your symptoms?
It could help if your honest and they can reassure you, everything's in working order.
.
when I was going through my bad patch I posted a lot and used the chatroom and the people here was so amazing.
sometimes I stayed in the chatroom all night because it made me feel a bit safer

[Anxiousmess]

Thank you all so much for ur replys, its comforting knowing im not the only one out thre feeling like this.. but also sad as i know how horrible it is and wish noone would ever have to go through it, things can seem so bad and so real its sometimes hard to believe that everything u are feeling is basically in ur head.. i think the lump etc feeling in the throat is wat is carrying my anxiety on so bad.. from when i first wake up till i go to bed this is what i have and i jus cry n cry, i feel so sorry for anyone who has this, its the worst thing i have ever had to deal with, once again thank u all for ur support and help, i think i just need to tell myself "look, u r breathing, this wont kill you and ur gonna be okay" rather than what i keep telling myself "ur dying, thats it tonight u are gone, i better say goodbye to my family" that is what i do, my fiancee every night has to sit there listening to me crying my heart out and basically saying goodbye to him just in case, i cant bare it anymore...
i am only 22 almost 23 and this all started when i lost my step father of 30 to cancer.. i wish u all great success in over coming this horrible horrible illness, ty all so much take care everyone xx

[debs71]

Hi Anxiousness,

So sorry that you are feeling so desperate and worried about this. I know you have heard it before but anxiety really throws some AWFUL things at us, often things that come out of the blue and that we haven't experienced before, as you mention with your breathing worries.

For months and months I hadn't had any physical anxiety symptoms, and then a couple of weeks ago....WHAM...every time I ate things like toast/crackers/hard foods I felt I couldn't swallow properly and had something stuck in my throat. It was horrible as every time I ate I would gag and choke. It was so real but totally down to anxiety.

Like you say, I wouldn't wish anxiety on my worst enemy.

You have hit the nail right on the head about telling yourself ur breathing and it won't kill you, etc. That is absolutely the best way to tackle anxiety symptoms. I do the same thing. I tell myself 'oh great, well this is anxiety again. I have had it before so I know it will pass. I am going to get past this'....that kind of thing. It really does help calm it all down. Negative thinking just exacerbates the symtoms as you said.

I am also very sorry for your loss and I am not surprised that your anxiety started after something so traumatic.

Mine started after I became physically unwell with severe dermatitis of the lips (of all things) which the numerous doctors I saw tried to cure but couldn't. Like you I have always been a big worrier so it didn't take much to tip me over the edge.I had to stop work, became severely depressed and then started having anxiety and panic attacks. The worst thing about anxiety is that you never really see it coming and it is incredibly frightening at first.

I have had all of the symptoms you describe and please believe me, you will get over this and you will not stop breathing/die I promise you.

Distraction is key.....playing an internet game, watching a good film, going for walks. Your mind is tricking you into thinking you physically could not manage this, but I promise that you can. Be bloody minded with anxiety and its symptoms. Refuse to be overtaken by it.

Lots of us can relate to you and you are not alone.xxxx

[megan m]

i have never been on this before and im nervous . im 13 and every night i cry because i am scared of dying. i have coeliacs diesease which means i cant eat wheat. at school every day i have to take a pack lunch with horrible glutin free food while all my friends snack on pizza and burgers and chips. i often excuse myself from the table during lunch time and go to the toilets and cry, and my mum doest know but i put my lunch in the bin every day so i dont eat anything at lunch because i dont like being odd. that is one of the reasons why i am usually deppressed, but for some reason, im so scared of dying. im not seriously ill or worried of dying young, im just scared of the whole dying thing because no one knows what happens. im mostly sad about my parents or friends dying and always being sad and never getting to see them again. sometimes i get so deppressed, i really want to kill myslef. i have had alot of sore tummy's since i was diagnosed with coeliacs, and my mum has been there every night to help me, which is why im scared of her dying and then i would be left on my own with a sore stomach not knowing what to do and would really miss her. i often get very emotional and my mum just says i wont be so emotional when i am older, but i dont think she understands just how deppressed i am, about everything. please help me, i dont know what to do, i hate keeping secrets, and im just so scared of pain and of death and hate being a ceoliac, no one understands.

[MandySlade]

Have you ever been tested for asthma? I'm sure the doctor would have suggested it if he/she thought so, but it's a completely treatable condition if you haven't considered it yet.

[eeyorelover]

Hi Megan,
I have a daughter named Megan who is now 20. As a Mom I would like to tell you that something that is so stressful and so scary can be shared with your Mom!
I know that you may have a million different reasons why you feel you can't or shouldn't share your concerns and fears with her but I can give you the best reasons why you should share these issues with her...
NO ONE will ever love you so selflessly as your Mother does! NO ONE will ever have your best interests at heart more than your Mother! And NO ONE will be able to hold you and make you feel more secure than your Mother is able to!

Sweet girl, there are loads of bad things that CAN happen. But worrying about them isn't going to keep them from happening. All you can do is live every day of your life to it's fullest, love the people who mean the most to you as openly as you can, and try the best you can to let tomorrow worry about itself!

I don't know anything at all about your medical condition but I do know something about feeling different in school. My family was very poor. We didn't have a lot. I wore clothes my Grandmother made for me most of the time. We didn't have money to buy them. We couldn't pay for class trips or presents to go to friend's birthday parties. So I do understand the feeling of not being part of the group!

BUT the reality is that most of the girls your age are feeling as unsure and "different" as you are. Their circumstances aren't the same but the age is!! Everyone has something about themselves as a teenager that makes them feel different and it's scary because we all want to be accepted!
You aren't alone in the way you feel! It's actually very normal!!!

Please talk to your Mom!
(((HUGS)))
xxx
Sandy