Downsouthdevil
19-08-11, 17:43
Hi everyone,
As my last post may have indicated I am currently suffering HA regarding having VCJD. I spend most of the time convinced that I have i this disease. I have been to the Docs on many occassions and he is certain I have HA. I have been prescribed Miritazapine which has helped lift my mood. This has been going on for about 7 weeks now, I went from being fine- feeling happy and normal, to a blubbering, fearful and depressed wreck within 10 days all thanks to Google.
I have experienced a large number of physical and mental and emotional symptoms- word finding problems, light headiness, fear, pins and needles, aches and pains, and continous muscle twitching. I have even noticed my limbs jerking involuntarily.
However, over the weeks I have not deteriorated particuarly, in fact I am in a better state of mind now than 5 weeks ago when I could not leave my wifes side, was scared to be alone and would not leave the house. Im back to work and am able to function as a normal human being.
But, I cant stop checking myself- waiting for the next tingle, paranoid everytime I twitch, hating the pain (always fairly mild) behind my eyes. Standing on one foot to see if I lose balance. I HATE THIS.
Today I have read about the standard Neurological examination- and I have found myself conducting it at several points during my day on myself (WHY??? ITS NOT LIKE I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE RESULTS ANYWAY).
I started with ROMBERGS TEST, and noticed that with my feet together and eyes facing forward and arms down by myside I can stand fine. When I close my eyes, there is a slight swaying motion (I MEAN VERY SLIGHT) but I never lose my balance. This is a good sign right.
I then do the toe to ankle tandem walk. I struggle at this in bare feet and do look malco-ordinated. (This panics me and a cycle of HA starts again). However I do have a weak ankle on my left side, and it struggles to support my weight. So I compose myself and do it again, this times with shoes on, this time my co-ordination is much better and I can do it fine. SURELY THIS TEST DOES NOT NEED TO BE BAREFOOT?
Then I try the finger out stretched and touching nose test, fine with eyes open, fine with eyes closed. GOOD SIGN RIGHT?
Finally I try to sit down and outstretch my legs, I use the ball of my right ankle and rub it down my lower leg from below the knee to my foot, repeating this motion quickly, and suceeding on both legs.
I then walk around the room on tip toes and on the ball of my ankles, no problems. I HAVE PASSED MY OWN NEUROLOGICAL EXAM- GOOD TIMES, I MUST BE OK?
Im happy for a few hours, get on with work, then it hits me, Im not a Neurologist, so how do I know everything is fine??? WORRY WORRY WORRY. I know a good solution--- I will do it all again, and again and again.
Im exhausted, will it ever stop?
As my last post may have indicated I am currently suffering HA regarding having VCJD. I spend most of the time convinced that I have i this disease. I have been to the Docs on many occassions and he is certain I have HA. I have been prescribed Miritazapine which has helped lift my mood. This has been going on for about 7 weeks now, I went from being fine- feeling happy and normal, to a blubbering, fearful and depressed wreck within 10 days all thanks to Google.
I have experienced a large number of physical and mental and emotional symptoms- word finding problems, light headiness, fear, pins and needles, aches and pains, and continous muscle twitching. I have even noticed my limbs jerking involuntarily.
However, over the weeks I have not deteriorated particuarly, in fact I am in a better state of mind now than 5 weeks ago when I could not leave my wifes side, was scared to be alone and would not leave the house. Im back to work and am able to function as a normal human being.
But, I cant stop checking myself- waiting for the next tingle, paranoid everytime I twitch, hating the pain (always fairly mild) behind my eyes. Standing on one foot to see if I lose balance. I HATE THIS.
Today I have read about the standard Neurological examination- and I have found myself conducting it at several points during my day on myself (WHY??? ITS NOT LIKE I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THE RESULTS ANYWAY).
I started with ROMBERGS TEST, and noticed that with my feet together and eyes facing forward and arms down by myside I can stand fine. When I close my eyes, there is a slight swaying motion (I MEAN VERY SLIGHT) but I never lose my balance. This is a good sign right.
I then do the toe to ankle tandem walk. I struggle at this in bare feet and do look malco-ordinated. (This panics me and a cycle of HA starts again). However I do have a weak ankle on my left side, and it struggles to support my weight. So I compose myself and do it again, this times with shoes on, this time my co-ordination is much better and I can do it fine. SURELY THIS TEST DOES NOT NEED TO BE BAREFOOT?
Then I try the finger out stretched and touching nose test, fine with eyes open, fine with eyes closed. GOOD SIGN RIGHT?
Finally I try to sit down and outstretch my legs, I use the ball of my right ankle and rub it down my lower leg from below the knee to my foot, repeating this motion quickly, and suceeding on both legs.
I then walk around the room on tip toes and on the ball of my ankles, no problems. I HAVE PASSED MY OWN NEUROLOGICAL EXAM- GOOD TIMES, I MUST BE OK?
Im happy for a few hours, get on with work, then it hits me, Im not a Neurologist, so how do I know everything is fine??? WORRY WORRY WORRY. I know a good solution--- I will do it all again, and again and again.
Im exhausted, will it ever stop?