Stupid question, but......

[mum83]

What is it REALLY like to be on an anti-depressant? Do the positives outweigh the negatives or any side effects for you? How long did they take to work and how often are you changing doses? I only ask because although I'm on a very low dose of Mirtazipine (7.5) to help me sleep (I was getting bad anxiety and panic attacks waking me up at night), I still sometimes feel an all over sense of doom and sadness during the day. I'm afraid to try anti-depressants at a higher dose. Citalopram 20mg made me practically suicidal (admittedly after only one dose but I sure wasn't going to try a second!) and I'm so scared of that happening again. I might find that I end up with more troubles than I had before I started taking meds. Since that incident with Citalopram I haven't felt right...it freaked me out so much.

[Ingenious]

I was medication-adverse for a couple of decades thanks to a pretty bad experience on Clomipramine, but eventually had no choice really but to take them last year when I hit a very bad patch. I was started on Citalopram for about six months and it didn't work out, so I was switched to Mirtazpine 15mg and I have been on that also for about six months. This time it was a life-saver, I rarely feel as if I am even on medication, I have made a good recovery, it even has an antihistamine side effect on me (ie. it has cured my hayfever!). I expect to be on this long term.

So up until Mirtazapine I would have been reluctant to recommend them, but now I can see if you get the right one for you, it can be a life saver and life changer.

I think we are all unique, and what works for one of us won't for another. It is so sad in some ways antidepressants are such a lottery, and that it takes so long to exhaust one before you try a different one.

[ZHBully]

Hi again (saw you on another mz'pine thread!),

For me, being on an a/d feels like my tears are slightly deeper/I have a bigger buffer zone between normal and tears - this gives me more time and calm space to deal with and resolve problems, before I tip over in tears - once I'm in tears I am useless.


I have to say, when I started mz'pine (had been on sertraline purely for depression, but then they started conking out on me & my brain started adding anxiety to the mix...), I suddenly became very agitated and often angry, which really isn't like me at all! The zombiness from daytime sleepiness was also hard to put up with at first.

But after 7 weeks things eventually calmed down and I'm better than I was in both terms of depression and anxiety (and agitation also gone now too). Though things aren't totally perfect.

So for me, the benefits now outweigh the side effects, which are lessening themselves too. But at the start the side effects were competing tightly with the benefits! Luckily for me, I had the luxury of being at university, who were very understanding in terms of adjusting deadlines for me, so I could afford to be a zombie for a month and a half while my body got used to the mz'pine. I couldn't have managed it if I'd had any real responsibilities.

I mentioned to someone else on this website how my uni nurse told me that no one should need to feel down, unhappy or anxious unnecessarily, and that we deserve to find a medication or combination of therapies that will help us get back to feeling like ourselves. I often have to remind myself of that ;)

[ElizabethJane]

What is it REALLY like to be on an anti-depressant? Do the positives outweigh the negatives or any side effects for you? How long did they take to work and how often are you changing doses? I only ask because although I'm on a very low dose of Mirtazipine (7.5) to help me sleep (I was getting bad anxiety and panic attacks waking me up at night), I still sometimes feel an all over sense of doom and sadness during the day. I'm afraid to try anti-depressants at a higher dose. Citalopram 20mg made me practically suicidal (admittedly after only one dose but I sure wasn't going to try a second!) and I'm so scared of that happening again. I might find that I end up with more troubles than I had before I started taking meds. Since that incident with Citalopram I haven't felt right...it freaked me out so much.
I have been on a number of anti depresssants over the years and had longish periods without drugs. Unfortunately I have always relapsed. I have sufffered with side effects from seroxat and duloxetine. Prior to being on mirtazapine this time I was on dothiepin for sixteen years. I am taking mirtazapine 45mg and lithium 1,000mg because I have a long standing condition of severe recurrent depression. The drugs help to keep me well. I have managed to cope with my Fathers death this year without relapsing. I'm not afraid of the drugs but I am afraid of the illness and the consequences of being ill such as losing my job and my friends. I'm further away from a relapse than I have ever been but I am always cautious as the illness is always there and I have learn't to live with it. A lot of the feelings that you talk about are associated with the depression such as the impending feeling of doom and the increased anxiety. I hope that you begin to feel better soon. EJ.

[mum83]

Thank you all so much for your replies. Phew. It's so much to take in. It's especially hard for those of us with families and children who depend on us too. These doctors talk about it taking weeks for side effects to settle down, or to even begin to tell if the medicine is the right one for you.....but every day is so long, every hour counts when you're raising children and have the school runs to do, entertaining your little ones, housework, etc etc every day seems like a year sometimes and a family can break down in that time. I've got a supportive husband but no friends or family near me to help.

When I first started Mirt., the doctor put me on 30mg right off and now I've learned he shouldn't have done that! I took one pill and woke up the next morning not really knowing where I was, I was looking at my children but had this sort of disinterested feeling in them (and to me this was so so sad at the same time because it was like the ME behind the medication knew how much I loved my kids!) and couldn't even interact with the children. I also felt depersonalised. This was all in one morning and I was already thinking NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN. I couldn't take 2 weeks of that!! It was just so not ME. Does that sound stupid? I want the anxiety and depression to lessen but not to the extent that I don't feel anything at all!

I know this will be a tough ride. Thanks to you all who have read and responded to my previous posts. As you can tell I'm finding this hard at the moment. I know I can beat this. I have to for my kids. Thanks for being so understanding. x

[mistymoo]

I think if youve had a bad episode of depression or like me a breakdown then at the time I would have taken a smartie if I thought it would make me better. I'm on Duloxetine and Mirtazapine and the Mirt has increased my weight but I would rather be slightly overweight than suicidal:)

[Pipkin]

Hi there,

Not a stupid question at all - very sensible in fact. Everyone reacts differently to ADs but there are a few things to expect:

You'll get some common side effects at the beginning usually headaches, nausea, lightheadedness - these are usually quite tolerable and pass fairly quickly
Your anxiety can increase for the first couple of weeks - this can be quite severe and make it difficult to tolerate. Some GPs will prescribe other meds alongside the ADs for a couple of weeks to help this. I took beta blockers which really helped.
For me ADs make be feel a little bit emotionally numb but that can be a positive in some respects and seems to go alongside the anxiety-reducing effects

Whether the pros outweigh the cons? That's something that everyone has to decide for themselves depending on how they react. For me, the minor side effects are worth tolerating in order to have much reduced anxiety.

However, it's important not to pin all your hopes on ADs solving your problems. They usually help you to think more clearly and then you can start to work on your anxiety and its causes. Ultimately, it's only through determination that you start to improve.

Take care

Pip xx