harasgenster
21-08-11, 01:19
Hi
I haven't been here for a while and was doing pretty well, but something's happened and it's really thrown me.
Basically, I get really anxious when I'm in social situations of certain types. Often, I panic when I felt put on the spot or, in a social situation where I'm already nervous, and I will say the wrong thing. I feel like I should say something, because I don't want to be shy, but when it comes to it I panic and the wrong words come out. Sometimes what I say sounds really weird and people give me funny looks (I'm actually too embarrassed to give you an example!) And sometimes I just use a slightly wrong word or the tone comes out wrong and something that was supposed to be nice comes out sounding offensive. I find this completely humiliating and it throws me for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, I end up feeling just very, very confused. My thoughts spiral to the point that I feel kind of blanked out and totally unfocused and I just don't want to do anything any more. Sometimes this make me look really weird because I can't keep focus on what's going on around me. I might space out and stare at something for a couple of seconds (not longer than that) at an inappropriate time (when people would notice) or I might not be able to focus on the words someone's saying to me so I just can't "hear" them - I mean, I can hear, I just don't understand what they're saying. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to socialise at all anymore (or go to work, which is the biggest problem spot) but once I've calmed down (the next day usually) this isn't too much of a problem and I can rationalise.
So what happened was my shyness came up in conversation with a friend and she looked shocked and said: "You're not shy!" I mentioned this to another friend because I thought it was funny. This friend has known me for 14 years. But she as well said "You're not shy". I couldn't work it out so I spoke to my boyfriend, who I've been with for 18 months. He also said he didn't think I was shy. This has freaked me out. I had always consoled myself that when I say something stupid out of panic or if I say something weird (I say some incredibly weird things sometimes because I get confused mid-sentence, stop speaking, and just freeze in terror), everybody can tell how nervous I am so they will realise it is simply panic. But now that people say they don't know I'm nervous, a few things are going through my head:
a) If they don't know I'm shy, when I say something that sounds offensive but wasn't meant that way and then freeze up because of the panic (so don't explain myself and just go quiet or get out of the room) they think I actually mean to be offensive.
b) When I say weird things, people don't think "oh, she's nervous" - they think there's something really wrong with me.
c) When I was a teenager and I was having more severe problems with this (where I would literally avoid social contact), my dad told me I wasn't shy, I just had very little understanding of people (my brother also said I had no social intelligence). My dad told me I should watch my brother and copy what he did in order to make friends. I found it really offensive like he was saying I didn't understand people or what I was supposed to do - I definitely do understand people and most of the time I understand what I'm supposed to do!
Then I looked up social anxiety and it says this: http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/anxietyphobias/shynessandsocialphobia.aspx
I'm not sure it's entirely like that with me. Nowadays, I tend to be ok until I actually open my mouth to speak and then panic just goes through me because everybody's eyes are on me and I'm so worried I'll mess it up and look weird. Usually, this is self-prophesising, because I panic so much I say something that definitely is weird and everybody just looks at me stunned and I can't explain myself because I can't move - I'm just frozen, I can't do anything, it's just sheer humiliation.
I'm getting really worried now. I also have very poor face recognition. I've never been great at it but it seems to get worse every year and now I fear going to work and realising that I can't remember who people are (not everybody but some people) and just the absolute fear that I will be inappropriate or people will think I'm really weird because I can't remember who I have spoken to and who I haven't. My friends notice it and think it's funny but it's got so bad that I'm getting really worried of anyone talking to me because I don't know if I'm supposed to know them or not. I think it's got worse because of the anxiety, though. I guess if you've got 1 million thoughts racing through your head then you might not have the space to remember the face? Or you're not focusing on it enough?
But the absolute worry is that - what if there's actually just something horribly wrong with me? What if I have like a developmental disorder or a personality disorder or there's something wrong with my brain and I actually am just completely abnormal? If people who have known me half my life don't think I'm shy and I don't fit the descriptions then maybe there's something seriously wrong? I keep worrying about what my dad said, because it was almost like he thought I had Aspergus or something, the way he told me to "copy normal people" and the way my brother said I had no social intelligence - it's making me worry that there's something really badly wrong with me.
Can anyone help? Do I sound shy? Why would no one else notice it?
I haven't been here for a while and was doing pretty well, but something's happened and it's really thrown me.
Basically, I get really anxious when I'm in social situations of certain types. Often, I panic when I felt put on the spot or, in a social situation where I'm already nervous, and I will say the wrong thing. I feel like I should say something, because I don't want to be shy, but when it comes to it I panic and the wrong words come out. Sometimes what I say sounds really weird and people give me funny looks (I'm actually too embarrassed to give you an example!) And sometimes I just use a slightly wrong word or the tone comes out wrong and something that was supposed to be nice comes out sounding offensive. I find this completely humiliating and it throws me for the rest of the day. By the end of the day, I end up feeling just very, very confused. My thoughts spiral to the point that I feel kind of blanked out and totally unfocused and I just don't want to do anything any more. Sometimes this make me look really weird because I can't keep focus on what's going on around me. I might space out and stare at something for a couple of seconds (not longer than that) at an inappropriate time (when people would notice) or I might not be able to focus on the words someone's saying to me so I just can't "hear" them - I mean, I can hear, I just don't understand what they're saying. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to socialise at all anymore (or go to work, which is the biggest problem spot) but once I've calmed down (the next day usually) this isn't too much of a problem and I can rationalise.
So what happened was my shyness came up in conversation with a friend and she looked shocked and said: "You're not shy!" I mentioned this to another friend because I thought it was funny. This friend has known me for 14 years. But she as well said "You're not shy". I couldn't work it out so I spoke to my boyfriend, who I've been with for 18 months. He also said he didn't think I was shy. This has freaked me out. I had always consoled myself that when I say something stupid out of panic or if I say something weird (I say some incredibly weird things sometimes because I get confused mid-sentence, stop speaking, and just freeze in terror), everybody can tell how nervous I am so they will realise it is simply panic. But now that people say they don't know I'm nervous, a few things are going through my head:
a) If they don't know I'm shy, when I say something that sounds offensive but wasn't meant that way and then freeze up because of the panic (so don't explain myself and just go quiet or get out of the room) they think I actually mean to be offensive.
b) When I say weird things, people don't think "oh, she's nervous" - they think there's something really wrong with me.
c) When I was a teenager and I was having more severe problems with this (where I would literally avoid social contact), my dad told me I wasn't shy, I just had very little understanding of people (my brother also said I had no social intelligence). My dad told me I should watch my brother and copy what he did in order to make friends. I found it really offensive like he was saying I didn't understand people or what I was supposed to do - I definitely do understand people and most of the time I understand what I'm supposed to do!
Then I looked up social anxiety and it says this: http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/problems/anxietyphobias/shynessandsocialphobia.aspx
I'm not sure it's entirely like that with me. Nowadays, I tend to be ok until I actually open my mouth to speak and then panic just goes through me because everybody's eyes are on me and I'm so worried I'll mess it up and look weird. Usually, this is self-prophesising, because I panic so much I say something that definitely is weird and everybody just looks at me stunned and I can't explain myself because I can't move - I'm just frozen, I can't do anything, it's just sheer humiliation.
I'm getting really worried now. I also have very poor face recognition. I've never been great at it but it seems to get worse every year and now I fear going to work and realising that I can't remember who people are (not everybody but some people) and just the absolute fear that I will be inappropriate or people will think I'm really weird because I can't remember who I have spoken to and who I haven't. My friends notice it and think it's funny but it's got so bad that I'm getting really worried of anyone talking to me because I don't know if I'm supposed to know them or not. I think it's got worse because of the anxiety, though. I guess if you've got 1 million thoughts racing through your head then you might not have the space to remember the face? Or you're not focusing on it enough?
But the absolute worry is that - what if there's actually just something horribly wrong with me? What if I have like a developmental disorder or a personality disorder or there's something wrong with my brain and I actually am just completely abnormal? If people who have known me half my life don't think I'm shy and I don't fit the descriptions then maybe there's something seriously wrong? I keep worrying about what my dad said, because it was almost like he thought I had Aspergus or something, the way he told me to "copy normal people" and the way my brother said I had no social intelligence - it's making me worry that there's something really badly wrong with me.
Can anyone help? Do I sound shy? Why would no one else notice it?