DO YOU FEEL STUPID

[mirry]

HI EVERYONE !

I have been attending my cbt and something came up about myself that i didnt know.
I had to drive my cbt car and whilst approaching the car i notised a man watching us getting into the car together which made me feel uncomfortable. When i had to start the engine i checked to see if the man was still watching (which he wasnt) so i drove out of the car park.

Then a car came around me quite fast and i felt myself go HOT.

I told my therapist how i felt and he broke it all down for me like this;

WHEN SOMEONE IS WATCHING YOU HOW DO YOU FEEL ?
uncomfortable/embarressed.
WHY DO YOU FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE ?
i dont know.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY ARE THINKING ?
look how shes driving.
WHAT WILL YOU BE THINKING ?
i might make a mistake.
WHAT WILL THEY THINK IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE ?
she cant do it, she cant drive.
IF THEY THINK YOU CANT DO IT, HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL ?
upset, embarrased ,STUPID.

He said theres such a anxiety called performance anxiety, which i seem to have..its usually caused because of childhood experiences.



mirryx

[Karen]

Hi Mirry

This is a bit like how my social phobia affects me. The worst aspect of it for me is fear of speaking (which like you stems from childhood issues). I have thoughts like -

I will say something stupid
I don't have the right to speak/say how I feel/ give an opinion
Other people will get angry and/or shout at me
... and so on.

I really find it hard being the centre of attention or being watched, so speaking in group therapy sessions is a challenge for me. But this also extends to other activities where I might be watched and judged.

Is the CBT helping you to address these issues?

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[Coni]

Hi Mirry,

thats a really useful way of breaking things down. My counsellor did that with me a couple of times and I found it really useful.

I can totally identify with what youre saying... I feel like this every day whenever I feel people may see me doing something...even if its only walking out in to the street to look for the kids...I'm terrified of being judged, for how I look, what I do, what I say etc. Especially at work (I even hate having to make a phone call in front of colleagues...mad eh?)

Sadly I dont know how you stop feeling like this but if you find out will you let me know please lol?

Coni X

[feege]

Hi Mirry

I haven't done that in my cbt yet but it's a classic! I really identified with it!

I think, if I have grasped cbt properly, that the way to feel better is to really visualise yourself doing it again only imagine that the man is watching you and thinking - wow - she's a good driver, then imagine how you feel, what it makes you think etc and to do this over and over...

If you really get 'in character' it changes the habitual thinking patterns - and I have done some of this and found it really works...

I had a high speed train coming at me and was tied to the rails and had to visualise me managing to get free and out of the way and I did it over and over and it really helped!! (that was very specific to my current circumstances though!).

Thanks for sharing that Mirry!!!

Fee xxxxxx
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