benwithquestions
22-08-11, 20:48
New member of the site:
About three years ago I first experienced a "derealization" experience. At the time, my girlfriend was telling me that she was going to leave the country (and our relationship). I think the shock of what she was saying caused an experience of derealization, and I felt as if I were suddenly standing 20 ft away from her, when in reality I was 4 feet from her. It was as if everything in the room got bigger at once, maybe 10 times the size, but everything got bigger in proportion, so visually the difference wasn't evident--this is the feeling.
A month after this initial experience I began drinking and partying heavily, and sleeping very little. I believe I was trying to escape the pain of the separation. I went into a manic state for a week, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Eventually I came down and recovered without drugs, using exercise and therapy to heal myself. I consider myself fully healed from the experience, and that the bipolar episode was a symptom of a perfect storm of emotional turmoil compounded by drinking and lack of sleep. I am more careful of such situations now, needless to say.
My question for the forum is about derealization experiences. So, in meeting my ex girlfriend, in the 2 years since we have split up, I have had some weird experiences when I stare into her eyes. If I stare "hard" I can sort of entrance myself and then I slip into this "derealization" feeling. It's a dramatic shift in consciousness. I have no thoughts in the experience, but it makes my ex feel very uncomfortable (not the staring per se: eye contact is normal with us; but the glazed look I get and the disconnection).
I know that derealization experiences are said to be escapes from difficult situations, but this past week I saw her for the first time in a while and we talked about those experiences of derealization and I decided to do it "for fun". Emotionally, I'm in a pretty good place (as far as I can consciously tell). So I just slipped into the feeling and then snapped out, because I didn't want to frighten her.
Does anyone else have the ability to produce this feeling on command, given certain circumstances? Or is it always accidental or unwanted? Are you at all interested like me in what that experience is?
To me, the best way to describe the feeling is that it is like a "panning out" motion of a video camera, except the scene doesn't change: only the feeling of panning out occurs.
About three years ago I first experienced a "derealization" experience. At the time, my girlfriend was telling me that she was going to leave the country (and our relationship). I think the shock of what she was saying caused an experience of derealization, and I felt as if I were suddenly standing 20 ft away from her, when in reality I was 4 feet from her. It was as if everything in the room got bigger at once, maybe 10 times the size, but everything got bigger in proportion, so visually the difference wasn't evident--this is the feeling.
A month after this initial experience I began drinking and partying heavily, and sleeping very little. I believe I was trying to escape the pain of the separation. I went into a manic state for a week, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Eventually I came down and recovered without drugs, using exercise and therapy to heal myself. I consider myself fully healed from the experience, and that the bipolar episode was a symptom of a perfect storm of emotional turmoil compounded by drinking and lack of sleep. I am more careful of such situations now, needless to say.
My question for the forum is about derealization experiences. So, in meeting my ex girlfriend, in the 2 years since we have split up, I have had some weird experiences when I stare into her eyes. If I stare "hard" I can sort of entrance myself and then I slip into this "derealization" feeling. It's a dramatic shift in consciousness. I have no thoughts in the experience, but it makes my ex feel very uncomfortable (not the staring per se: eye contact is normal with us; but the glazed look I get and the disconnection).
I know that derealization experiences are said to be escapes from difficult situations, but this past week I saw her for the first time in a while and we talked about those experiences of derealization and I decided to do it "for fun". Emotionally, I'm in a pretty good place (as far as I can consciously tell). So I just slipped into the feeling and then snapped out, because I didn't want to frighten her.
Does anyone else have the ability to produce this feeling on command, given certain circumstances? Or is it always accidental or unwanted? Are you at all interested like me in what that experience is?
To me, the best way to describe the feeling is that it is like a "panning out" motion of a video camera, except the scene doesn't change: only the feeling of panning out occurs.