Scared... somebody help

[Emmanuel77]

I am a healthcare provider and im working on a hospital. one day at work, i was instructed by the doctor to insert an IV fluid to a patient. Not knowing what the case of this patient is, i inserted the IV fluid. i didn't remember if i hand washed after or put alcohol. i also dont remember if i have an open wound in my fingers but i just cut my fingernails a day before. i didnt punctured my hand but im sure i touched the needle. then the doctor told me to put the patient in an isolation room. i asked him why and he said its a possible case of rabies. after the shift on my work and i returned home, when i was about to sleep i feel like im having a flu. i feel like my nose is irritated. i dont know if its because of the smell of the newly painted door. the next day , i had cough and it is my day off at work. the following day i returned to work and i followed up the patient to see the diagnosis. it is confirmed to be rabies. the next day i went to the animal bite center to have shots. i was previously given PEP, no RIG given, a year ago because i was exposed to a rabies patient and also a booster, 1 dose only, is given to me when i was again exposed to a possible rabies patient. the guy in the center told me that i will be given a booster shot again and he also said to come back early next day to have shot because stocks are out. the next day i was given the booster and another booster was given after 1 day.

three weeks after the incident in the hospital, i experienced an increase in my saliva and kept on swallowing. i didnt pay much attention in it but then i became worried because it didn't stop even if i do something. i was now thinking that i have rabies, i was nervous, i tested myslef if i was hydrophobic and went to have a shower. after a minute in the shower i stopped the water because i was afraid. to my despair i thought i had rabies. i slept that night thinking i was gonna die. but i woke up in the next morning tested again myself in the shower, but this time im not afraid.

i told myself, what is going on? then i think im thinking too much of having rabies. i continued to work but then i often think of i have rabies. i sometimes, feel like im afraid of water, light and air but when i go drink and eat im not having any difficulties in swallowing. im now very vigilant on my swallowing always feeling if i have difficulty in swallowing. i didn't consult any doctor at our hospital because i think they would just tell me to observe myself and dont be such a wuss.

im now very nervous when mealtime comes, im always nervous when food and water is around, thinking i might be afraid to eat and drink but when i do i dont have any difficulties in swallowing only being nervous. im now having loss of apetite due to this. im now also feeling my stomach is having spasms and i feel i dont want to eat. im trying to tell myself that im ok but whenever i swallow and my saliva increases i always think of i have rabies.

im having this feeling for about 5 weeks now since that incident in the shower and about 8 weeks since the incident with the patient. its killing me, im so stressed, im always nervous and depressed, whenever i feel happy i always return to being depressed thinking i have rabies and im gonna die...

i always have an increase in saliva, im always nervous whenever food, water, light and air is around. but when i "test" myself with these, im not having difficulties in swallowing and fear of light and air. but im so nervous.

can somebody please tell me what to do? do i have rabies? is this my dead end? i cant concentrate very well right now. somebody please help me...

[debs71]

Hi Emmanuel77,

I think that it sounds very much like you are caught in a cycle of anxiety. i think that the rabies worry is foremost in your mind, and this is probably fuelling all of your perceived symptoms and concerns. You know all of the symptoms that accompany rabies, so you are looking for them, and every little detail physically, so when you are convinced that you have one of the symptoms, that pushes your anxiety up further and so it goes on.

You say yourself that though you fear those certain things like food, water, light, when push comes to shove you can handle them, so that to me says that your anxiety is making you THINK those things are a problem/ going to be a problem because of your rabies fear, but in actual fact they are not.

It does sound to me that you are super anxious, and it is no wonder as you had a frightening experience.

I know it is hard, but try not to look at what MIGHT happen, or into the future, and take each day as it comes. All the 'what if's' just fuel your anxiety. Replace those thoughts with ' well so far I am ok, and I am sure I that I am not sick'. Positive thoughts do help.

The other thing is try, try, try to think logically. You did not puncture yourself with the needle. You had no open wounds. No blood was drawn. The chances that your contracted something are VERY slim to none hun. Needlestick injuries even with blood drawn are VERY low in terms of transmission. Do bear this is mind, but if no blood was drawn, but you touched the needle only, I would hasten a guess that all is fine.

I think our minds so easily get into this spiral of anxiety that makes us unable to rationalise stuff and see symptoms that are not there.

I am CERTAIN you will be fine.

Big hugs.x:hugs:

[Emmanuel77]

Thank you very much debs71 for your message. I don't know why am i thinking stuffs like these. I already had a booster dose of vaccine yet still i felt worried. Im always in a feeling of doom and depression. If it wasn't for that incident in the shower i wouldn't be so anxious like this. I don't know if im having an "irrational fear" over what i had in mind.

Since i had this "rabies scare", it affected my work, my life and my relationship. I want to be free of this sensation. It's been 8 weeks since the incident with the patient...

How do you do that "take each day as it comes"? It sounds nice because I've been thinking about the future almost everyday.

Thank you for your concern and time. I felt a bit better after reading your message. Hope I'll get over this and be fine.

[debs71]

Hi again Emmanuel....

It is really hard I know when you have had a trauma like that to get it out of your mind. Even when you consider all the rational things - like the fact you had the booster, the fact that you are symptom free in actuality, etc. there is that little niggle in your mind that tells you 'no, your ARE sick'.....it is really debilitating.

Well, the one day at a time thing IS hard, I know, BUT it can be done. I think that in your situation it is a case of waking up each day and reinforcing in your mind that you feel ok, you are not becoming unwell and today is another good day, instead of looking ahead and telling yourself in 'x' amount of years you won't be here because you have rabies. That is a fruitless worry as you don't know that hun. Just as you may be sick (though unlikely IMO) you may just as well be absolutely fine so try not to dwell on what is ahead, just what is immediately in front of you.

I think that the shower incident has really frightened you from what you say, and I think that far from that being a symptom of rabies, it is a high anxiety incident that has left its mark because of its' location, and the relation of water to rabies.

If you had had a panic attack in the kitchen rather than in the shower you would maybe pay it no mind , but because of where it was, it has left its mark I think. To me it sounds like when you got in the shower you were expecting (in a way) to feel unwell and expecting to be hydrophobic, so you were. A kind of self-fulfilling thing. This is a sort of anticipatory anxiety and I have been there a million times hun.

I passed out at my hairdressers last year during a panic attack, and every time I go back there now I feel unwell, or think I do, and that I am going to pass out. It is infuriating, but a similar thing to what you have been through. My mind tells me I am going to have a problem, so I do!

Anyway Emmanuel, I do hope things settle for you soon, but I am sure that you are just fine.

Best wishes.xxx:winks:

[Emmanuel77]

Thank you again debs71 for your message. It may be hard to remove this anxiety but I know I can do it. Thanks a lot.

I'll take that advice of yours to take one day at a time and reinforce in my mind that I am ok because if I have rabies I should have gone crazy and I'm in the hospital by now. I wouldn't be able to rationalize here and talk about my problem and I wouldn't have found this wonderful site. I keep on track of my swallowing thinking that I may not be able to swallow. I want to remove that thought. I want to be free from this anxiety and continue what I used to do. I'll be doing my best to remove this anxiety.

Thank you again debs71. God Bless You always and more power