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Horse
23-08-11, 22:50
For sometime my health anxiety had been worsened by the fact that my wife had an affair and subsequently left me 11 years ago. Until 3 years ago, we still saw each other for a drink now and again even though she was with someone else, and we remained friends (or so I thought) until two years ago when she mysteriously started to get more and more hostile towards me. However, although puzzled and slightly upset by this behaviour, I remained polite and always ready to give any help and assistance to her, her son and her ailing parents if they should need anything. To say that I loved her would be an understatement as I would of given my life if necessary to help her and my stepson! I must add and be honest and say that I always had trouble bonding with my stepson (for reasons I don't know why) but nevertheless have always treated him the best way I knew and supported him likewise.

Sadly, my dear wife now only contacts me when she wants something (normally concerning a legal matter with regards to me 'snuffing it' and making sure the house is left to my stepson should anything happen to her) or to feast once again on what little I have left on my genitalia! I am pleased to say that I always treat her in a most courteous manner and say that I'm always here for her.

My stepson whom I have known since he was 3 and is now 29, is getting married this coming Friday and although I am a little upset at not being invited, I am happy for him and his fiance who I have never met.

Modern technology now enables those getting married to have a 'Wedding Website' whereupon people can view all the necessary information regarding how the couple met, who the family is, who sits where at the reception and so on. There is also a facilty whereupon people can donate a gift of money online if required instead of buying the couple a present.

I therefore decided to donate a gift of £100 which although I can not really afford, thought it would help go towards their honeymoon and also in consideration of the fact that his fiance already has 3 small children by a previous marriage (needless to say, I admire his devotion).

Today is the anniversary of my fathers death so it is particularly not one of the happiest days in my diary. Unbeknown to me, I was unprepared as far as the amount of verbal abuse and emotional pain I was about to have to endure!

I received a call from my wife (here we go) who stated that she understood that I had sent my stepson some money asking me why I had done so? How I discovered the website? And how dare I 'Check up' on him! I looked out of the window. Yes, there was a black cloud outside, several in fact! Looking out of the other window I discovered a person about 8 feet tall wearing a black hooded cloak carrying a long-handled scythe with the word 'testicals' written on it!

My response to the amount of vitriolic and caustic verbal abuse that was so lovingly showered upon me was that I merely offered the money as a gift for the wedding and that I have known my stepson for 26 years and I wanted to add my congratulations to both he and his fiance. Needless to say this fell on very deaf ears which are attatched to the same person who also possesses a very short memory!

I was 'ordered' to cancel the payment considering that my stepson wants nothing more to do with me (although this wasn't the case when a few years ago I treated him to a double record deck costing £750 pounds for his birthday)!

To cut a long story short, after much searching and surfing the Q and A pages of 'Paypal' I noticed that my payment gift had been returned by my stepson with an added attatched comment from him which read thus;

'I'm not sure how you found our website or why you have decided to send us a gift, but i do not appreciate you looking at it and seeing our family and friends. If i Wanted you to meet them I would bring them to meet you. Please dont look at it anymore.

This I found to be both hurtful and unwarrented. A simple reimbursement would be adequate enough, but to add a comment like the above is in my opinion both evil and cruel especially when directed at a 'family' member. Just for the record, I have no other family except a brother in Canada and therefore, in my judgement, my wife and stepson are all I had. Even more astonishing is the fact that they are both aware of my anxiety issues and would of been only too aware at how such comments would have effect on me!

To be honest with you, I admit I have been a naughty boy in my younger years and I have seen things that I no longer wish to see and done things which I will never do again. I have also suffered at the hands of what I consider to be evil people and I have the memories and scars which never heal. But this has affected me possibly more than anything I endured of the past.

Consequently, I am sitting here in full meltdown. Acute chest pains, churning stomach, thankfully no crying considering I ran out of tears when my wife left me, acid burning and a head still shaking in disbelief!

If I were to pass away in the night through Cardiac Arrest, then it would only be a release and joy at meeting up with those who loved me for real and who have been so sadly missed in my heart for so long!

For those of you who know Horse, for once there is no humour in this post sadly (although the occasional irony is present).

For me, I have always refused to live in this world. A world which we are constantly surrounded by our suffering everday but where we continue to fight our problems and wear a mask in the hope that we appear normal. I have been only too aware that evil is constantly snapping at our heels every second of everyday...........Sadly today it took my heart!

Sorry, but today I cannot make any of you laugh or even smile.

My sincere apologies but this evening 'Horse' is hurting, and he's hurting bad!

May God bless you.

Horse.

lizzie29
23-08-11, 23:00
How sad. After all you've done for them, and such a generous, genuine gift, to be treated like this is terrible. No wonder you're hurting, there was no need for any of that. There are better ways that it could have been handled if they really didn't want the money, but to do it in such a cruel way after everything you've done... Despite having met and heard about many nasty people, I am still always shocked by how mean and thoughtless people can be. I am not sure how you want to handle things from now, but I think you would be well within your rights to have no contact with them - I'm sure they'll quickly realise how much you did for them and what a great loss they've experienced by not having you in their lives. However, you must do whatever you feel best, only you know that.

I'm sorry to hear about the anniversary of your Dad's death and I'm sorry you're so upset. I hope soon you find people who treat you with the decency and respect I'm sure you deserve.

Chriswebster
23-08-11, 23:13
Hey Horse. Not a nice situation, and I guess not much any of us can say will make any short term impact. Please do feel happy to know genuinely nice people do care about you though. Even though we are at the end of a website forum, the fond wishes and sympathy are genuinely human and heartfelt, and bespoke for you.
I hope you find some peace in this matter tonight and that you can begin tomorrow with a fresh and happy start.
Your gesture was meant for all the best reasons and time will uphold that.
Take care
Chris

Girl_Interrupted
23-08-11, 23:14
Such a sad post, I feel for you at this time, and i'm 100% on this website, u will never get a response like that! Truly awful and certainly not justified. U must know in ur heart that u tried to do the right thing and if other people can't see the good in that, then these people have no consideration at all.

Its also not good timing either as its the anniversary of ur dads death, my suggestion is if u have a pet (sounds bizarre but it works) hug ur pet :) unless u have a goldfish....

If not, then there are plenty of hugs here for you, coz i'm sending u loads :)

Take care x

Christers
23-08-11, 23:16
God, all i can say is that you a much better off without that b**ch of an ex wife and her selfish brat of a son. Where I come from, if someone sends you a (very generous!) gift, particularly if it was unexpected, you show your appreciation and say 'thank you'. Live and let live, move on from what appear to be two very shallow, selfish people. You've already wasted enough of your time and money on these individuals.

Girl_Interrupted
23-08-11, 23:46
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVxnNNGjubg

Got me through alot of pain :) this song has been played 1000's of times and quite loudly too!! dont know if u like Pink Floyd but it certainly helped me through my emotions :)

Em.ma
23-08-11, 23:48
Sorry your feeling so low but i say your better of without these people in your life. Surround your self with good people who appreciate your kindness x :)

Horse
24-08-11, 00:20
Many thanks for all your comments.

Just what I expected from my friends on NMP.

It is sad how ignorance remains blissful to those who roam the streets looking for another heart to break in order to quench their lust for evil over love!

Horse.

Anxious_gal
24-08-11, 00:45
It sucks when being too nice in this world can be a bad thing : (

You deserve to have people in your life who treat you as good as you treat them..

countrygirl
24-08-11, 10:32
Oh HOrse I really feel for you, you have made me feel so much better so many times on here and I wish I could say something that would help just a little bit.

As others have said you have done your very best and they really really don't deserve you one little bit so harden your heart and walk away from them, remember the saying " You choose your friends not your relations". Its very apt.

The hardest thing is that the past can never ever be changed no matter how much your worry about what happened then, I bet alot of us on here wish we could be your friend in real life rather than cyberlife.

paula lynne
24-08-11, 10:44
Hi Horse, long time no see!
Im sorry you feel so low, and little wonder, with certain people not content with ripping your heart to shreds, now enjoy stamping all over it.

Question.....are you interested in finding love again?

Question...WHY do they expect you to leave your HOUSE to this ungrateful rude little brat when you arent welcome at his wedding?????:mad:
Surely you must reconsider your decision now????

Im mad on your behalf, just wanted you to know that. :)
Sorry about your Father, its always hard anniversary time. xxxxxxxx
Paula x

kinnygirl1
24-08-11, 11:02
That's so sad... it's cliche but I really do think it's thier loss! Sending you lots of good vibes.

kinnygirl x

Horse
24-08-11, 11:06
Many thanks for your kind comments 'Mishel' and 'Countrygirl.'

'Paula Lynne' in answer to your questions.
The fact is, the house is in joint names (although I've lived here for 32 years and my wife for only 15) her share is left to my stepson. My will states that in the event of my death, then everything i posess is left to her or my stepson in the event of me outliving her, which is something that will now definately be changed asap!

Secondly, yes I am still looking for someone to love again but in all honesty I'm incredibly shy now as far as commitment is concerned and it will take time to adjust to trusting people again. I don't know what I'm going to do (afterall, you're already married sadly for me). PS. You may or may not have read my recent post titled 'Mr Cool'. X

In a way this recent sadness has made me stronger and given me a tremendous Psychological boost regarding my 'family' and in-laws.
In the future, will I still give my life for them? Will I still be here for them?
Will I be there when they want me?

Like **** I will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Horse.

Ambers
24-08-11, 11:06
Do you really need to leave your house to him? Why not a deserving charity! I am mad that people can be so vindictive and hateful. Life is short and I plan on spending it with people I like and love around me that make me happy and not hating myself (which I can do nicely by myself lol). What about starting a new life - you can do it and you have a supportive board here to encourage you

Horse
24-08-11, 11:07
Thanks Kinneygirl. X

Horse
24-08-11, 11:08
Thanks Amber.

You are right!
X.

Ambers
24-08-11, 11:09
Sorry posted after your updated post re shared house rights. But glad you are using your sadness to move forward

paula lynne
24-08-11, 11:21
How about arranging a local NMP meet Horse? That way, you can say hi in person to our lovely guys n gals, and it could pave the way for you to get used to "putting yourself back out there" as the Americans say.....

What about a single holiday website? Lots of people use them, including a friend of mine, whos travelled the world and met lots of good friends.
Or join a writing group, or do a night course in college, or just phone a pal and go to the cinema.........

You are an incredibly interesting and intelligent man. You deserve better than the apalling treatment the ex and stepson have given you.......time to step up and say "No MORE!".......how very dare they treat my mate like this?? GRRRRR :mad:
There must be a way around this house issue.
You could always move into my attic, and pocket the dosh from the house sale. Do a moonlight flit................Will ask hubby. :whistles:
Paula x

Horse
24-08-11, 11:33
Paula Lynne.

Sadly my Anx, phobias and shyness prevent me from much social activity.

Anyway, who is going to want me?

I've been told that some women would give their right arm for someone like me, but I would prefer one with both if possible!

People who know me say I have so much to give and that there is also a certain fascinating mystery hidden inside me just waiting to get out. By the way I feel this morning, I think it must be in my bowels at the moment!! (Sorry, a reminder of the old 'Horse' coming through there).

Unfortunately for me, my last holiday was in 1989. The Agoraphonia has taken care of that now!

All I have is my photography now, which is also limited naturally.

Clear the attic sweet lady!!!!

paula lynne
24-08-11, 11:56
Agro "phonia"...........you dont like listening to yourself talk about not going out?:winks:

How about a photography course then? Just a few hours a week......got to start somewhere. I was trapped inside my head for 10 years with anx, panic, and agrophobia......yet last year I went camping, to a Spa, to the beach, to meet my new family in Lincoln.........and next year IM GETTING ON A PLANE TO CYPRUS!!!! Ok, Its still scary, but you LIMIT yourself dear Horse by not trying at least..............

Why not make a list of things youd like to try/do/accomplish.
List them and give them a score out of 10 on how much anxiety they would/could cause
Attempt the least anxiety provoking one by Christmas.
Do it for your ole pal Paula x :winks:

kibbutz83
24-08-11, 13:04
Hi Horse, I think the older we get the harder it is to break the negative cycles... I think Paula's spot on with her advice re: Getting out there :) No-one can take that first step for us, we have to bite the bullet and do it ourselves.. once you've done it a couple of times the fear just starts to subside, and you wonder why you didn't do it long ago :) By the way, amazing Paula.. CYPRUS!!! You go girl xx

Magic
24-08-11, 17:10
Hi Horse,
Your post as made me very angry.How selfish people are,
Please get to a solicitor asap. Think of yourself more PLEASE
xxxxx:hugs::hugs:

Liliana83
24-08-11, 17:57
I would stop talking to both of them all together..

So, I take it that you both are still technically married? I would get divorced, asap....you need to find someone who truely appreciates you..and love you for who you are.

Horse
24-08-11, 22:30
Many thanks for your posts and comments.

Paula, I will endeavour to take your suggestions to heart! X