Richard99
24-08-11, 10:31
In 2006 everyone was alive, we were both earning good money and stable. My Mom died in 2006 which is when I had my first full-blown panic attack. This was followed by random anxieties manifesting such as a fear of the stairs at home (I subsequently fell down them and fractured three ribs) and elevated sections of motorways / driving in general. I've always had bouts of depression.
In 2008 I was made redundant and was out of work for a year managing to get a job in the civil service. Not a lot of money, but we had enough to get by on. Then the coalition came to power delivering the bonfire of the quango's and my partner lost her job end of last year.
In February I had secured a role back in my profession and had accepted it. It would have meant that I'd be working away for most of the week, but during my notice period, my partner was diagnosed with stage zero breast cancer meaning that she would need a mastectomy and rebuild. I had no choice but to turn the job down and stay where I was. The months leading to the operation were very difficult and I was put back onto antidepressants - I was the only person to give her daily support and I took the brunt of her anger (not physical) During that time I was approached by another company who made me an offer which I accepted. All in all, it had taken me three years to get this job. It wasn't what was agreed at the interview, and they terminated me last week.
My drinking is going through the roof, I was supposed to take a drive out with some friends but had to turn back because I could feel anxiety levels rising and I'm now finding it difficult to drive.
We are now both out of work with a large mortgage, I gave up a secure job which has blown up in my face and Im worried that we are going to lose the house. Its been one thing after another since 2006 and I've go to a point that I'm running out of will to carry on. I'm having to go to the toilet five plus times a day which has caused piles and it just seems that if something can happen to make my life more difficult, it invariably will. I know I can't end it with Valium, but 60mg to knock me out and a pipe on the car exhaust is becoming an ever attractive option.
In 2008 I was made redundant and was out of work for a year managing to get a job in the civil service. Not a lot of money, but we had enough to get by on. Then the coalition came to power delivering the bonfire of the quango's and my partner lost her job end of last year.
In February I had secured a role back in my profession and had accepted it. It would have meant that I'd be working away for most of the week, but during my notice period, my partner was diagnosed with stage zero breast cancer meaning that she would need a mastectomy and rebuild. I had no choice but to turn the job down and stay where I was. The months leading to the operation were very difficult and I was put back onto antidepressants - I was the only person to give her daily support and I took the brunt of her anger (not physical) During that time I was approached by another company who made me an offer which I accepted. All in all, it had taken me three years to get this job. It wasn't what was agreed at the interview, and they terminated me last week.
My drinking is going through the roof, I was supposed to take a drive out with some friends but had to turn back because I could feel anxiety levels rising and I'm now finding it difficult to drive.
We are now both out of work with a large mortgage, I gave up a secure job which has blown up in my face and Im worried that we are going to lose the house. Its been one thing after another since 2006 and I've go to a point that I'm running out of will to carry on. I'm having to go to the toilet five plus times a day which has caused piles and it just seems that if something can happen to make my life more difficult, it invariably will. I know I can't end it with Valium, but 60mg to knock me out and a pipe on the car exhaust is becoming an ever attractive option.