In big trouble with separation anxiety

[Eva May]

My 30th birthday is a few months away and it might as well be my 8th. Whenever my mum goes away overnight to somewhere I can't get to I immediately go into lock down until she comes back. I can function reasonably well during the day but when it comes to about 8pm I take my xanax and turn on the tv and park on the couch until 3am which is my safe time. She's coming home today after 3 nights away and I'm like a walking zombie due to lack of sleep and all the xanax in my system. Seriously this cannot go on, my whole life is based on what she's doing and I'm only happy when she's close by. Has anyone else had this and gotten over it?

[Velma66]

Hi Eva May
firstly I just want to say sorry you're feeling so bad.

I can totally relate to what your saying, I was exactly the same as you during the first few months of my anx/dep. I am 44 & felt like a 5 yr old, I couldn't bear to be apart from my Mum. I've lived with my husband for over 20 yrs but all I wanted was my Mum, when I was with her I even followed her to the loo! I eventually got past this, it took a long time & was very hard, to be honest, I don't remember how I overcame this cos that time in my life was a blur. I just want you to know you're not alone in feeling like this, I know other sufferers who have experienced this too but it will pass.
It is a symptom of anxiety

I am sorry I cannot offer u any advice, I hope some others from the site can offer help (this site is amazing!). So hang on in there, it will get easier

take care xx

[kibbutz83]

Hi Eva May, this is just not right! It's probable that your mother didn't deal very well with the whole childhood separation thing. I think maybe some psychotherapy would help you a great deal... It's tough, but it gives you your life back.. good luck x

[Tyke]

Hi Eva May

I have had spells of not wanting to be alone when my anxiety has been really bad. The only thing that seemed to help was managing to reduce my anxiety level generally through some of the usual suggestions - exercise, relaxation tapes/CDs, gradual exposure etc. When I conquered some fears it seemed to lessen others too.

Tyke :)

[Eva May]

Thanks guys. My CBT thinks it stems back to a small incident when I was a kid where I used to sleep with my light on. I was a very shy quiet child anyway and one night my parents went out and my babysitter switched off my light. So here I was lying in the dark completely unused to it and too afraid to switch it back on or say anything. I just lay there suffering wishing they would come home & I probably dreaded being left with anyone after that instead of deciding to speak up. My CBT thinks I might have become stunted right there.

[threekids]

Eva May, You could be my daughter. I am the parent of a 24 year old who is now living 1 hour away from me working as a nurse. When she was younger she experienced social anxiety as well as separation anxiety. She worries about losing me and panics if she can't get in touch with me, thinking something dreadful has happened to me. She is now living with a boyfriend because she has so much anxiety about living alone. It is almost as if she has to attach herself to someone. She gets extremely anxious about going out socially and needs someone to be with her. It used to be me and now it is him. I do not think this is a healty relationship nor did I think her excessive attachment to me was healthy. We have tried CBT throughout her preteen and teen years and also medication and that helped temporarily. I am hoping that someday she will actively pursue help for herself as i am her main support. ( I am actually on this site to get help for her and me) As I said she is with her boyfriend and it probably is not the best relationship. I have ordered Claire Weekes Book from Amazon for us because I have read on here that they are very effective. I also encourage her to join a yoga group and mindful thought group near where she lives. I will keep trying because after reading everyone's posts on here, I know that success can be achieved.

[Eva May]

Hi threekids. Your daughter does sound like me as I did attach myself to a boyfriend at one time as well and it was an unhealthy relationship but since that ended I've gone straight back to not being able to function without knowing my mum is close and that she's ok. I don't know how to get over it but I would be interested to read that Claire Weekes book if it helps you at all :)

[Dizzy_Dave]

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_8?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=claire+weekes&sprefix=claire+w

I have one of her books, I haven't read much of it yet, might try and find it again to read. I'm terrible when I'm on my own too, it's a real pain. Makes you feel as if you're weak.

[Eva May]

She's gone away this weekend too and I feel like the world is not real or something and my safety net has been taken away. I took 3 xanax last nite and I survived the nite but felt very weird think I might have taken too many. I did try and let it wash over me before I took the pills but it was like getting a smack in the face from a giant so I took the pills and hid in a haze for the nite :(

[Meewah]

Eva

Classic case of attachment and separation anxiety caused by spending all your time with one person. You need to build relationships with many people so you have a support network. I bet you could easily go a night without the drugs?? I used to lie in bed with radio 4 on as I could not sleep otherwise then I decided to mix with good people, don't waste time with people who make you feel bad, just the good ones. It will get easier but it takes time. I have always said that is why we become a nightmare when we reach puberty as this helps us being able to separate from our parents.lol. Problem is if we are not careful we can become dependant again so back to square one.

Mee

[Eva May]

Hey Meewah. Spent the first 8 years of my life, mostly just me and mum cos dad was always out working and then my sister was born. Developed pretty bad panic attacks then from about 12 and from then on stuck to her like glue. Transferred to my boyfriend at 18 but straight back to her a couple of years later and it hasn't gone away. I have 3 very very close friends who know about all of this but I couldn't have any of them near me on the nights when she's gone