How to say no

[littlemissshy]

I have always had difficulty saying no mostly because of the reaction of the person asking, I hate conflict and also I don't want to appear rude. Basically I'm anxious about what people will think.

So a colleague at work, (where I work part-time) told me he was looking for a cleaner for his eldery relative's home. He knows I have spare time and I have a one day cleaning job for extra money elsewhere. I said yes straight away without thinking, but after I got home I realised I'd made a mistake. The main reason being is I will be alone with his relative who is nearly 90, I'm not a carer and I have no experience and that's not what I'm looking for and I really wouldn't want that responsibility. Also because we work together I don't want it be uncomfortable if he takes it the wrong way when I say no.

So my point is how do I say no in a clear,polite but firm way? I know that he'll want to know why and then try to persuade me. But how do I stay firm and not waver?

[crystal17]

Would you take the job if it didn't involve caring or his elderly relative?

The reason I'm asking is perhaps you were keen to say yes because you would actually like it if it was *just* cleaning, whereas the thought of looking after a 90 year old is what makes you anxious (I wouldnt wanna do it either).

Have a think whether you would take the job if it was a straightforward cleaning job, if you would then ask your colleague to clarify what the job would involve. If he confirms that yes, its just cleaning then it is all good!

If however, he does want you to take part in bathing/cooking/general caring and entertaining the old person then just say to him "I didn't realise it would involve this and as I'm not trained your relative would benefit much more from being taken care of by a health professional".

If he takes offence to this then he that is his problem and you should try to let it go.

Good luck, hope this helps x

[Tyke]

Hi Littlemissshy

I'm a bit like this myself. Crystals advice above is good if it is the prospect of being a carer which is bothering you. If on the other hand the whole situation is awkward and you would prefer not to be involved at all I would think up a polite excuse. Say something like you are so sorry, but on thinking it through you realise it would be too much for you to take on because you have (something else) planned for your free time. This could be anything from another job, a hobby, a course commitment, a family responsibility, absolutely anything. It is YOUR time, YOU decide what you want to do with it! You don't have to actually do the thing you have used for your excuse, you have every right to change your mind about the new hobby or course you were planning! You just have to be polite about it so as not to cause offence or create any awkwardness at work.

Tyke :)

[Anxious_gal]

Hmm well what I do is that I don't say yes, so don't just say YES lol tell them you need to think about it first, or you need to check your calendar, or you have an upcoming dentist visit or family is coming to visit you for a few weeks......
Then later on text them or tell them in person you can't do it.
Note it does involve lying......

Or you could simply say No, when asked why just say because you do not want to it, if pressured then say I don't do things I don't want to do.
Kids are great for saying no and coming up with awesome reasons lol