Suffering since sons mishandled birth :(

[mummy2three]

Hi everyone,
Im new on here..
Over 5 years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful little boy after a very long mishandled labour and birth.
He required long resussitation at birth and subsequently now has cerebral palsy (brain damage) due to the lack of oxygen :weep:
I am still struggling to come to terms with this, I have flashbacks... and are scared to be alone with my children incase something horrific happens..
Im scared to go out alone (im always thinking of the worst possible thing that could happen) etc murdered/raped whilst walking the dog..
I always have this overwelming feeling in the pit of my stomach.. like when you were a child and your mum used to shout your name and you just knew you were in trouble..
I also get freaked out about all this awful stuff on the news about people hurting their children and worry non stop if i ever did something like that.. (even though I know I would never!!)
I just want my old life back :( Can somebody help me?xx

[macc noodle]

Hi mummy2three,
Welcome to NMP - I am sure you will find some help here :)

Have you seen your GP and told them how you are feeling? It sounds as if you need some help to first of all deal with the feelings associated with your son's birth and secondly to deal with the residual anxiety it has left you with that prevents you from leading a good life.

You will get over it in time with some good help and a lot of determination.

Macc Noodle

[mummy2three]

Thanks for the reply, totally fogot to mention that.
Yes Ive been to my gp and have been on/off meds since oscars birth..
I went 3 weeks ago and she changed my meds from citalopram 20mg to sertraline 50mg and also gave me propanol.
Ive had numerous appointments for counselling but cancel them as I cant bare to talk about it.. hence why Im on here..
x

[macc noodle]

Talking about it is an essential part of your recovery and until you are able to start that process, you will struggle to move forward.

The counsellors are excellent and will only make you go at your own speed - you really should re-consider trying it.

Macc Noodle
xx

[Jenny63]

Counselling is a brilliant way to come to terms with what you are suffering. Yes it is hard but the results are so worth it.

I do hope you pluck up the courage to go. I am glad I did:D

[mummy2three]

Thanks Guys, ill ring her tomorrow and see when I can be seen..
:) xx

[Jenny63]

:yesyes:

[panictomuch]

Been diagnosed eith anxiety by my gp and was put on meds!

I get the feelin of someone watchin me. I don't like goin out walkin (even though I do) on my own. Especially with my baby. Incase somethin happened. I always think pwople are out to get me. I'm scared of walkin past someone on a street with no ne round etc.

I didn't know about post traumatic stress until I was on a foruum and someone mentioned it relatin to my symptoms. I also had a horrible. Long birth with was ended with a c sectionn.. I used to talk about the birth a lot and even now I still try to henever I can! I don't get flashbacks as such. But I do replay what I can remember sometimes.

I regret what happened so much! I just think why has this happeneded? Why didn't I still to my plab? Why didn't I take control? Stick up for myself? I could of changed what happened!! What if I didn't take the pain killers? Etc etc ...

I tried to breast feed too but I have that exhauseted and out of it I tried and had to give up in the end. Baby wouldn't latch. I heard her belly rumbllin and just had to give her a bottle!!

My labour was 3 days long. I was took into hospital on thje wednesday with stuff in my blood. I was indued on thurday and finally gave birth saturday! I had no food or sleep so that didn't help atal!

I feel dizzy all the time. Tired. Get random feelin of just bein fed up. Feelin sorry for my baby for some reason. Sick. Palpitations. Distorted. Weird.not me. Like I'm watchin myself. Just really worryin over EVERYTHIN!!

I've not mentioned it to my doctor as I'm waiting for my appointment with a therapist. So I'm guna wait to see what therapy I get fiorst then see if it helps and then if not mention it but I'm scared to talk. Embarassed. Feel silly. Like a idiot.

Anyone else feel this?

[dorothy1983]

The Birth Trauma Association are a charity dedicated to helping women (and their partners) who are suffering due to traumatic pregnancies or deliveries, it may be an idea to look them up online.
Also, its still not too late to contact the head of midwifery at the hospital in which you gave birth, and ask for a debriefing session. I know it seems extremely daunting, but it really does help you understand the whys and wherefores, and may allow you to get a small degree of closure on the traumatic delivery and what happened afterwards. Many hospitals have a midwife dedicated to debriefing women after a traumatic delivery, and are happy to do this with your medical notes in your home if you wish to allow you to ask all the questions you need in a relaxed and unhurried manner. She will be trained in working with women suffering PTSD and related symptoms after delivery. It may allow you to get a little closure and aid with your recovery from it.