View Full Version : What is your ROOT PROBLEM?
Piscian Daydreamer
12-05-06, 20:11
Okay, so we all suffer from anxiety and some of us depression. However, i honestly believe that deep inside each of us lies a root problem.... something which is the trigger for all of our anxiety.... something that perhaps has been with us for a very long time and we have been unable to change it.
I honestly believe, that if we solved this root problem, them we would no longer have anxiety, but i may be wrong, perhaps we are just anxious for no reason at all, genetics?
I was just wandering out of interest, what are your root problems? Dare to share?
I'll go first:
MY ROOT PROBLEM IS - insecurity from a lack of success with girls and still being a virgin.
yours???
my dads heart attack 12 years ago definitely triggered something. however i have talked about the root of it for years, and i dont see that this will end it for me. i feel i have to retrain my negative thoughts and learn to let go and really just live
anyone have the secret to doing just that, ill give them all the money i have in the world.lol
jackie
april tones
12-05-06, 22:32
Hi!!
thats a brave thing to admit! nothing to be ashamed of tho as 19 is still young!
Are you shy with women/girls?
Im not sure about mine to be honest. I have always been a worrier, it got worse when i was very ill 5 yrs ago after taking illegael drugs and o.d.
Thats where it stems from with worrying about feeling out of control
My dad has same things as me like depression and i can see my self like him. But i get help,talk about it and look into it so i know whats wrong x
fibrochat) http://apriltones.proboards54.com
There is a theory/suggestion made by some of the experts that the real underlying 'root cause' of both anxiety/panic attacks and depesssion are the same:
A way to avoid dealing with and living in our own lives and struggles.
A 'Protection' if you will.
Of course, we all know these things dont exactly work very well but they do 'work'.
We avoid situations, we protect ourselves and we are constantly minimising our exposure to new things, places and people.
But yeah, I think you are onto something when you suggest its ultimately 'insecurity' and it really is something we are doing.
we are the 'root cause' if you want to get down to it.
Its not 'girls themselves'
Its not 'social gatherings' themselves.
It the insecurity you have inside you.
But yea.. If you are 19 then feel free to give yourself a break and relax about that.
Most of us men dont even start finding our 'secure place' in the scheme of these things until we are around 23.
Further more... there are plenty of men who stay virgins welllll into their 20s
You dont think that but its more true than we know.
april tones
13-05-06, 00:24
I too believe in the protection thing!! x
fibrochat) http://apriltones.proboards54.com
hi mine was after death of child, and then nearly losing another...shes fine and that was 16 years ago but fear of losing anyone not afraid of my own death just anyone i love ...i know the reason just cant get rid of anxiety,,,,
jools xx
Hi mine started after i was raped, this is why i hate the summer so much (thats when it happened) for some reason it make me feel so out of control. but i have come such a long way this year so now the summer is her it will be a bit of a tester.
Love and Light
Sam x
Not sure really - I've always been a worrier and lack confidence - I think it was stress of work and poor lifestyle that set me off!
Love Helen
Hi,
mine was a combination of events when I was between 19 and 21 years old. In order: the suicide of my step-father, the birth of my son and the suicide of my partner/son's father all within 23 months.
That was DEFINITELY the trigger.
Shiv x
Hi
mine was 20 years ago when, after having a very unhappy childhood and feeling a failure - suddenly falling in love and being told I was a wonderful person - this kick started panic attacks - or this is what my therapist told me.
As for the recurrence of PAs which started a few months ago - cant think of anything except I am overweight and feel I havent fulfilled myself as the kids have grown up now and my other half thinks I should do more as I am more than capable!! This I think puts pressure on me to be slim and to ahieve more goals - I dont want goals but I do want to be slim!! Wenjoy
Here is a question I would like to ask of you folks as well as myself:
Is it possible that we are having panic attacks/anxiety simply because we do - and not by a 'cause event' at all.
The reason Im asking is because there are highly successful people, doing what they love (example maybe Donny Osmond) but alse have these.
Others have this situation but we naturally look for an event to say 'this caused it'.
Others have many traumatic events but will never develop panic attacks.
In other words, is it a situation where we found the two or three 'last worst things' that happened in our lives before getting more anxious and then we say 'well thats what caused it'?
Im not explaining this well but does anyone see what Im getting at here?
scoobygirl2005
13-05-06, 14:42
Thats nothing to be ashamed of so don't worry about that. I am not sure what my root problem is to be honest, I just generally worry all the time! But my ocd adds to that. I think if things have happened in the past and you are very stressed that can cause all this anxiety and in my case I think that is what has happened. I have had things happen in the past that I still remember and its not that nice, would rather not discuss it out loud on here, but anyway I am pretty sure thats part of what my root problem is. Its so hard to get over anxiety though, especially when you have ocd aswell because well ocd is anxiety in a way anyway because e.g. when I have to lets say check the door handle about 20 times if I didn't do it then I would worry all day. Worrying is like a non stop thing and its not good to do but its hard to fight. Have you been on any medication? Also do you have any good tips on how to calm down your worrying? As we all have different ideas. Keep smiling.
Scooby2005
x x
hi
in reply to jayk before my daughter (3nd one ) nearly died had never had pa never nervous had lots of confidence (still do) around people pa hit me like a brick the night she went into hospital and havent been able to get rid of them since ...so because i never had any signs of it before that i can only believe it was that now i just have constant fear of pa i wake up dreading a pa...but i do understand that some people may be pe disposed to it but i think foe others it just comes...to be honest i think if nyone really knew then they would be able to cure it ...my belief is that for whatever reason your brain chemistry goes out of balance but the scientists still only understand how a small portion of the brain works..this is only what i believe and i know that doesnt help anyone ..i wish i had the cure for us all....Could i just add that i read if you are begining to feel a pa chew some gum as your body will think it is about to get food and it wont be able to go into panic mode and get ready for food ..i read on another post ive started doing this and it has worked so good luck all xxxxx
jools xx
According to a therapist I went to. It all stems from one time my mother and dad went out, and left me on my own, I must have been about 10 or 11 at the time. It was in the day time so I didn't feel too bad but when they hadn't arrived home by 11.30. I was in a bit of a state. I can remember standing in the bay window looking for them coming home. I remember vividly the gold coloured curtains even now. Anyway they did get home safe and sound and my mother couldn't understand what the fuss was about.
Now I like to know where my husband is at all times. I am fine when he goes to work, and when he plays the odd game of golf he takes the phone with him, and I have never once had to phone him. Although my daughter doesn't live at home anymore, when she goes on holiday I feel uneasy for the first few days.
In my mind I still sometimes see that little girl standing in the bay window behind those gold coloured curtains wondering where her mother and dad were.
I am sure if I could get it out of my mind that nothing is going to happen to me while my husband is out I will have cracked it !!!!
Jenny xxxxxxxxx
I strongly belive to dig all the past traumas the only solution is Hypnossis or long Psychotherapy.
I am Polish living in London and i have found Hypntherapist who can help me,has been doing it for 16yrs,and is recognized as the best in Poland and exactly in Wroclaw.
leanne1980
06-07-06, 07:35
hi,
mine definatly started when i went in2 premature labour with twins at24 weeks, i think the shock did something to me, they died shortly after birth, then from the c section i developed a blood clot in my leg, i went to the drs the day i first felt the pain and he said it was nothing just maybe depression etc, this went on fo 1 whole month me to and fro the drs surgery, i sat in there crying saying i had been coughing up blood and my chest hurt, he just said it coz im a smoker (not now by the way i gave up 2 years ago) then 1 day it felt so bad i just went to the dr and he sent me straight to A & E i had a clot, i really think if he had believed me at first i would never be like this now ,it was that month of agonising pain in my leg.,and the drs and family keeping on telling me im fine and actually getting annoyed with me,
that is definatly my problem, that was 3 years ago though i really wanna get over it but its so hard.
leanne xx
I was abused by a family member when i was about 4 yrs old.
I was then controlled by my exboyfriend, not let out, told what to wear ect.
"Why does life turn you upside down and inside out then back round again"
Hi SpaceCadet
I know how you feel there!!! x Mine was my grandad!!
"Why does life turn you upside down and inside out then back round again"
[quote]Hi Obessive,
(((hugs)))
I have dealt with my lack of childhood,grieved I 'spose you can say although it still rears its ugly head now and again and I just allow myself to cry again over the fact I was stripped of innocence and someone stole my childhood years.
Just remember Obessive ,You are a SURVIVOR and not a victim!
Take Care Hun,
Lucy xx
Hi Lucy
We are both survivors and so is anyone else who has been through this kind of thing, it makes you stronger once you have dealt with it, which hopefully i will be doing soon!!!! I dont cry over it as i think that he wasnt worth it!!!!
Glad to see your dealing with things.
Claire. x
"Why does life turn you upside down and inside out then back round again"
Wow some of you have been through a lot! Big up to you all for being such survivors xxx
My anxiety took over before and during ICSI (IVF) treatment. My hubby has a genetic condition which means he can't have kids naturally and he gets all the sympathy, folk forget it's OUR problem and not just his.
I smoked cannabis for years too, daily - I imagine that hasn't helped the anxiety.
I would never have put having a recreational smoke as making anxiety worse, but then i suppose it can do..... your right that people should remeber that its two of you going through the problems not just him. Hugs to you. xx
"Why does life turn you upside down and inside out then back round again"
W.I.F.T.S.
06-07-06, 13:08
Daydreamer> lack of confidence, lack of success with girls. I think that that is the superficial problem. I was a virgin til I was 22 because I was 'scared' to talk to girls. I was scared of rejection and humiliation. I was scared that they'd know that I was a virgin and tell everyone or that they'd think that I wasn't very well endowed.
Sleeping with girls might give you a bit of a boost, but it will only paper over the cracks of your fragile ego.
Look at Robbie Williams, he appears to be confident and he's slept with a lot of girls, but underneath it all he's a bag of nerves.
I was always very tense generally, but especially around girls. I froze up. It was something that I wanted so badly and it was unobtainable to me, so I became frustrated and depressed (not very attractive qualities).
I know what it's like with all the peer group pressure. I bet though, that girls have come on to you, but that you've knocked them back because you didn't think they were good enough or just out of sheer panic- "if they fancy me there must be something wrong with them!?"
My advice would be to proactively relax and to take up activities that you enjoy, that way you will see your abilities and therefore your confidence improve.
If you get rejected 'So what?', the lads that are the most succesful with girls probably talk to a lot of girls, it's a law of averages thing. Just relax and be yourself.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
I feel that my 'root' problem came about by stress and as someone else has already mentioned, poor lifestyle., eg., eating the wrong things, smoking, being inactive etc. However, I believe that there are certain people who are prone to anxiety just as there are people who are prone to other ailments eg, diabetics have blood sugar issues, we have 'unexpected adrenalin highs' (give yourself permission to be anxious!!!)
Been having a think about this one and don't really know what my root problem is. I remember worrying about certain things as a child and the worry just continued into adulthood. I can't think where my health anxiety came from either. I wish I knew what the trigger was and then maybe I could try and do something about it.
I don't know what sent me over the top but i have had several bad things happen in my life. My mum died of cancer when i was 10 and they say time heals but i miss her more and more. I was raped when i was 14 by my best friends older boyfriend. I have lost 3 babies with miscarriages and i had a ectopic pregnancy in 1997 and i nearly died. I am a very sensitive person anyway and i care about my family so much. I do think the past catches up with you if you don't deal with your problems there and then. You can run but you can't hide they will catch up with you in the end.
Carol x
If you have peace of mind you have everything
This is such an interesting thread. Do you have any idea if you have a root cause of your anxiety?
It would be so interesting if as many people as possible answered, either yes I think the root cause is........whatever. Or I've no idea if theres a root cause at all.
Its made me think that my root cause is a feeling of insecurity. I've no idea if anything in the past gave me this, or its just "natural" for me!
I do think I know for sure that this is what brought on the anxiety this time and looking back its been the cause when its reared up before.
Hope you'll be able to share your thoughts with us.
When I was in my teen and early twenties I always believed that if I could find the 'root' cause for my anxiety and depression, then I would be 'cured'. I now don't believe this at all, years of psychotherapy where I analysed my childhood and young adulthood have provided me with many possible 'root' causes of my problems but certainly haven't made any difference to my problems. The psychotherapy was very well worthwhile and I would still see a psychotherapist if I could afford it.
My possible root causes are that when I was about 5 I was in town shopping with my parents and siblings. Somehow I got separated from my family and got lost. I remember standing in the street crying my heart out as I believed my parents were 'gone' and I was alone and vulnerble. Eventually two women stopped and asked me what my mother looked like and they reassured me they would find her. My parents and siblings appeared after a while but, as far as I can remember, I just got a telling off for 'wandering away' from them. If I ever see a child 'lost' in a shopping centre etc now it literally breaks my hear in two and I feel like killing the parent or whoever was in charge of the child.
Also my eldest brother had schizophrenia since I was 9 years old and I was terrified of him because he was aggressive and violent and there was never one minutes peace in our home since he was discharged from the psychiatric hospital. He also got all the attention from my parents.
The thing is that these same experiences could have happened to a hundred other people and they might not have developed any psychiatric problems from them. So I do think individual personalites are more important in finding 'root' causes that actual bad experiences etc are.
This is a FASCINATING thread! You always think no one else has the problems you do, and then reading what others have survived puts things into such perspective!
I agree with a lot of the things I have read here... Specifically, I do think that there can be triggers or events that jump-start a person's anxieties... But I also agree with those of you who have said that personality or genetics or societal influences may also have something to do with it.
As for me, I remember having anxiety and OCD tendencies since I was in elementary school. I had a very loving famiy, a comfortable, safe home and life, and great sisters, so really no reason for anxiety. I was the middle child, though, and was always the worry wart... Don't know why. I was shy and did not have a lot of confidence.
As i got older, I had periods of anxiety followed by periods of being fine. I was doing well, though, in general.
Then my mom got sick with cancer... She suffered for a year and then passed away :weep: We were all incredibly close as a family and mom was the center. It really was devastating... And like Carol said, time does not make it easier.
Since then, my health anxiety (which I did have before) came back... All sorts of cancer fears - not made easier by having cervical pre-cancerous changes (which were found and treated, thank goodness!)
Dad has always had serious heart issues, too, which has been a big worry as well.
I think I just worry more than your average person...
One good thing about our types of personalities... With such feeling and intensity of emotions comes great passion... We feel things deeply, and this makes us more passionate, empathetic, more sensitive, etc. Not a bad thing :)
You are all amazing for coping with anxiety and life at the same time!
Lola
I think it is something to do with our personalities also. There are people who are totally unaffected by anxiety or panic, the direct opposite of ourselves, my partner is like that. I don't think it has to be something thats happened in our past that sets it off or starts a pattern but I guess it could be, but only if your personality is predisposed that way maybe?
ailsajayne26
03-04-07, 12:57
I've always been anxiuos... the worrier of the family.. used to cry a lot if my parents or bro were late or whatever... always convinced they'd been hurt... I think this might be genetic cos my granda was a bit like this apparently!!
Since then my major periods of anxiety where its kinda taken over my life would be when I've been lonely or felt not in control... mainly lonely.. start of secondary school, start of uni... living away from home recently.. even tho I'd been away for years... my best mate moved to Turkey and I realised how many of my friends were work mates (who were aklways moving on or away atweekends.) My lonleiness kinda came from that!! Now my anxiewty is rooted in the fact I've been told I have GAD.... so obviously am always scared I'll feel that horrible feeling in my chest and set of the chain reaction!! Reckon I just need to let go and relax!!!!
ummm
dont know if it really caused it but after my parents split my panic attacks started but i think i was always very insecure and unhappy as a child. my mum was always depressed and it showed so maybe tis a conditioning thing.
ive got low self esteem and self worth issues anyway but dontk now if its a symptom or a cause
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