Me & Husband Splitting Up

[hazy]

Hi,

Having been on Citalopram for a couple of years now I pretty much feel normal again, whatever that feels like but me and my husband are splitting up, in fact he moves out tomorrow. I instigated the split having endured almost 17 years of verbal and mental, emotional abuse its been hard but is something I am relieved that has happened. My fear now is that I am going to start getting panic attacks again, I am already feeling anxious and out of sorts which I know is to be expected but dredding feeling like hell again. I have actually come to the conclusion that when my panic attacks started it was actually a nervous breakdown as opposed to a panic attack from the minute I got up to the minute I went to bed? The panic attacks were just occurring on and off throughout the day, I just want to be able to hold it together, can anyone give me a little moral support x

[eternally optimistic]

Hi Hazy

I am soooo sorry you are splitting up with your husband but, for your health it is probably a good thing - dare I say it.

A close friend has gone through separation and it has been a really hard for them, many many different emotions.

Have you thought about speaking with your doctor again to discuss your feelings - they may have some good suggestions.

Relate might help you with emotional support.. ??

It's a bad time, but you WILL pull through this...

I wish you lots of luck for the coming future - dont forget to post here regularly to get some great support from your "friends".

Take care,.

[Gemma T]

A massive congratulations for leaving him. Its horrible that he put you through all that.

Now youve left him youve also seen the effects he had on you.

Now hes gone you can get to know you again and take care of number of one. I mean your no good to anyone if your not ok. None of us are.

Dont think of this as a difficult time but the beginning of the rest of your life. Your so strong and you dont even know it. Embrace it, dont look to the past and live the rest of your life for you.

Your strength is an inspiration to those who dont feel they can walk away

Love Gem x x x

[saffy f]

You've just been through some tough stuff, leaving an abusive partner. That took courage - probably courage you didn't know you possessed.
I was in a similar situation once.I had all confidence knocked out of me when living with my ex.The anticipation of leaving and taking my small children and setting up again on our own was actually worse than the reality.it was the best thing I ever did.
I think it's important not to set your self to high a goal,by that I mean do everything at your own pace don't feel that you have to rush out and start partying just to prove to everyone else your ok.
I was happy to sit in my new home with my boys and not wait for him to come home and start an argument.bliss.
Do you have friends and family near by you can talk to..
I am sure once the break has happened and you have had time to adjust and settle into your new routine you will be happy and feel completely secure.
Good luck and take care
S xx

[hazy]

What kind replies, thank you you are so right.

I have 2 boys aged 6 and 10 and my eldest was excited when we told them we were splitting up which speaks volumes. My OH is a soldier and we live in an army house so they allow me and the kids 93 days to move out, thankfully I have a good family who are going to help me and the kids move back near them. I am off to the benefits agency tomorrow so I am hoping I will walk away knowing exactly how much I am entitled to. I feel weird, really can't wait to see the back of him and he seems excited in some ways to be away from squabbling kids and to be able to have more of his wages than I do. I could drone on about all the bad things and believe there have been a few but I won't, I can't begin to tell you how long it has taken me to reach this point. I don't think it has sunk in for him yet and he suggested visiting the boys this weekend and staying over, in our bed, unreal I couldn't believe he even suggested it!! I am going to force myself to have a positve mental attitude, I have an appointment with the Doctors this week so will mention to him and see what is suggested. Thanks for your support, I so need it right now, we moved into our current house in the UK from Germany on 1st July this year and so I have no friends in the area yet and being very social its quite hard not having friends close by to support me . Thanks again xx

[Gemma T]

You will make friends on here. People arrange meetings in different areas and you may find you grow close to someone here and make a friend for life.

Your two boys make it worth while.

I smiled when I read your last message because you seem so excited about your future. Im really happy for you and have no doubts that you wont come out on top.

And about sleeping in the same bed! Well I probably cant say what I think of that stupid suggestion. Just know I would like to swear alot lol. Tell him he aint got a shot in hell!

Your going to meet a real man. Someone who values you and your boys. Who will move hell and earth for you.

Love Gem x x x

[paula lynne]

You deserve better, Im sure things will be much rosier in your future when you havent got to deal with abuse in some form or another everyday. Its a big change, but you can and will get through it. It takes courage what youve done. Keep posting here, Im sure the abuse has contributed massively to your anxiety.....talk to us, we are here for you.

I bet youre going to feel like a new woman in a few monthes, heres to the future! :yesyes:
Paula x

[Jenny63]

Hi Hazy

Well done on making the decision to leave. Been there and endured and got out twice :wacko: Was divorced just his year aged 65 and am struggling still but getting there.

I can assure you that you will feel so much better when all is done and dusted. Just stay strong, focus on a new life and you will be amazed how good you will feel.

You sound as if you are doing all the right things so good luck and will keep checking on your progress

Take care:flowers:

[saffy f]

you have a good positive attitude and I'm sure you will be fine because of this.
This group will offer you the support you need
Feel free to pm me if ever you need a chat
S x

[london]

turn the freezer off when you leave him that will teach him
god bless

[hazy]

Lol London, I would do much worse if I was leaving him, he is leaving me and moving into the mess and is doing my head in, this time tomorrow I will be on my own, can't wait. When I put the kids to bed earlier my eldest said he was going to be sad when Dad goes, despite the times his Dad has sworn at him and been mean but I suppose he is there Dad and they know nothing else, just hope it goes smoothly and not heart renching. My husband is taking the car until Saturday and will drive over and take the kids out then I have to drive him back to the mess, this worries me as I think it could set the kids off crying and carrying on, I am trying to think of an alternative to the sad farewell. :unsure:

[Tyke]

Hi Hazy

Could you get someone to look after the kids for a bit while you drive Dad back to the mess?

Best of luck with your new life by the way. From what you have said about your ex partner, you will be a lot better off without him in the long run!

Tyke :)

[scaredstiff695]

Hi chick
Well done for leaving give yourself s break what you have just done is huge your going to feel emotional but re
Ins yourself that it's normal with what you are going through and doesn't mean anything regarding your panic attacks.

I'm forces too where sbouts are you? X

[Ddcoo]

My ex husband was a soldier and on a practical note can I mention that the Army Welfare and also SAFFA will be able to help and advise you on all things relating to your split up and well worth contacting them.

I wish you everything good in your new found freedom and will be thinking about you:yesyes:

[Dredwing]

Hazy,

Firstly it's a brave and tough thing you're doing. You're a strong and admirable person for doing what you are doing. God knows its hard though, I'm possibly about to go through somerthing similar myself and with children involved it's really, really hard.

But it sounds like you are doing just the right thing. There is loads and loads of support around these days, on forums like this, Relate, friends and family - all out there to try and make it easier. I find that is a wonderful thing.

I'm pretty new to this forum but already I can tell there are some wonderful empathetic people around who understand what you're going through and want to help where they can.

Hugs to you and good luck.

i@n

[Deepest Blue]

having endured almost 17 years of verbal and mental, emotional abuse its been hard

Hi ya Hazy,

Having gone through a similiar experience myself, I can only say that you've done the absolute right thing, nobody deserves to endure any type of abuse and it clearly shows that the issue is with them to be able to even contemplate inflicting this type of behaviour especially upon a loved one. I thought partners were supposed to be loving, understanding and supportive :(

Just think of this a new start, a new life and a life free from feeling bound by the past.

Take care of you for me. :hugs:

[Lion King]

Good Luck with your future, be strong you've made a massive step so feel proud!!!!

Tell him where to go if he thinks he can share your bed!

All the best x

[suzy-sue]

I would just like to say I agree with what the other posters have said .Well done hun ..Lifes too short to drink bad wine ...I found after the intial period of feeling upset .I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders .You will feel like a completely new woman given time .It will help with you anxiety levels and panic .Living with someone like that really takes its toll on your nervous system .Id also like to say SSAFA are extreemly helpful and will offer financial support if you need it ,to get you on your feet .Look ahead of you and dont look back .May you find love a true happiness one day .Its the least you deserve .Take good care of yourselfSue x:hugs:

[Yorkman]

I hope you are ok, it sounds like the right thing go do. Youve put up with a lot for a long time and I'm sure you will be fine! You may have had a breakdown? As you sound similar to me in some ways. Have you seen the doctor for medication to help?
I'm considering splitting up too. I've had naff all support , it would be nice to have some support and understanding at my end but I've had to cope on my own! Shit really as I know how I would treat someone if the roles were reversed.
Plus if I had support here I'm sure it would have helped massively. The more I think about it the more I think "what am I wasting my time with you for" ??

Anyway enough on me, you are very brave!

[hazy]

Feeling rough :weep:

Considering I have wanted out of this marriage for years the last few days I have felt very panicky and I am worried that my panic attacks are going to return with a vengence. At the moment I have an ache between my shoulder blades and I am worrying I am having heart problems, ridiculous I know. I don't regret anything I have done with regards to my husband except having not done it sooner. The kids don't even seem to have noticed there Dad not being around, what does that tell you?
Just feel low and a bit lonely, I have only lived in this house since 1st July and so I haven't made any real friends, my family care but no-one has come to see me yet. Just on a downer

[Jenny63]

Hazy I feel just the same. Struggling and feeling lonely. Trying my hardest to do things to occupy my time now I am retired. Would help a lot if I never had constant bad pains in my head. Sure its just anxiety but its very draining.

I never wanted to leave my ex but had to because he was making me ill with his behaviour. I still love him after two years of being apart. Now I am on my own and hate it but I just have to get over it and start to live again somehow and so do you.

Hope you feel better soon and things brighten up:hugs: