Hello I'm a medical student with anxiety...! :-)

[blondinou]

Hello everyone.

I thought I would introduce myself because I am a final year medical student suffering with anxiety - particularly health anxiety. Perk of the job haha. I will be a doctor in one year with any luck. I hope I can provide a different perspective, as I have (hopefully!) a little knowledge about both mental and physical illness as well as experience of anxiety myself.

I’ve had anxiety for 3 months now in the current form, but I now recognise I’ve had it on and off for years (ouch that is disappointing to admit). I have a mixture of two things which I call ‘panic attack’ and ‘anxiety’.

‘Panic attack’ for me is a short episode of absolute fear, dread and panic where nearly all rational thought goes OUT the window!!! These are really hard to deal with and I feel like I’m going to die or there will be some disastrous outcome like going permanently insane or ending up in A&E collapsed. There’s not much I can do except ride it out.

‘Anxiety’ for me is a low-level tense, fearful feeling. It goes up and down, and sometimes it feels like I’m on the brink of panic and I will tip over if I let myself. Other times I can talk myself out of it and comfort myself back into the real world. It’s often with this disconnected feeling that I’m not engaging with real life like everyone else is.

I loved the 'The Battle That Rages In My Head' post by SFAOK about Mr Positive and Mr Negative because that it exactly what goes on in my head too, and it really helped me to read it. So I thought I would leave my version of it so others can hopefully identify with it.

I feel a bit weird... What does this symptom mean… Now I’m concentrating on it and it’s feeling worse and starting to feel out of control… There must be something wrong with me, something awful, ______ [fill in the blank with heart problem/cancer/etc], what if it's about to make me seriously ill? I need to see a doctor quickly, or phone 999 or my boyfriend, or go outside to where there are people around or something, I need to make sure someone would know I'm ill in case I collapse and die and they find me when it's too late... I better search Google for the symptoms and see what comes up...
Or maybe I'm just going mad, nothing feels real any more, I'm not connected to the world or other people or anything, I'm alone in this cos no-one else understands how this feels... I'm going to be anxious and panicky for the rest of my life and I won't enjoy anything or be able to function... My boyfriend will get fed up and leave me… My family will stop listening to me and taking me seriously… I'll end up in a psychiatric hospital if this gets any worse

So that was Miss Negative. I’m working on Miss Positive haha…

Symptoms I have had with anxiety...
- Lightheadedness
- Chest pressure / crushing / weird indescribable sensations
- Thumping heart like it is about to leap out my chest or explode!
- Racing heart, seems faster and faster like a runaway train (very very scary)
- Tightness in throat, feeling of airway constricted
- Breathlessness
- Vague feeling of about to pass out / lose consciousness
- Pain/ache and tingling down arms
- Pressure in head
- Feelings that I am going mad
- Sheer panic, dread, terrified that something is about to go wrong, that I am in mortal danger
(The phrase medical people like to use is ‘feelings of impending doom’!! Great)
- Pre-occupation with thoughts of death (mine or a loved one), life is too short etc

Diagnoses I have given myself…
- Fatal arrhythmia e.g. Wolff Parkinson White, long QT syndrome (due to palpitations)
- Lymphoma (cancer, due to lumps in neck)
- Heart attack/myocardial infarction (due to chest pain and suffocating feelings)
- Pulmonary embolism - this is a clot on the lung (due to breathlessness)
- Deep vein thrombosis – DVT, clot in leg (due to slight redness and warmth on leg)
- Schizophrenia prodrome (this means the year-ish before schizophrenia where you just feel weird)
- Phaeochromocytoma (rare tumour of the adrenal glands)
- Marfans / Ehlers Danlos syndrome (rare connective tissue problems)
- Brain tumour (due to blurred vision)
As you can see being a medical student I have come up with weird and wonderful diagnoses that I have read about, as well as the standard ones. Needless to say none of them have come true, and all were based on vague symptoms, or just one or two of the list of possible symptoms for each one. Nearly all of them I have moved on from once I finally reassure myself I don’t have that disease.

For example I went to the GP several times about possible lymphoma before I could convince myself that the lumps in my neck were just raised lymph nodes (glands) due to previously bad acne, they can stay enlarged and calcified (hard) after infections like this.

I am going to counselling in two days (finally, long waiting list). I really want to work on this and get better. Anyone got any tips about counselling / making the most of attempting to get rid of this big scary monster that lives under my bed?!

I hope reading about my experiences helps someone. If you have any questions or comments please post back.
Thank you :D

[diane07]

Hi blondinou

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Gemma T]

Hi

You may regret admitting that. Im sure there are loads of us who will be picking your brain.

Feel free to read my latest posts on my concussion. Would be nice to cancel my docs appointment tomo and I would really appreciate your input.

My gp told me health anx is common amongst medical students. Im sure your exp will make you a great and understanding gp.

You will make loads of friends and get the support you need. There are so many of us who understand and have experienced you worries.

I hope you can benefit from this site as I have. I started CBT recently, i had it in the past but some oral probs knocked me back to square one.

If you ever need to talk feel free to private message me

Take care

Gemma x x x

[blondinou]

Hello Gemma!

Haha yep I may well regret it! Doctors always say to me "never mention you're a doctor, people will always ask you about their health, you'll never get a break from it!" But I guess I want to try and describe my medical experience of it as well as a personal one. And it's all a good learning experience for me. I'm new to forums so I'm not sure how to find your posts on concussion but I will certainly take a look if I can! Although I would want everyone to remember I'm not a doctor yet so take my advice with a bit of your own sense too, and that classic disclaimer 'always see your own doctor if you're at all concerned' :yesyes:

Thank you I hope I can help my future anxious patients with my own experiences :-)

So how have you found CBT so far?

[swgrl09]

I am not a medical professional (and don't wish I was, I'd scare myself so much!) but I am a social worker working with the elderly. My clients are all very open about all of their medical conditions, and when I started working this made my health anxiety (which already existed) even worse. I have seen some success in getting counseling. My counselor, also, told me that this problem is very common with medical students! Anyway although I still have pretty bad health anxiety, my counselor has helped me to not absorb what my clients tell me about their health and project it onto my own symptoms. I at least can build a wall between their problems and my own! I wish you luck!

[Vanilla Sky]

Hi blondinou ,

Welcome to NMP :welcome:

You may well regret mentioning the doctor bit lol . People have to remember you are a sufferer yourself , so dont get bogged down with feeling you have to give advice , We all have our own doctors for that :)

I hope you find it helpful here

Paige x

[Gemma T]

You wont regret cbt. It worked for me and it will work for me again. I think its easy to get lost and once your lost you stay there. For me i began cbt the first time because i couldnt cope anymore with the constant worrying. My health anx was general back then. I was so over the place. Its oral focused this time round subject to my concussion blip. I was so excited to start cbt again as i got through it last time.

If you want to look a posts by a person you select that persons name and you go to their profile, then select statistics and you can choose posts by them and threads started by them. You can also subscribe to a thread so you will be notified when new messages are added to something you are interested in. You will find this in thread tools at the top of any thread.

If you need anymore navigational help or just want to chat please message me x x x

[venusbluejeans]

Hiya and welcome to NMP I hope you find the help and advice here and maybe make a few friends in the process

:welcome:

[nok_tok]

welcome, this forum is great! a lifesaver, sorry to hear about your suffering, it is interesting to hear you are a medical student with health anxiety.

you know when i first started suffering with anxiety & panic, i was in a terrible state, i went to my gp and i was shaking, i could barely talk, i didnt know what was happening to me, my gp laughed at me! and pescribed me anti-depressants (which just made me feel suicidal). it made me understand that maybe there is not much help out there for people in our situation, i managed to change g.p surgery and after finding this forum i realised there IS help out there, just a lack of understanding from some people, i hope you find this site helpful, there are some lovely people here that have helped me see all the positive sides.



x x kate

[blondinou]

Thank you Kate, yes I decided to join because it seemed like people are giving each other lots of support and it's a relief to find people that feel the same as you.

I felt the same as you when I first started experiencing panic - didn't have a clue what was wrong with me! Not nice was it!!

I agree with you about doctors - if any of you find that your GP doesn't acknowledge your anxiety problem, there are GPs out there who have more understanding! I've certainly found that with my GP surgery.

Also thank you Paige and venusbluejeans for your welcome :)

[Abby1]

Hi there blondinou,
Welcome to NMP,
I feel exactly as you have described,especially the 'Miss Negative' bit,just the same as myself....
The Health Anxiety is dreadful isnt it,mine is the fear of devoloping Schizophrenia (ive never heard of Schizophrenic Prodrome before-eek!).
I hope you are finding it helpful on this site,there are lots of lovely supportive people on here.
Take care

[GordonW]

I hope you get good counselling. Seeing the number of people 'here' surprised me somewhat, in that the medical profession's knowledge and 'treatment' of anxiety doesn't seem to have advanced, generally.

I was sent for tests at Chalfont epilesy centre in 1970something, St. Bernards psychiatric unit ( for two weeks 'appraisal' ) in the late 70's, counselling at Heatherwood day centre ( Ascot ) in the early 80's and I paid for group therapy at the Cardinal Clinic ( Windsor ) in 1989. I didn't get mended, but I learned a few things, not least that if you haven't experienced it, you can't understand it.

My own 'diagnosis' : Moved from Kingston ( Surrey ) to Berkshire aged 10. Difficult for a skinny 10 year old to make new friends / be accepted. Not helped by critical ( put you down ) parents. Major lack of confidence / self esteem. Vivid dreams/nightmares of being trapped in a 'maze' ( in my case warehouse type building ). From age 11-ish experiencing 'Alice - eat me, drink me' sensation ( room getting smaller ) - understood about 'out of body' years later. Medical, psychiatric, people seem to tag this as 'de-personalisation', avoiding anything possibly 'spiritual' :-)

My anxiety/panic attacks. proper, started in the mid 60's. In 1968 I was prescribed Librium, Norbrium, stuff I can't pronounce ( Oxy-something ), Valium and then Diazepam. By 1977 I was on a prescription of 5mg Diazepam - two to be taken four times a day = 40mgs!! I have no idea what happened to 1977 / 78 / 79 .. blank! No doctor suggested I reduce. I decided to reduce and was guided, a bit, by the Cardinal Clinic. 43 years after starting medication I am still on 4mg Diazepam a day. It is my 'level' and all it does now is stave off withdrawal.

I think making a list of symptoms, feelings, 'what is happening' is a brilliant idea. Making that a Written list, at the time of an 'attack' is even better, except that would be doing something 'rational' and may well cause the attack to end. ( " Oh, bu**er. I've only wriiten half and now it's gone so I can't finish " :-) )

I have not written this as a request for help. I am 'ok'. I am not a good 'example', or someone who can easily help others. I 'cheat'. I am still on medication ( always will be ), I 'avoid' situations, i.e. driving over bridges, public transport, tight-packed crowds. After 43 years I can still have 'attacks' and probably will when ( if ) I get on a plane again next year. It will be my choice and if it happens I will endure it. There are a lot of worse things, suffered by many people, in this world.

Again, I wish you well and hope that, not only, you get yourself through this, but go on to be able to help others. Aiming others in your profession at this website wouldn't do any harm, I think :-)

Gordon