emster
13-05-06, 13:48
hi, im just wonering if anyone can relate to this as it would be nice to know i'm not the only one and then i wont feel quite so bad.
although i often complain that im lonely, when i am actually with other people they really annoy me and i feel crowded and stifled and i feel really upset and stressed out and wish i could just be on my own, but then i get scared when im alone and i panic and i find myself wishing there was someone arround to give me a hug or something.
im finding this really upsetting and frustrating, partly because i feel guilty about thinking unkindly about people who help and support me and would probably rather be doing something else but stick arround cos they know if they leave me on my own i'll get scared. and partly because before all this happened i was always happiest in my own company and took a lot of pride in being independant and im often quite disgusted in myself for turning into someone so pathetic and needy.
i dont want to be the sort of person who just uses people all the time but i dont know how to put the situation right when im finding it so difficult to be self reliant now.
i cant really talk to anyone i know about this because they would (quite rightly) take offense. i know i must be really difficult to deal with most of the time and it would come across as me being extremely ungrateful and i dont think theyd understand.
any thoughts at all on the matter would be appreciated, even if its to tell me that im horrid.
although i often complain that im lonely, when i am actually with other people they really annoy me and i feel crowded and stifled and i feel really upset and stressed out and wish i could just be on my own, but then i get scared when im alone and i panic and i find myself wishing there was someone arround to give me a hug or something.
im finding this really upsetting and frustrating, partly because i feel guilty about thinking unkindly about people who help and support me and would probably rather be doing something else but stick arround cos they know if they leave me on my own i'll get scared. and partly because before all this happened i was always happiest in my own company and took a lot of pride in being independant and im often quite disgusted in myself for turning into someone so pathetic and needy.
i dont want to be the sort of person who just uses people all the time but i dont know how to put the situation right when im finding it so difficult to be self reliant now.
i cant really talk to anyone i know about this because they would (quite rightly) take offense. i know i must be really difficult to deal with most of the time and it would come across as me being extremely ungrateful and i dont think theyd understand.
any thoughts at all on the matter would be appreciated, even if its to tell me that im horrid.