inlove123
04-09-11, 14:20
about 4 years before me and my boyfriend got together, i did something stupid on webcam with this guy, who, although wasnt my boyfriend, i did some sexual stuff with him (not sex though). in march, he came up to me in school and said he had been looking through his old phone and he had a picture of me from that night. i was livid and told him to delete the picture.
i forgot about it until june. my boyfriend absolutley detests this guy, because i had done stuff with him, and i detest him now too, but i thought because i had been rude to him and ignoring him for quite some time, he might use this photo against me (i did not trust he had deleted it)
so i made the decision to ask him, and what makes me feel so guilty is that i was so nice to him. my boyfriend would kill me. i said that i trusted him a lot with it as he hadnt done anything with it in the past 4 years (not true, i said this to be nice so he wouldnt use it against me. if i trusted him i wouldnt have been having the conversation in the first place) but i had a boyfriend who i loved now and couldnt have things like this potentially ruining it.
he told me he had just made it up, and instead of being annoyed at him for it, i was that relieved there was no picture, that i said to him thank you soo much! basically thanking him for being a slimy little rat!
he had said he wouldnt do that to me and i continued to be nice, although i kept asking if he was sure there was no picture. he then asked me about two other things and the conversation ended there. that was the last time i spoke to him and i just remembered it there.
i feel guilty because my boyfriend would be so angry if he found out i had been so nice to him, and even told him i trusted him with it. he would be angry just knowing id talked to him, but in my eyes i had to sort it out as i didnt want that impacting upon my relationship. basically, my intentions are always right but i just go about things the wrong way. like i should have been more firm, not so nice. i still dont even believe him to be honest, he is that untrustworthy. i feel revolted at myself for being so nice, but i didnt want to be horrible in case he used it as ammo against me.
i know it was a stupid thing to do in the first place, however im more concerned about my boyfriend ever finding out i had the conversation, let alone was so nice to him. i dont want him being upset or anything, after all i had had a sexual past with the guy. was i in the wrong to mention anything in the first place? did i go about things the right or wrong way? please help!
in a way i feel like i have cheated. i cant deal with this constant OCD over everything i have done in my relationship. everything i have said to other boys. my heart feels so heavy with guilt and worry. i have hurt my boyfriend a lot with my guilt OCD, and he made me promise i wouldnt tell him anything else that would hurt him, unless i properly cheated on him in the future. confessing was my outlet, my way of getting reassurance that he would still stay with me. i pushed it too far, and now its basically make or break time. then ive remembered this and feel like i cant live with myself.
i just feel like if he knew it would be the end, i have broken his heart too many times due to my relentless confessing. i wish i hadnt been so nice to him. i wish i hadnt kept talking to him about exams and a party. the conversation wasnt that long, but i just keep getting false memories, like oh no what if i said this or that, because i cant remember that well. its driving me insane and i need people to tell me i didnt cheat!
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i forgot about it until june. my boyfriend absolutley detests this guy, because i had done stuff with him, and i detest him now too, but i thought because i had been rude to him and ignoring him for quite some time, he might use this photo against me (i did not trust he had deleted it)
so i made the decision to ask him, and what makes me feel so guilty is that i was so nice to him. my boyfriend would kill me. i said that i trusted him a lot with it as he hadnt done anything with it in the past 4 years (not true, i said this to be nice so he wouldnt use it against me. if i trusted him i wouldnt have been having the conversation in the first place) but i had a boyfriend who i loved now and couldnt have things like this potentially ruining it.
he told me he had just made it up, and instead of being annoyed at him for it, i was that relieved there was no picture, that i said to him thank you soo much! basically thanking him for being a slimy little rat!
he had said he wouldnt do that to me and i continued to be nice, although i kept asking if he was sure there was no picture. he then asked me about two other things and the conversation ended there. that was the last time i spoke to him and i just remembered it there.
i feel guilty because my boyfriend would be so angry if he found out i had been so nice to him, and even told him i trusted him with it. he would be angry just knowing id talked to him, but in my eyes i had to sort it out as i didnt want that impacting upon my relationship. basically, my intentions are always right but i just go about things the wrong way. like i should have been more firm, not so nice. i still dont even believe him to be honest, he is that untrustworthy. i feel revolted at myself for being so nice, but i didnt want to be horrible in case he used it as ammo against me.
i know it was a stupid thing to do in the first place, however im more concerned about my boyfriend ever finding out i had the conversation, let alone was so nice to him. i dont want him being upset or anything, after all i had had a sexual past with the guy. was i in the wrong to mention anything in the first place? did i go about things the right or wrong way? please help!
in a way i feel like i have cheated. i cant deal with this constant OCD over everything i have done in my relationship. everything i have said to other boys. my heart feels so heavy with guilt and worry. i have hurt my boyfriend a lot with my guilt OCD, and he made me promise i wouldnt tell him anything else that would hurt him, unless i properly cheated on him in the future. confessing was my outlet, my way of getting reassurance that he would still stay with me. i pushed it too far, and now its basically make or break time. then ive remembered this and feel like i cant live with myself.
i just feel like if he knew it would be the end, i have broken his heart too many times due to my relentless confessing. i wish i hadnt been so nice to him. i wish i hadnt kept talking to him about exams and a party. the conversation wasnt that long, but i just keep getting false memories, like oh no what if i said this or that, because i cant remember that well. its driving me insane and i need people to tell me i didnt cheat!
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