MandySlade
05-09-11, 07:03
Uhg. Feeling really down. Do you guys ever feel, when your H.A is really bad, that you're in your own head constantly... even when at a fun event/hanging out with friends? I was at a party all day today (labor day holiday) and hemmed and hawed over to-drink-or-not-to-drink the entire time because of my recentish fear of alcoholism (although most people think I'm 'normal'). Since I drank the last 2 days (weekend)... anyway... I didn't wind up drinking much, but the thoughts about to or not to were there constantly. Also thinking about googling H.A stuff on my phone the whole time. People were having conversations and I was just sitting in the group tuned out. I've been that way when having other anxieties/ocd issues... it just sucks. I wish I had engaged more. Sometimes I feel so absent. Like everything is going on around me and I'm not really there. By the time I decided to loosen up, have a couple, and relax.. everyone was passing out.. including my fiance. It was a totally relaxed fun BBQ/swimming day and I ruined it by being so worried the whole time. Now I'm just at home with a passed out fiance on the couch, feeling down. :/ It's been bad lately, I've also been waking up in the middle of the night already worried about something.. almost like I was dreaming about it. A few weeks back it was that I'd wake up obsessing about my teeth "is anything wrong with them"? Then it was my heart "does my heart feel normal" and now it's "omg if I have 1 drink today, but I had 5 friday and 5 saturday am I an alcoholic? what if I drink a beer again on tuesday.. does wanting one make me an alcoholic?.." etc etc etc... literally in the middle of the night. UHG. I'm so over this crap.