Emotional rollercoaster :(

[Aycie]

Some of you have been very kind and replied to my posts and given me good advice as over the last few months I have been in a continual panic over breast checking. I have managed to calm down a lot over the last couple of weeks but that is the problem in a way, some days like yesterday are really good I hardly felt the urge to check all day and went to bed last night feeling very calm...then I woke up about 3 in the morning in a state of anxiety and haven't been able to shake it off all day. I have just given in and been checking again found a lumpy bit on bottom of left breast which I KNOW has always been there but again I am panicing. I did this a week or so ago about something that has always been there it took days to calm down again. I just feel a bit down after feeling so good yesterday will this ever end?????:weep:

[rosi]

I know exactly what you're going through. Bc is my latest HA fixation. i am doing better these days but its still there. Mine is not so much lumps as my nipple. Is it sore? Has it alway been that that shape? Etc. Etc. i do ok and then I fixate on something else. This has been going on for a year now and time is actually giving me hope as after a year things would have progressed. Once I feel my nipple is ok, I pamic about the different sizes of my breasts, when thats ok I obsess over possible lumps in my armpit. Its never ending.

I'm fighting this daily, I'm reading self help books on OCD and I'm distracting myself but its always there. Of course this time lastyear I was about year 5 into a Ovarian cancer preoccupation, now I never worry about that. I hope someone has the answer for us.

Basically not checking and distraction are the key but its so hard.

[Aycie]

Thanks for the reply Rosi, you were a great help earlier this year when pagets was my worry. Turns out my doctor was right it was eczema and everything settled down but I have now moved to worrying about lumps, at least with the nipple thing I could tell by looking how things were but feeling for lumps is just too stressful and I cant trust my own judgement but not checking is worrying too. I just wish I could forget about it but it's a struggle to resist one last check and that always leads to panic. x

[swgrl09]

I know how you feel. I just want you to know that what you posted in my thread helped me a lot. Every time I do a self check, I get a lump in my throat and I know I am feeling something that has always been there, but I still get scared. I did it so much that my left breast was sore and swollen! Since then I have been trying really hard to just leave it alone until my gyno appointment in a few weeks. I really don't want it to be swollen from my own prodding when I go to the doctor. It is terrifying though, isn't it? Sometimes I feel like they are just ticking time bombs on my chest!!!!