hiv - here we go again

[constantworrier418]

Hi

I'm freaking out - after seeing a chap for three weeks we finally did the deed and guess what it turns out he isn't interested after all. I'm abolutely beside myself with panic and fear and just don't know who else to turn to as I'm really embarassed this has happened as I thought it was going to be a relationship but I'm also worried that he may have some horrible disease. We did use condoms but I'm just worried as sometimes I get a little tear on the entrance to my vagina (sorry tmi) and I'm fretting that what if some of his bodily fluids got into that tear? I'm also worried that although the condom covers most of the penis, what if the small bit that is not covered by the condom had his bodily fluid on it and went on my tear etc etc please if anyone can help I just don't know what to do :weep::weep:

I've got two small children and I'm beside myself with fear, I can't believe I fell for it and I feel totally disgusted with myself I don't think I'll ever trust another man again :weep::weep:

[nomorepanic]

Sounds like you had safe sex to me and will not have HIV at all.

[constantworrier418]

I know I'm going to spend the next three months worrying until I can get a test. I cannot believe I've allowed myself to be in this position again - I'm totally devastated and if it wasn't for my children I think I would want to be dead :weep:

[nomorepanic]

You don't need another test and you need to stop worrying. You can't carry on living like this with all the worry. Please get some help/therapy for the HIV concerns

[peter34uk]

I know I'm going to spend the next three months worrying until I can get a test. I cannot believe I've allowed myself to be in this position again - I'm totally devastated and if it wasn't for my children I think I would want to be dead :weep:

You need to relax. You will be absolutely fine.

[RLR]

Okay, you're letting irrational fear based upon inaccurate assumptions run away with you.

Contrary to generally available information, HIV is actually somewhat difficult to contract and I see nothing of the event described that would have placed you at any increased risk of transmission, not to mention that the rather accurate statistics would place a single event such as that described in a range so low, that you'd have a better chance of getting struck by lightning everyday for the next year. You also must realize that your apprehension is being driven largely by the unexpected rejection experienced and have allowed your vulnerability to the instance to establish a highly irrational premise. You are drawing suspicion of a greater nature and it's unwarranted.

As for the consequences of seeking intimacy, you are being far too harsh on yourself and the circumstances, although unpleasant and devaluating in some regards, are quite common and speak to the absence of character in the other person, not you. Feeling to blame is part of the problem and if humans could foresee and avoid the pitfalls of attraction, then love would not possess the ability to hurt as it sometimes does.

You've done nothing wrong at all and it's entirely natural for people to be drawn to intimacy. Never second-guess yourself. While finding Mr. Right is sometimes an inevitable trial and error process, you'll definitely not be able to locate him if you withdraw altogether.

Lastly, your worry is quite common but I'll tell you here that you can take a breath and relax. You can certainly go take the test and I share with you now that the result will be negative. So hug your kids and move forward. You'll have no worries.

Best regards,

Rutheford Rane, MD (ret.)

[pablo22]

don't let your anxiety about hiv control you!, I'm gay and always practice safe sex, but one time i had got a knock on one of my teeth (I probably fell into something that night), and i was bleeding and didnt relaise (alcohol). anyway i ended up having oral sex that nyt, and was a MESS for three months with worry, got a complete blood test, no hiv, no hep B etc

please don't worry yourself for three months! its three months u'll never get back! besides, (and this isnt to condone unprotected sex), but people diagnosed with HIV today will live till der 63-70