Hello to all of you

[threekids]

I am the mother of three adult children and my youngest who is now 24 is in her first job in her first year as a floor nurse. She had social phobia for most of her life and we went together to therapy to try to help her throughout her preteens and teenage years. She is still suffering from social phobia and living on her own about an hour away from her father and me. I am worried about her and thought I might get some new ideas that might prove to be helpful to her in overcoming her fear/anxiety about living alone. She has a live in boyfriend which I am afraid is a bad mixture for her but she is more afraid of living alone than breaking the ties with him. She has taken medications and is going to see a new psychiatrist in a couple of weeks but my experience with the mental health profession has been not altogether positive or effective. I will continue to read these in the hope of finding new answers.

[diane07]

Hi threekids

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[Gemma T]

Welcome to nmp!

What exactly is your daughter scared of ? I mean is the fear of just being alone, or possible burglaries or ghosts?

I'm thinking a gd alarm or a dog would alleviate fears maybe? Not sure.

A pet is always a gd companion. We have a westie and he barks wen people walk past no chance of any1 brakeing in.

Maybe a pet will take up some more time for her so less time to think about being alone

Love Gem x x x

[suzanne1]

hi threekids ..yes i agree with gemma , maybe a pet is a good idea and give your daughter something to focus on , why do you think its not a good thing that she lives with her boyfriend ?
its a good thing that she is working as this will do her good and she is lucky to have your support , i am sure she will be fine , keep in touch with her , hope all works out well ,

[threekids]

Thanks for all of your feedback. My daughter does have a kitten and yes pets are a help. However, her fears/anxiety have been more about "social aloneness". I think she fears just being by herself with no social connection. She has always been attached to me and had difficulty in social situations. When I read about social anxiety...many of those children also suffered from separation anxiety (as she did) so I think her fear of being alone comes from that unresolved sense of insecurity. The boyfriend is someone she has attached herself with...similar to her attachment to me or her best friend etc. It is difficult for her to do something alone in a social setting. I tried to get her to join a "meet-up group" in her area, but she is unable to meet anyone by herself. She gets tongue-tied and embarrassed and anxious. She meets with a new psychiatrist in a couple of weeks (hopefully will find a therapist too for CBT) but we have been that route before. I ordered some Claire Weekes book as i have read on this forum that she is pretty effective. Thanks again for your feedback.

[Gemma T]

Ahhhhh bless her! Im exactly the opposite. Im the sort to seek out the quiet ones and make friends.

I know how difficult people can be so Im always friendly and nice. Especially when I see people who are the opposite to me.

When I started my last job there were 6 of us starting. Some very shy and some opinionated. I dont know how I did it but we all became close and always went out together.

I just hope there is someone else like me out there who you daughter can meet. It will build her confidence being around strong people.

Shes very lucky to have a mum like you who is so concerned x x x

[threekids]

Gemma,
I would hope that my daughter could meet a friend or friends like you too. Unfortunately she tends to end up with strong guys who do not offer the healthiest relationships. Strong but of somewhat lacking in character. Thanks for your supportive words. I am, I think helpful to her, but wish she could motivate herself to find a way to deal or conquer her anxiety. Sometimes if she calls crying and is in a desperate mood, I have had to train myself to calm down to talk to her. So I am also going through a training process. I don't want to make her feel that she can't do things on her own. So sometimes it is really hard for me as a mother not to want to try and "fix" things for her. I know I can't. She has to find her own way with my support.

[Gemma T]

Unfortunatley now days there are alot of strong men who would take advantage of her and the way she is. They are the last things she needs.

Im not a mother but Im pretty maternal and can only imagine how hard it is for you to fix things for her. I have faith that she will come in to her own in her own time.

I understand the indelicate balance between protecting your baby and not babying her. Can only imagine how difficult this may be.

I really hope she over comes these anxities for hers and your sake. I have a feeling she will change dramatically with her own children. Nothing is stronger then the maternal instinct. My mum told me that before me and my sis she was a bit of a pushover but when she had us she became very protective and kick a**.

I have no doubt that she will get better.

Love Gem x x x

[Luigi]

Hello
I think that her social phobia will be vanished after doing job and meeting people. And if you think that her boyfriend is bad part of her then try convince her to break with her.