Performance Anxiety/phobia?

[zygfried]

Hi, I don't know if this is a phobia or something but I have a job which involves public speaking and this unfortunately absolutely terrifies me and always makes me ridiculously nervous and panicky- to the extent that at times I can only do it when medicated with diazepam and herbal stress remedies on top of my (high dosage) antidepressant. Though not working right now, do people think I'd be foolish to go back to it and put myself through that on a regular basis? To not be able to do it makes me feel inadequate. But I'd like to be able to to it, even though it makes me a nervous wreck. Feel as if I'm in a catch 22 thing. Isn't facing your fears the best way of overcoming them? Or am I just expecting too much of myself and fighting against my personality -neurotic, anxious and introverted....And if I try and do it again, will I just make myself ill again (anxious/depressive - years of it.)

Please help! Thanks all.

[qrydem1987]

Hello,

Very hard to answer for me, my job before my anxiety required me to do alot of interviews, meetings and public speaking. The interviews and meeting were not a big deal, infact quite easy. But briefing my team daily was awful, I done it many times first time was the worst. I normally briefed about 50 - 100 people a day. I would get hot start to sweat, butterflies in stomach and shakey legs. Infact I leaned up against a table when doing the meetings not to be casual but so people couldn't see my shaking legs. I always did it even thou hated it, and it did get easier as time went on. Althou I never enjoyed it. Funny thing was my colleagues thought I was a natural speaker and 100% confident but inside was horrible.

I did not suffer anxieties and panic before then. Just when speaking infront of large crowds. I not sure but do not think this is what made me worse doing this on a daily basis. Maybe this is just normal anxiety. But this has been an interesting post for me as I have not had to so it since my recovery. But I guess the idea of recovery is not to never feel nervous low stressed or anxious but only to feel it in normal situations that warrant these emotions like public speaking or going on a first date. Or taking an important test or exam ? Get what I mean?

[zygfried]

Thanks. What you've written sounds so familiar - those awful symptoms for me of sweating, shaking legs, dry mouth, mind going blank, butterflies in the stomach, going red, etc. I suppose they did get better a bit and I get what you say about these things being normal in those kind of situations. But should I make my working life that way, to be facing those kind of situations all the time?! It drained me so much. When I was made redundant earlier this year people kept telling I looked so much better - because I was no longer constantly stressed, I think! Thanks though. I do see what you mean by recovery not being about avoiding anxiety. I think sometimes that I'll do anything to avoid feeling like that. But then again I think it's not about avoiding. Hope that makes sense.

[qrydem1987]

Yeah I'm in the same boat, I had a rough time, I'm thru the worst ready to get back building my life again. Not sure if to carry on my old career path because not sure if I'll end up back into a bad state. Althou the money and my experiences are very good. I'm going to see a therapist not so much to deal with my depression anxiety and panic, but to work out what the hell happened how did I get into that state? As for me I had a quite stressful but rewarding job a few little problems but I had no big traumatic event or an obvious trigger and ofcourse don't want to go back.

[zygfried]

Sounds awful. Must be so frightening when there was nothing obvious to cause it. But if you've got a good therapist and a good relationship with him/her then that's half the battle. Best of luck with it.
This sounds strange to say but I've got all the 'baggage' and know the sources of mine I suppose and in some ways that's reassuring. But I don't want to go back particularly either. Though needs must at the moment. Awful to have to go back.